CH 92: Marcus Finally Off His Ass

Hello guys, it’s finally Marcus writing again. Hopefully, I’ll have something worth reading for you. As you must know, I’ve been guilty of letting Larry do the communication for the blog for some time now. The guilty part is that I fucking enjoy reading every word, every thought my husband puts out there for us. I just do, period. And of course, that plays into a slight defect of my personality, I’m naturally lazy in my personal life. I was very driven in my former work life, but that’s over for now; ‘lazy ‘R me’ is winning the game pretty naturally lately. Today, and maybe for the next several days, I’m going to try and be driven to finish a chapter about what’s going on in my head by reminiscing and hopefully not repeating too much already in the journal blog.

A LITTLE ABOUT LARRY GETTING ME OUT OF MY FUNK
I should address something that Larry wrote about recently, getting me out of the house daily, pointing the car in a direction and just go, see where it takes us. It’s been working because, one, it was Larry’s idea to get me out of my funk, and two, I want it to work because I believe in my husband. The trouble is how to write about something so simple and possibly the most boring thing to read about, and yet it has been working. Little by little I’m breaking loose from being Al the business guy to Marcus the free-wheeling artsy guy impossibly addicted to loving his husband and is okay letting the world know that. 

I wish I could explain myself better, sometimes I can’t even explain me to myself! I’ve never been happier, never been so attached to someone as I am to my husband. Never have we been so horny, oh no way, that is not true considering our history over the years as best friends. How would I even begin to attempt to rank the level of horniness the two of us have experienced right up to now as husbands. At least horny is still a factor for us but we sure know how to resolve it equitably. Considering the ups and downs of our history, man, horny was something we couldn’t address to each other, and when we could after our first trip, it got impossible to deal with. How were we ever going to get the time together? First of all, the guilt of cheating on our wives was getting to be a major problem. If we only knew what was going on behind our backs with our wives, maybe the level of guilt would have lightened up some. Today we don’t need words to resolve being horny, just a look or touch from one of us is more than enough. I hope that remains true for many years to come. 

Actually, I went to bed last night with the idea of writing a chapter in the morning. I figured putting the idea into my head would work wonders in the morning, guess what, it worked because I’m writing, and I’m only on one pot of coffee so far. And I’m up before my husband, too. I tried to not wake him up because I was afraid that I’d find a way to put off the writing once we were awake. I woke up around 4:00am, about one hour later than normal for the old pee dump for me. We are very used to each other’s night-time movements in bed now, we rarely get woken up by the other’s bathroom breaks. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or unfortunate thing since that usually led to some kind of relaxing sexual activity between us. Getting married did help to rekindle some of the earlier sexual activity we experienced when Larry moved in with me. It was a major horn-fest between us back then, why not, there was nothing in the way of stopping us. We did settle down quite a bit now that I’m looking back how our sexual activity stepped up after getting married. I’d suspect to see us settling into a more “normal” sexual habit soon enough. I don’t even want to think what that kind of “normal” means, so I’m going to move on quickly.

How could I not want to know how this feels!

I took a long loving look at the sleeping lump buried in blankets on his side of the bed before I managed to get up to go pee though. I remember back when it was much warmer during the night, seeing my naked lover sprawled out on top of the bed linens was such a visual treat for me. Now the colder it gets the more buried in blankets we both get. We don’t have the heat going at nighttime, but I’m beginning to wonder why not! However, back to my husband, I do love to lightly run the palm of my hand on his body hair since it’s such a turn-on, but I do need to be very careful doing that because it will tickle him awake and it annoys him to the max. If I touch him a little too hard, it generally doesn’t tickle him, but it does wake him up, I better have a good plan on what to do if he does wake up. Letting him know it’s only that I like touching his fur, yeah, not a very good reason. I don’t need a grumpy lover trying to get back to sleep. However, if all I want is sex, believe me I know how to wake him up properly and get him in the mood for sex. Nice thing about us, what works for him, works for me as well. There’s nothing quite like waking up to the feeling of your dick in a warm mouth to guarantee that you wake up in the mood. I’m not keeping track of this, but I do think it’s about even between us, and usually at some ungodly hour of the night too.

Another thing came into my head before I left the bed to go pee, I should not return to bed and try something with him as much as I wanted to do so in that moment. He does have that effect on me, even if it’s just a lump under the covers, I know what’s there waiting for me. But if I do leave my bed to write I’m going to be just as horny and more likely to want to write about that. Once we get down to business, I’m not so likely to be motivated to write about it any longer. Yeah right, once we are down to business, there’s no horny left over. Another funny thing, I love even thinking about that statement, let alone put it into print. My life with women, just never got to that point, ought to have told me something you’d think, huh? Well, I had a plan to execute, I grabbed my cruise robe from the back of the bathroom door, that’s where we both have our robes hanging. We don’t use them often, but they are at least available.

It can’t be news for you that once I hit the kitchen, I put on a pot of coffee hoping that the aroma wouldn’t reach my husband’s nose, not that it’s very likely since there’s quite a distance from the master bedroom to the kitchen. I was more afraid that once he turned over to cuddle me and found a cold bed sheet, he might wait and see if I was in the bathroom, but after a reasonable time he’d be headed to the kitchen and my writing time would be over for a while. Of course, if I said what I was doing, I’m sure he’d respect the time it takes to write and find something that needs doing. He’s very good at that around here and puts me to shame easily. Opposites do attract as they say for good reason. Although to be fair, we are very much alike on what’s important.

So, with coffee in hand, and my iPad open, I created a folder for the chapter and was amazed that this is my 92nd chapter without counting chapters that we didn’t label by number. I do believe I’ve written more for the blog than I ever did for the firm under Pops leadership. And that was more than I ever wrote as a high school teacher. So, I better come up with something worth being number 92, and that’s intimidating.

For you new readers of our blog, Mark is Larry’s real name and what I called him for several years before the birth of the blog. I do believe we used “brother” or “bro” more often back then. Again, for our blog newbies, I was known as Al not Marcus during those years with him. Old news to our regular readers, but I bet really confusing to the new readers at times. 

THINKING ABOUT THOSE FIRST MOMENTS WE HAD TOGETHER

I haven’t written about those early days in a long time, considering what happened almost five years ago this coming March between us, becoming Larry and Marcus was a lot hotter to write about. I knew from the moment I decided to write about the trip we took, it could not be about Mark and Al at all. What would happen to our relationship as best friends if he read anything I wrote about us, I had to disguise us with new names. Well, finding names wasn’t that difficult, Larry was my very first best friend when I was very young, and Mark was the only other best friend in my life. I lost contact with my first friend once we moved away, never to find him again. As to the Marcus name, that’s just my middle name. I did come up with a last name that was not mine, and I’m leaving it that way. It’s not important any longer.

It's okay to drool, hands off though!

Mark came into my life perhaps over a dozen years ago, I’d need to do the math, but I’ll settle for a dozen years as good enough. When the house next door went up for sale, I never really gave it a lot of thought, my home is very private because of the landscaping. Now a dozen years later, it’s even more private than ever. Spending so much naked time in the pool area will never be a problem due to the thickness of the trees and shrubs. I fully expected another older couple would buy the place and enter the neighborhood, and that we would be civil with them, but unlikely to become good friends. I don’t know, perhaps it’s a California thing, or just a thing where we live, friends tend to come from outside of your home. And in our case, work and clients became our friends, never neighbors. I figured that was going to change dramatically after meeting Mark the first time. Oh my God, there’s no question any longer in my mind, that’s it, I really am a fucking gay man! What a gorgeous man! What the hell; is he really going to be my fucking neighbor? Yes, of course he is and then my mind went directly to, ‘What sweet fucking nightmare just became a part of my life.’ How the hell am I going to be able to handle a hunk like him next door and not let him know what he is doing to my head let alone my dick! I never had this feeling before him. (Point to ponder, I did not know what you are seeing above was hiding under long sleeves and loose-fitting clothes, this ‘nightmare’ came into being once he felt comfortable enough with me. Nightmare is used loosely here.)

You had better believe that I did an enormous amount of thinking over the first couple of weeks after meeting him. It was about that amount of time before we were able to get together for that first cup of coffee away from the house. I had to be real about this guy, we are not in the same league. Please don’t think it was because of my position at work or his, I had no idea of what he did for a living yet. It was that I know I’m packing a few more pounds than I should be, and that’s being generous to myself. I would never think of myself as being handsome; maybe not a bad looking guy, but nothing in his universe. I did a lot of mental gymnastics about what was going to come of our getting out for coffee; I figured he had more than enough time to come up with several good reasons why he could cancel out on me. I gave myself lots of little pep-talks, some that were positive and some very negative, but mostly, this was going to be a one-time deal and hopefully he’d let me down nicely. I was finally ready for whatever was to come of this thing I was sorry I even suggested doing.

It was during that span of time, I had some serious conversations with my wife Lisa, she filled me in on how Mark and his wife Ellen became our neighbors. Lisa and Ellen have known each other through work, have been friends for years unbeknownst to me, the guy in the dark, and Lisa made sure that Ellen and Mark would buy the house before it went public. The fact that Mark was very handsome and young, somehow never got mentioned to me. I never met Ellen but heard about her often, but never gave another thought about her. I really don’t know today if Lisa ever saw a picture of Mark from her friendship with Ellen. At this point, I suspect whether he was good looking or not wasn’t as important as getting Ellen to be living next door for Lisa. I wonder now, knowing how everything worked out, if Lisa just left Mark as a surprise for me to find out by myself. In those early years, the four of us became not only good neighbors but best friends that often went out together for a nice dinner, short trips to areas on the Sacramento River, or the Delta for boating. 

That first coffee out together was nothing like I imagined it would be, we had a great time, and I was sorry that we agreed upon making it a short meeting. I was hoping it would last much longer than it did. However, I did find out that Mark negotiated that he’d get every other Friday off for a long weekend and I suggested that we get coffee on those mornings, and he was quick to agree with me. I never had someone in my life that I wanted to spend so much time with before. I loved the personal dynamic that was developing between us almost from the first moments together. I only expected that Mark was as straight as an arrow, he gave up nothing to me that he was interested in anything but a “good buddy” relationship. Some of our talks gave me the impression that he was actually homophobic, and probably anti-gay to the max. My mind justified that with how good looking he was that maybe there were too many unwanted advances coming his way. And I certainly could not put myself in that situation with him!

Knowing the two of us during our early years might give you a clue as to why it took so long. I fully accepted the idea that nothing would ever come of our time together during those years, I loved every moment we had together, he was my best friend, and I was grateful that he also thought of me as his best friend as well. However, something changed in my life, I now had a face to go with the sexual fantasies I had during sex, whether it was a rub-out session or a rare heterosexual activity with Lisa. 

There were only two ways straight sex could get me off, and both worked. Getting a finger up my ass or me imagining I was with a guy. As I began writing this section, I tried hard to remember if the guy I was imagining had a face or if that was important, a dick was always there though. And then it all changed. I now had a face, a fucking gorgeous face, and incredible blue eyes, who needed a dick anymore. The more I think about this, the more I’m beginning to remember, I never saw Mark’s arm muscles yet, he was always wearing long sleeves at the time. Don’t worry, I found out soon enough and the face had some company in my fantasy life. It took me a long time before I started imagining what he looked like downstairs. I had more than enough stuff to deal with, I guess. But I do remember writing about that a long time ago, by that time Mark was sporting every dick size and shape available to men. It became a fun guessing game to play. I figured there was no way I was ever going to know for real, so let’s have some fun. The actual first time we both saw each other naked was on that trip to the lake; if I’m not mistaken, it was seven years and nine months from the first meeting in our side yards to the naked hike in the woods. Well, I guess you could add the whipping out of our dicks in the truck getting to the lake cabin, was the first time we ever saw each other’s dicks. I had gotten so fucking horny by that time, there was no way that I wasn’t going to whip it out; I can’t believe I didn’t cum right there and then. I’ve never chastised myself for being the first to whip it out too, it changed everything in our world.

I came to read from his early writings at first and then discussions with him how much we were alike back then. I’d never suspect that he was going through a similar situation. First of all, I never would put myself in the same league when it comes to being handsome, but I do love that he thinks I am. And although I rarely if ever talked about the extra pounds I was packing back then, that I would think anyone would be interested in a chunky guy. Somehow, I can live with the idea of being chunky, even overweight, but hopefully never thought as “too fat.” Over the years with many of his personal stories about being bullied as a skinny kid, and how the “fat” kid who probably was just as bullied, was the only kid that was always there to pick him up and show some kindness. I was overweight, more than I’d ever admit to, and he just overlooked it, and I didn’t know why at first, but I loved that it wasn’t a problem. It was only years later that I decided to do something about the extra poundage. I only hoped that my losing weight was going to be supported by him, it was a bit dicey at first. There was no question during the years of the blog that he loved the thick body I had and how I felt to him in cuddles and lovemaking. 

Thinking about those first years after dropping the phoniness of our behavior as homophobic dudes, I started to really question what I was attracted to about him. Always, the eyes, I can’t escape them, and his face and fantastic body was a close second. But that body, flat stomach, no dick hiding from extra bulk there, small waist and the upper body worthy of a marble sculpture only by Michelangelo Buonarroti, had been working on me for years. I loved being able to not only look lovingly at him, but I was allowed to touch what I was able to look at as well. I began to scrutinize my own body for the first time since I was a kid. Of course, I eventually understood that I was never going to look like him, so, deal with it. But then I found NOOM and how they made me understand nutrition and my body, and that weight loss can happen without fad diets, or special food.

I lost weight over the months to the point that I realize now, I cannot become a Larry without a lot of dedication that I just don’t have. I love being thinner, I love that it hasn’t become a problem for Larry, and that he supports me in this endeavor. Frankly, I don’t like the extra skin that was left over from the quick loss; however, I am starting to shrink it up some now. Considering the extra weight I was carrying; I didn’t seem to have a problem getting naked in front of my Pops his buddies Tony and Bill. Until lately for me, three of us are packing some extra pounds around the middle, Bill and Larry of course are not. I know the naked only signs we posted in the pool area have a lot to do with the nudity between all of us, but it was the older men that made us comfortable in front of them, not the other way around. But I still wanted to lose weight and look more like Larry. At this point, I’m as close as I’ll ever be to him now. The muscles, never going to happen, I just don’t have it in me to spend so many hours working on them. The fact that me with muscles would be a turn-off for Larry sure helps. Well, the weight I did drop does show that I have some muscle that’s been hiding from sight for a long-ass time. I’m okay with that and I do love how my clothes look on me now, I’m happy finally. Now the final chore will be to get rid of all the 2X clothes in the closet and drawers and look into buying some clothes that fit me for a change instead of hiding me. I am considering keeping some of the Extra-Large shirts since I’m not quite ready to be living in skin-tight shirts like my husband wears. I would if I were built like him, but it’s never going to be. I still can’t shake the image of me being overweight though, a look into a mirror and I still see the belly that I really don’t have any longer, strange but I’ve heard others say the same after losing weight.

My gorgeous cane.

Well, I think I talked that to death now. I guess the next thing I should talk about is how I’m doing after the fall I took on the hidden ice when we were in Colorado. I have fallen as a kid who hasn’t; I haven’t fallen as an adult before that I can remember, if so, it wasn’t worth remembering. The only thing I was concerned about my fall was that I landed on my knees, more so on my right knee and it really hurt me. I was told not to even kneel on that knee after the replacement so I wouldn’t crack my kneecap. When I slipped and fell, I also hurt my right hand and arm and twisted my body which screwed up my upper back as well. I put up with the pain with extra Tylenol and a muscle relaxer, but the knee kept on hurting. Not all the time, I figured that since I’m now sixty-one it’s going to take me longer to heal. I had the best example of that with Pops as an 83-year-old and how long it’s taken him to get over his fall. But I realized that the pain had lasted too long, and it wasn’t going away. I had better get an X-ray to see if there was any damage. So, that’s what I did this week. And the result showed no alignment problems, my new knee handled the fall. So, I guess it’s about being older and taking longer to heal. I’m not ecstatic about the length of time that it’s taking to end the knee pain, however, knowing that I do not have a mechanical problem to deal with is comforting. Well, one thing that did come from falling on my replacement knee, I’m very concerned about falling on it again and it has affected the way I walk lately. When we returned home, I began using the cane Larry bought for me after my knee replacement and I haven’t stopped using it yet. I spend more time watching where my footsteps are placed instead of looking where I’m going. I just don’t trust myself as I once did. At least I don’t need to worry about slippery snow and ice at home.

LARRY JOINS ME IN THE KITCHEN

It wasn’t too long before as I thought would happen, happened. Larry came looking for me and found me exactly where he thought it would be. At least there was coffee made and available to him, which he took no time in getting for himself. I also noticed something I’m well aware of since we got married, the look of a very horny man with a mission in mind. Me, I was the mission to be had. I figured why not, I’ve got a few pages written I’m sure and trust me, he’s not the only horny dude living here. 

Sometimes a visual helps the imagination!

While he was standing behind me with only a very loose bathrobe on; okay, very open in front bathrobe on. He started rubbing my neck and shoulders just the way I love them to be rubbed and then I could feel his hot breath on my neck and then ears when he said maybe he could give me some inspiration while I was writing. By the way, he figured out what I was doing without asking, it was about time I did some writing on my own and he wasn’t going to screw that up at all. He asked me to slide my chair back a bit so he could get under the table in front of me. Oh, I knew exactly what he had in mind, and I knew writing was going to be sacrificed for a few minutes or longer if I’m lucky. Once he was where he wanted to be, he found what he was looking for conveniently right in front of his face, or more accurately, mouth. 

You may not believe this, I’m embarrassed to even bring it up here, I actually did try to type something while my dick was finally warm and not hiding from the cold for the first time since being up this morning. To be honest, he may have had to spend a little extra time coaxing it out of hiding but once my dick got the news of what was to come, out it came fully prepared. 

Of course, my typing came to a halt after my brain chastised me for being stupid and insensitive to my husband’s activity down below. I felt bad, I truly did because he wanted me to be writing while he was sucking me off, I guess he figured whatever I was writing was going to be extra hot because of him doing what he knows how to do really well. I tried, I really did, too. I couldn’t keep my fingers on the correct keys at all, and all that was being typed was gibberish. So, I gave my fingers permission to leave the keyboard and place them on his curly head of blonde hair; yes, it’s growing out again now that it’s cold outside. I love his curly hair and he knows that but given the chance he goes for a buzz-cut every time. I don’t blame him since it’s hard to put a comb through, so he just messes it up with his fingers, shrugs his shoulders and calls it done. I love the look, and he can’t understand why. Now that I’m talking about his hair, it’s changing slowly but it’s changing. My husband is going to look just like our Pops one day, all except for the curly. Pops hair is straight and solidly white all over now; yes, we know what all over looks like, remember the naked swimming stuff. Much of Larry’s blonde beard is beginning to turn white now, and his head of hair is starting to turn that way as well, but not on his body that I can tell yet. His body hair is so light that white could sneak in and not be noticed until it turns completely white. I love that is happening for him for more ways than one. First, I think it’s hot looking and that goes for Pops, too. Second is for him, since he has no dad to compare himself to, isn’t it wonderful that he has Pops in his life now and that they share something so personal in common. If both of us could stop the bald spots we both have in the back of our head from getting any larger, that would be nice, good old Pops does not have that problem at all. That man hasn’t lost a hair on his head in his life! Yes, I know we all lose hair, but his keeps popping out to replace any that gets lost. Oh well, at least we can’t see what we can’t see in the mirror. And we both don’t talk about our balding pates at all.

See how I can go off on a tangent in a heartbeat. My dick was getting the attention it has grown to love and I’m writing about hair. Well, back to my dick for a minute longer. We have learned exactly how to please each other in the past few years, especially once we became housemates during the COVID crisis. I know for a fact, neither one of us ever got sucked off as good with our wives. I’m trusting that Larry is telling me the truth about how well I perform for him; if anything, we have learnt much from each other and are willing to try out something different from time to time. Somehow, just the fact that I had to wait so long before I knew for a fact that I want to live as a gay man with his husband is starting to help me get out of the closet. 

I find it fascinating that Larry has had no trouble whatsoever crossing over from straight for a lifetime to being my husband and proud to say so as well. I imagine that the sex we have together plays a big part of that for us. I have allowed myself to live an asexual life to be able to play straight for the world I lived and worked in. Now that Lisa and I have come to terms with our sexuality once and for all, yes, I understand everything now. Lisa covered her sexuality as well as I did mine, nothing but nothing was going to stop her from gaining what she wanted in her world. If you remember something Pops requested from me long ago, settle down and get a wife in so many words without really saying that. Stop parading a different girl on my arm during the many parties this house hosted. I was looking like a playboy which was about as far as it could be from reality. Could I get a good-looking female to accompany me for one of our large parties, you bet your ass I could. One look at this place and any female I brought here was ready to become the mistress of the house. Really! No shit. This is an impressive home, well over 7,000 square feet in size and in a beautiful community. I didn’t want a female in my life at all. I had a disaster of a marriage and wasn’t looking to repeat that again. 

My first marriage was all about money and raising kids on a teacher’s low salary. Fighting was the main feature attraction, and sex was only sporadic. I believe that my dark secret that it took a mental image of a naked man’s dick to get me to cum when I was fucking my wife, was only for me to know. You can bet I was so fucking proud of that shit, too! I couldn’t even admit it to myself that I was living a fucked-up life again. Don’t think I wasn’t in love with my wife, because I was, and I liked sex whenever I got it, but with finances and raising kids we never found the adult time we needed so badly. And years later, here I was in a marriage of convenience with Lisa for Pops’ company. I thought at first that I could fall in love with Lisa, I just needed to work on my mind a little more than I was at the time. This must stink to know about me but it’s the truth. And my need to visualize a naked man when I needed to cum, it was there just as it was in my first marriage. This was my secret life and easy to keep to myself. As I had mentioned earlier, my naked men didn’t need a face, just a hairy chest and a big dick. Well, that image sure as fuck changed once I met Mark, my naked man fantasy was now all about face and a hairy chest. Having a big dick to imagine disappeared, everything about Mark was way beyond having a dick of any size to imagine. 

I never did get to see Mark totally naked until that lake cabin trip we took. If I was to be honest with you, after a few years the face and hairy chest fantasy wore thin and it did cross my mind often as to wonder what he was packing down there, but I had no idea on how to find out or even ask him about it. During that part of our friendship, I figured if he could come over after dark for a swim with me, maybe we could just drop the clothes and jump in. However, when he did finally start coming over for a late-night swim during the hot months, swimsuits ruled and his were some kind of baggy board shorts. As sad as that was for my libido, I enjoyed every minute I had with him messing around in the pool, although I usually had to tell him let’s keep the noise down so we could remain private.

Needless to say, but I will anyway, when I did get naked with him on the first hike in the woods at the lake, it was perfect. He had the most perfect dick to go with the most perfect body, and there was no doubt in my mind, he was giving himself to me for the first time in years. I was that close to saying fuck the hike, let’s just go to bed and get it on, we both knew what we wanted by then. I’m glad we didn’t though, because the hike only made us even hornier and what happened on the trail proved it. When we did get in bed, it all came together, the years of waiting, the love we had for each other, it just was finally time for us, all the waiting, all the wondering, it all just worked and now five years later here we are husband and husband forever.

REMEMBERING MY MOM’S WORDS

Writing this today led me to remember something my mother told me a very long time ago. I don’t remember what led our conversation to this any longer, but I can remember most of her words. “Everything is written in a book. All that will happen in your life has been planned and you will make the choices that were written.” Well, it was something along those lines, I can’t remember word for word any longer. I didn’t buy it because it didn’t make any logical sense at the time. And I don’t know why I never forgot it as well. I’d guess the first marriage, the problems and how it was resolved, led me to return to Pops’ and his wife Ginny in California to get back on my feet. The choice I had was to accept Pops’ offer to return to the university to get a second master’s degree only this time in business, or not do that. I chose to follow Pops advice which eventually led me to meet Lisa who was also earning her master’s in business at the time; we became study buddies very early on. So, back to my mom’s idea, it was written that I’d follow his advice and choose all the avenues that it would open for me. Which would include, another marriage and eventually the one thing I was destined to find, the love I truly was meant to have. If I was to believe this pattern, then the book is still open, and I have choices to make that have been written for me. Now, it’s almost scary to think about what options are still open for decisions to be made. And the part that I haven’t a clue about, when the final page has been reached, is that the end? Is that the time that my life will be over? Yikes, thanks mom!

JUST A LITTLE SOMETHING CURIOUS ABOUT JOE

I have never felt comfortable writing much about Joe, who has been our pool guy for years. Larry developed a much better relationship with him and has been writing about the two of them for quite a while now. So, I won’t get too involved except that lately, I might just be getting a little jealous, nah, not that, maybe a bit more concerned than I’ve been normally. Oh, the naked swimming thing, well summer’s long over and swimming has not been much of an issue for any of us, especially Joe. However, he still stops for coffee with us before tackling the pool. I love that as much as any of us here. In fact, we all have gone for a hug upon greeting as well as leaving, sometimes I’ve caught Larry and Joe kissing on the cheek along with the hug. I don’t know what came to my mind one morning when I had my chance at a hug with Joe, I went for a kiss as well, except it ended up on the lips. I don’t know, perhaps his head moved not expecting a kiss from me, but it was not refused, if you know what I mean. I wasn’t planning on it, the furthest thing from my mind I’m sure, but neither one of us freaked out about it though. I’ve known Joe for so many years and I’ve only begun the coffee and hug thing since Larry got it started, but it was nice. Will it happen again, I don’t know. I told Larry what happened and don’t think that he didn’t notice it, because he did and wanted to talk about after Joe got to working on the pool equipment.

I think Larry believes it was not planned by me, which it wasn’t, I feel it was just a freak accident at the time. Since the kiss might not have been brief enough to be an accident, perhaps Joe was testing the waters with me or eventually us? Not that the kiss lasted that long or was an open mouth kiss, just a little weird that it happened at all.  I’ll leave it at that for now and let Larry take up the subject if it happens again.

LIFE WITH POPS AFTER HIS FALL

I don’t see how I can skip saying something about my Pops after his fall outside some time ago and how he’s doing. Pops is a strong-willed man and not going to be taken down because of an unfortunate fall when he was all by himself in our pool area. Well, that’s a good description of where he is today, and maybe me as well. It was scary for all of us, and you must know, Pops is too proud to admit he might have been a little scared himself, but he covered that pretty damn good with all of us, which included his best buddies Bill and Tony. If anything, their relationship grew even stronger and tighter than what they might have had back in their twenties. Everyone has been working on my mind and attitude about leaving him alone at his age since the fall. I’m not sorry at all, I love the man and just freaked a bit thinking that we could have been there to help him if we didn’t leave him alone. Okay, I get that even more so seeing it in print. How many 83-year-olds want to be watched over like a toddler, probably none. It was an accident, unfortunately, one that many octogenarians experience according to his doctor. He has been seeing a therapist to help him understand how to walk and not shuffle his feet. Well, that’s what he’s told me that was said. He doesn’t believe he shuffles at all, and I can’t say I’ve notice that myself. And now that I’ve fallen on the ice, I get it. Accidents happen, and in my case, ice, and snow, that’s not a part of my world, not for a very long time. And as far as I’m concerned, never going to be again, too.

The three musketeers, Pops, Tony, and Bill spend an inordinate amount of time together now. Whether it’s all three here or up in Auburn, they are together and loving it. I don’t know what goes on between them, and I don’t have the guts to ask, but I wouldn’t say the same about Larry. He’d go for it in a heartbeat if I asked him to find out. I don’t really care, if there’s anything sexual between them, I doubt it from what I do know about Tony and Bill’s relationship. One thing for sure, it’s not anything like what we have together. Or they are the biggest closet group ever.

It was comforting to see how Pops was concerned about my knee after the fall and how much it’s been hurting. I guess it’s a kind of payback between us. As I stated above the X-rays showed nothing happened to the appliance in my knee, but it sure as hell is taking a long-ass time to quit hurting when I get up from a chair or bed. And I’m only 61, I can’t wait to see how that works out when I’m in my 80’s if I’m lucky enough to be able to get there.

WHAT’S NEXT FOR THE TWO OF US NOW THAT WE ARE MARRIED

In case you are wondering did we go on a trip for a honeymoon or are planning on something soon. Yes and no are good answers right now. No, we did nothing other than the Thanksgiving trip to Colorado with Larry’s son and family. That hardly counts as a honeymoon. Yes, we are talking about something really nice, perhaps a bit nicer than Larry is okay with. Since I’m in the writer’s seat here, I’ll say my piece and I’m sure that Larry will be willing to state his point of view soon enough.

By now you must know us well enough to understand there are some basic differences between us. And that’s a great thing. I can’t imagine living with someone like me all the time, we’d kill each other eventually, haha. Maybe haha, should not appear in the same sentence with kill, huh. I love that we are two different and unique guys, I have none of his abilities and he doesn’t have any of mine. Good start. I’m interested in art and writing, have developed business skills that earned me a very comfortable living over the years. Larry is very mechanical, there’s nothing that he feels he can’t handle, and usually ignores the instructions because he just knows how things go together. So down to the basics, he can make things work, and I can make things beautiful, okay so maybe there’s a better word out there for my skills.

Another thing about my husband, he insists that everything is 50/50 between us. We both share bills, costs, whatever. And here’s where there’s a bit of a challenge for us. When I married Lisa she insisted that there’d be a prenup between us before marriage. She came to the marriage with a considerable amount of assets that she was not willing to share with me if the marriage broke up. No problem there, I might not have had quite what she had, but I wasn’t too far behind. And with Pops advice and support documents were drawn up to protect each of us. Nice, our divorce was as easy as our marriage.

Larry, on the other hand, had more to deal with his ex-wife and let’s face it, perhaps wasn’t in the same earnings league I was in with the company. I’m not bragging, just that my salary kept growing and much of it was on paper as well. It’s just how many corporations' do business. And I’m not going to go into that with you except that I do not have a prenup with Larry and I did not want one as well. I fully expect to share all of my assets with him and want him to accept them from me. Yeah, that’s the hitch right now. Remember, Larry is Mr. 50/50 and taking anything from me is a problem right now. That’s a part of the honeymoon thing I’m getting to soon enough.

Perhaps this might be a good place to report that Larry and I have not combined our bank accounts yet or are there talks about doing that in the future. He and I have our own VISA cards, plus savings and checking accounts in different banks. I have thought about having a common checking account to pay bills and where we both make deposits to cover the payments. Right now, I have most of the expenses coming from my checking account and Larry makes deposits to cover his portion of the bills. We both use our own debit cards for groceries unless it’s a major shopping trip and it’s usually back to my account and him covering his portion with a deposit later. We could use some advice from those of you who have been married for years and how you handle finances if you’d like to share that with us.

My parents were philanthropic with their wealth, some money was earmarked for education for us, and a college foundation was also set up for struggling musicians. It’s all very complicated but handled by Pops for many years. I too have followed in their footsteps and expect to sit down with Pops one day and help plan what happens after I’m gone. However, I want the 50/50 thing to lighten up between us. I want to share everything I have with my husband; I don’t have the feeling that he is sponging off of me as I think he does feel. So, I know we both would like to travel to Europe, perhaps Brazil or even Australia. So perhaps a couple of weeks, push it to a month? And then what? Personally, I’d like to buy a mountain cabin, or maybe a houseboat, something that we could go to when we get stir-crazy here in Granite Bay. I so planned on buying the cabin we stayed in that I wrote about, but the Shasta fire burnt it to the ground. And then I’m thinking do we really want to be in the middle of a forest with a long-ass private road to get there in a state where forest fires are a yearly event? 

I do think we need to be able to get away from this house from time to time. Pops spends at least half a week with his buddies, either here or there, it should not be a problem for us to get away. I’d think getting away in the winter to a more summer like place would make sense, but then we sometimes get summer where the temperature reaches 115 degrees, and we all shelter inside. I don’t know, but we should do something and right now, the cost of whatever we want to do is being a factor for Larry. I wish it wasn’t and he’d let me spend the money I worked so hard for on him. Maybe it will take a little more time being married that will change things for us, it’s only been since November that we got married, not that long ago.

Well, that’s where we are right now, we do get to spend time away from here often, even if it’s only for a day trip or over-night trip. It’s fun and it’s been easier for me to act the way Larry wants me to act, in other words, be his husband and proud of it. I am, or way more than proud, just because I’m a fucking coward coming out to so many of my business friends and acquaintances, it’s hard for me. I’ve been playing the straight guy for so many years, it’s something hard to ditch. I think it’s because I just don’t want to spend hour after hour explaining how I got from straight married to gay married so easily. Maybe I don’t want to share the fact that for years I had to fantasize about dicks to be able to cum with either one of my wives. Why should they need to know that, I mean, they might be thinking that once they find out I’m not who I’ve pretended to be for my whole life. It’s so much easier being in a new town or city meeting new people as a gay husband to other gay people. It’s a coming out story that I just haven’t worked out the storyboard yet.

GROWING UP GAY AND NOT WANTING TO BE

I’m thinking maybe if I write something about that period in my life, it will help me get over my problem. I know from conversations with many of you that follow our blog, that some knew they were gay before they had a word for it. Others a lot like us, after living a life as a straight guy, married with children and in some cases grandchildren, found the strength to need to come out of the closet.

I’m trying to think back to when it happened for me. I know for a fact because of the album pictures that were gifted to me from Pops, as a toddler, I was big into ditching my clothes once I was out of diapers. I also know there were a lot of naked pictures of the band members and some women as well in the album either in San Francisco’s Golden Gate Park, or at my parents' home in the Santa Cruz mountains. I do remember some of those times, I can’t say for sure anything about the toddler timeframe though. I do remember my mother and father taking my sister and me to nude beaches in the Davenport area of Santa Cruz when we were young. I also remember it stopping when I was almost a teenager. I think my questions were getting a little too embarrassing for them I bet. I also remember because I was older at the time that many of the nude sunbathers were not young and certainly not in great shape. Not like my parents were, that’s for damn sure. There were a lot of people at the nude beaches that made me wonder where they got the guts to expose themselves that way. Well, going to nude beaches ended when they bought the mountain house with a big pool and a place where the band could practice without disturbing the neighbors.

When I was a young teen and overly concerned about how chunky was getting to be the description of me by others, I found it a lot easier to just stay in my room upstairs with my window overlooking the pool area. Diet wasn’t in my vocabulary yet, especially as an Italian kid who loved food and snacking. Well, if I was careful, I could look out my window and hopefully not be seen watching all the fun the naked people were having in and around the pool. 

I know for a fact that I spent more time checking out the naked men than the women getting in and out of the pool; I definitely was interested in spotting a man with a hard-on if possible. I never did get to see a hard dick unfortunately, especially since I was getting them at the most inopportune moments. I had a lot to learn about sexuality and I had no one willing to teach me at the time.

Now that I’m recalling that part of my life, some things are coming back to me that I haven’t thought about for so many years. Women were always included in the group, most of the men were married or had girlfriends, I guess. The curious thing was that for most of the women, they were just topless, not totally naked, of course there were others who let it all hang out like the men. And that was the curious thing for my young mind. Why topless, and just cover a triangle of dark hair, there was nothing to see there, but the boobs, they were fascinating. First of all, I found looking at the women’s breasts almost as much fun as seeing the men’s dicks. At least from my window, their boobs were easier to spot than dicks. I don’t think two women were alike in the breast department, I remember feeling bad for a woman with melon-like boobs, I wondered how she could handle that much weight on her chest. And then at the opposite end was the woman with hardly anything close to being a breast. My favorite boobs were someplace in the middle of the extremes. Yes, just so you know more, I had girl friends in high school and yes, I got to second-base if touching boobs was considered second-base. Any girlfriend I had were in the middle of the boob continuum. Also, just so you know, I finally got the answer why some women chose to wear the bottom of their bathing suit from a high school girlfriend; well, I was young and clueless at the time.

When it came to my mother or father being naked, I grew up with those hippies, nothing unexpected to report there, haha. Well, when it came to my dad, he possessed everything I wanted to have for myself, and I was starting to get there around 14 years-old or so. My belly was the first to get hairy after the pubes and then my chest hair came in a bit later, however, the hair stopped short before it reached my neck. If I wanted to show off my young hairy chest, it meant there were going to be at least three open buttons on my shirt. Considering it was in the 1970’s at the time, the only other thing I needed was some gold chains; not for me though. But back to my dad, he was a hairy guy, both front and backside, a lot like many of the men of his band, that’s something I checked out as often as I could. Are you getting the least hint of why I’m so in love with my hairy husband’s look. At least I did get a hairy chest out of the family’s gene pool, that was more than important to me. It was becoming evident in my teen years, I wasn’t going to be a carbon copy of my dad, whom I loved so much; it was my mother’s side of the family that I tended to look like.

All this reverie is bringing back so many memories that I’ve buried or just forgot about. I was fascinated with my father’s body hair when it became wet from the pool or just sweat. Cute little ringlets of hair would develop on his body, however, nothing like that ever happened for me though. Guess whose new husband’s wet body hair can look like that? Too easy, huh. I wanted to touch my father’s body hair to know what it felt like, but something inside me said, “…you better not do that, or he will know too much about you.” See, I was already knowing that something about me was not right, and I had to fight off those thoughts.

My teenage years were the pits, I’d love the chance to go back and fix some things, but then I’d not be the man I am today or in love with my husband. I spent so much of those years sullen and alone in my room, not that there were all the toys we have for kids today, I didn’t need them. I liked to draw and paint pictures and I liked to write in my journal too. I have no idea what happened to any of that stuff over the years. The reason I’d like to go back and make some changes is because I lost my parents a couple of years later, they were just here and then gone forever after the accident. I never got to say goodbye, say I’m sorry for being such a sullen kid. Everything changed in a heartbeat. I was 16 when I graduated from high school and off to college right after and on my own, there was no looking back not for a long time. There was this off-chance that I could have chosen to be gay if I thought that was what I was, but I didn’t think I was at all. I liked looking at girl's boobs, and I liked looking at guys dicks equally well. What did that make me, I didn’t know. Maybe all guys liked both, I mean we all love our dicks and play with them as often as we can, so why would it be wrong to like dicks no matter who’s dick it happens to be. Like I said, I had a lot to learn about life yet.

It became very evident that in the world I was playing in, there were no out gays to reference. Oh, I’m sure there were many closet gays my age but how do you find them if that’s what you wanted to do? It was a lot easier to find a female to dance with, go out on a date with, or just study with. Besides, they were a lot prettier and smelled so much better than guys. But it became evident over the years, everything I just said, just wasn’t as good as imagining what a guy’s dick looked like and what it might feel like. Sure, that’s about as gay as it gets, but not if you don’t want it to be. Just bury it and rub one out later when you are all alone with your mental fantasies. A helluva lot easier.

When I married my first wife, everything I just wrote about was true about me. I was playing straight because it was easier and less stressful and more importantly, more acceptable. I never tried to connect with a guy when I was married only after my divorce was a fact. I did try to see if that’s what I needed to feel better about myself. Well, that didn’t work out very well as some of you might remember. Is it too hard to believe that I’d eventually put myself into another marriage of convenience?

Talk about a synopsis of my young life in a few paragraphs. Did it help me, maybe. Having Larry in my life is more important than anything I just wrote about. I love to read what Larry might write about if he looked into his life as I just did for myself. We do share many similar things in our backgrounds. Perhaps I just gave him an idea to pursue the next time he decides to write a chapter.

It will be five years for the blog coming up soon, it’s not hard to believe that maybe we’ve reached a point in the blog that comes full circle. A lot has happened in the dozen or so years in our lives and I look forward to where we will be in the years to come. If the journal continues, who knows where we might be located. I seriously doubt that Granite Bay will be our final home. We really do not need a place this large and it should go back to become what it was meant to be years ago. Perhaps we will sell it back to the firm to be used with a new set of caretakers. I know that Larry will be very disappointed in that scenario, that is unless we find a better more suitable place for us, and in a size that we can handle by ourselves.

I think this is a good place to end the chapter for now, and I’m glad I decided to write again, I miss talking to you guys. You are our only real friends and that’s nice to know. Love you guys!

Marcus

Here is a link to the next posting by Larry:

https://brosgonerogue.blogspot.com/2024/03/larrys-32nd-post-catching-up-with-us.html#more