Larry's 32nd Post: Catching Up With Us

Hi guys, it’s me Larry trying to catch you up with us.

We have been away from home more than we have been home lately. There’s a reason, we are on the best honeymoon ever! Okay, in MHO, hahah. You know as I’m thinking about this, Ellen and me never had a real honeymoon, I was in the Coast Guard when we got married and then she got pregnant right away, so forget a honeymoon. When I was home on leave, that was our honeymoon I guess, considering that we ended up with two kids outta those leaves. We were just fucking kids ourselves back then.

Now as far as I’m concerned, Marc and old me have been on a honeymoon from the time I moved in with him back in COVID time. Anyway, Marc does not want me or himself to write about the honeymoon because it is ours and nobody else’s. I kinda get it, but sure as fuck would love to write about what we’ve been up to. Maybe I’ll get him to let us say something about it one day.

The Condo in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico

Anyway, I can say this because it really wasn’t just the honeymoon part. We went down to Cabo San Lucas to check on the condo that Pops gave us the deed to some time ago. If you remember, he asked us not to evict the renter guy he’s had for years. He’s a good man and not so young anymore. You know, we’d never do that to anyone or behind Pops’ back. Anyhow, back to the condo again, no way we would want to live there, I mean Cabo is fucking awesome during the wintertime here, but we are used to having a lot of privacy at home. That place was like living in a fucking fishbowl. Too many people living so close together, besides, we like being naked around the house, we’d probably get arrested if we did that down there. Well, that guy has a place to live for the rest of his life as far as we are concerned. We get money deposited from his rent payments and we keep it in a special account in case we need to repair stuff or for whatever the condo needs. 

Anyhow, now that you know we were down in Mexico on a “business trip,” it would be kinda stupid if we didn’t stay there for a couple more days before going home. Anyway we did too, we went to Puerto Vallarta and that’s saying more than I should, except I could tell you one of us got way more than his fill of home-made tequila from a recommendation to go visit where they make Don Tadeo Tequila someone gave us in Cabo. I wonder who that might be, hahah. If you don’t already know about me by now, you might still be guessing which one. I’ll give you a big clue, the “old Mark” would love him some good Mexican cerveza while down there though, since his favorite booze was only beer. Nope, it didn’t happen, I’m sticking to my club soda. I think I’m totally addicted to that shit now.

Tequila the old way.

Cutting off the leaves.

I never knew anything about how tequila was made before, probably since I never tasted it or wanted to taste it. Still don’t, more for you know who I guess, but it was really cool learning how they did it though. I didn’t want to tell them I was an alcoholic, so I didn’t.

SPENDING MONEY IS NOT EASY FOR ME

Distilling the tequila

It wasn’t all roses when it came to spending money around here before we left for the honeymoon. I hope you guys know that I’m an equal partner, like 50/50 in our relationship, we share everything. I don’t want him to think I’m only here because I want him to spend his money on me. I know, that’s stupid thinking but it’s always been in my mind. Man, when we first moved in next door to Al and Lisa, we’d be invited to go out for dinner together, and they’d always pick a fancy restaurant, I guess to impress us. Man, if they only knew a nice restaurant for us was a chain place like Chili’s or Olive Garden, or even a burger joint. We just never spent money that way. Anyway, the last thing I’d want them to think was that we didn’t belong living here next door to them. I said it was stupid already, right? I am not a tightwad, well kinda maybe a little.

The pond near the entrance.

You know, I made fairly good money after I got my shit together and became a junior partner at work. Ellen was already making a very good income after she got promoted a couple of times. It was finally looking up for us and I figured maybe we’d actually get to have a saving account for once; well inflation wasn’t such a big thing way back then. Anyhow, we did actually get to save some money because I’m really tight on how we spent our newer incomes. I didn’t have a credit card in my name, but Ellen did. I don’t want to get into why I was not the best bank risk back in the old days, but I bet some of you can figure that one out yourselves. After being able to save part of our income, thanks to me being a fucking pain in the ass about saving part of it, I got the news from my wife that we need to move outta the South Sacramento area and find a really nice place to match our new income. Somehow, that savings account balance was talking to her, and it wasn’t let's watch it grow bigger. Anyhow she really meant it and wasn’t gonna back down at all on moving. I mean, she wasn’t making my life miserable or anything like that, she was sugar-coating everything until I agreed to go take a look at this place that she thought she wanted so fucking bad.

The entrance road and guard house

I gotta tell ya, the closer we got to Granite Bay the more I was liking it. It was so country-like with all the oak trees and so much open space. I’m not gonna tell her this, but I could like living here. When we finally got to the area where this house was supposed to be, we had to stop at a guard gate to talk to the guy about why we needed to be there. That wasn’t so bad once we told him it was about a house we were looking to buy. Ya, but everything about this place seems so far above my paygrade. Fuck, I wanted to just turn around and go back home, maybe I could convince Ellen that it was finally nice to have money in the bank for once in our lives. Ya, but I kinda really wanted to know what was beyond that gate, part of me wanted to ask him if they stocked the little lake with fish, but I knew better if I didn’t want to get punch in the arm by her, hahah. Ya, but my gut said we were just setting ourselves up for a big letdown, I didn’t think that we belonged there at all.

Anyhow, he let us in because we were to meet a realtor to look at a house, that made the man smile and give us direction to the street we needed to go to for the house. Cool, that wasn’t so bad. Once we got past the gate and saw some of the homes, I figured, no way we are gonna be living here; but I didn’t say that to her, just thought it to myself. We finally got to the house, and it wasn’t as big as most and it had a second floor, ya that was cool, I never lived anywhere with a second floor. The first thing I wanted to do was look in the backyard, even before going inside. That kinda pissed Ellen off and said she was sure there would be a door inside that I could use to check out the yard. I think she was on to me by then.

Knowing what I know now about Marc’s place, the house we were looking at was pretty normal-like I guess; way bigger that anything we ever lived in before though. I wanted to know more about the price, but Ellen kept shushing me. I kinda knew that we were gonna be buying this place if it was possible. But at least I wanted to go out in the backyard, wow, that was nothing but nature and trees and big rocks. Really natural except for the patio area near the house. I could live with that and figured that with all that nature I could come up with something cool.

After we finished with the realtor lady, we talked about the cost and what a good investment it would be for us. Ya right lady, good commission coming up for her investment! Well, you don’t want to know about the cost, trust me. Somehow, Ellen was more than okay with the price and used the word “us” a lot to the realtor. You know I’m not the best numbers guy, that’s Marcus, that was part of his job. But somehow, I saw dollar bills flying all around my head while I was there. Ya, forget about our fucking savings, we’re gonna need everything we had and a lot more. I was afraid to ask about the property taxes here, but I managed to bring it up which totally pissed Ellen off. She let me know all the way home in the car. I guess I could carry on for a lot longer about this, but that was a long time ago, and we did talk a lot about it for a few days, and then we made an offer that they took. It was a lot lower than what they were asking for, so I began to wonder what’s wrong with this place! I guess the owners had a reason to settle for what we offered. I had no complaints about the cost anymore.

Oh ya, before I forget to say, after we left the realtor, Ellen wanted for me to meet Lisa and her husband if they were home. The gate was open to their property, but they never answered the door. Knowing what I do now about Marc, back then he was probably in the pool, what he called his “quiet office.” Up close to their house it was kinda hard to see how big the place really was, but it was impressive, and I loved the landscaping. But I didn’t know anything about them other than Lisa was a very good business friend of my wife’s, and nothing at all about Al her husband. I figured he was some old guy with megabucks and his trophy wife. (Lisa is a very pretty woman which I soon found out.) Anyhow, I knew one thing for fucking sure, it will be way different living here from anyplace we’ve ever lived before.

LIVING IN MY OWN SHADOW IS DARK

You guys gotta know enough about me by now, ya I can honestly say I belong here with Marcus now. But a few years before we moved up here, I was the guy who was downing a few beers every day. Okay let’s make that a couple of six-packs at a time and smoking a cigarette or a cigar someone laid on me at work. A few years earlier I would have been smoking weed and a lot more beers than a couple of six-packs, I was always high.

Anyway, before you get to hating the old me, I got myself sober and I was free of my drug addiction even before that. But smoking cigarettes, not so much. I kinda figured one addiction at a time! My cigarette habit took longer though. I can thank Marcus for being such a pain in the ass about my smoking. He gave it up back when he was 27 years old. He can’t stand the smell of smoke or ashtrays. Now that I’m off of them too, ya, I understand the smell stink he talked about, me too now. Hahah, now I’m as pure as the fucking driven snow! Go ahead and believe that I dare you! If you think I’m gonna give up my sex and dick addiction with Marcus, think again! Hahah.

Marcus, of course, long before I got to call him by that name, was responsible for more than me giving up smoking. I always said, one addiction at a time, anyway. It was time to do it since I was the only one smoking in the group and everyone was on my ass about it. The best thing I ever got from my new best friend was to get over my self-hate. It didn’t help that I was a big loner in life, even with a wife, family, and new neighbors that we really liked. I had been bullied in my younger life about stuff I didn’t know how to deal with at the time. I wanted to be loved, ya, I was loved but not like I wanted to be. Maybe it was more of I wanted to be accepted for who I am, not something that I wasn’t. I wanted that especially from my wife. We’ve been together for almost my whole life, and now we aren’t anymore. But you know that about me, I am finally with someone who accepts me just as I am, I don’t havta change a fucking thing except my mind if I slip back into who I used to be.

I knew almost from the time I first met Al after we moved in, that I could trust him. I just did and it felt right deep inside me. Except for telling the truth about how I really felt about him, anyway, he couldn’t do the same, so we are even. That sounds so stupid now when I see it in writing, that’s fucking sad, we wasted so much time getting to where we are today. Anyhow, back to what I was thinking about, Al worked hard at my head for a long time about my self-image. I so wanted what he was telling me to be the truth, but if he was just shitting me, I’d be so fucking over him. Little by little, I let Al into my life of self-hate and what probably got me that way. Al seemed kinda excited that I was starting to loosen up about that stuff. Eventually, I was okay with him knowing more about me and my past, but it was years later that I opened up to Joe our pool man and he became my first trusted friend after Al. After that, I really changed, and the old Mark was becoming just a bad memory.

 

The thing I desired the most of all was to be touched, in all the years Ellen and me were married, touching was not a thing for us. I don’t know if I said that right, of course there was touching with sex, not sure how you could do that without touching. Like I love my skin to be touched or stroked, even my hair, that’s what I wasn’t getting from her, even though I did that with her. Oh man, she was so protective about her nipples, anything to do with her breasts for sure. I don’t remember ever hurting her by accident, but she made sure I watched myself around them. Fuck, I even love my nipples to be played with or sucked if you can find them under my fur. Anyhow, Ellen wasn’t big in the breast department, maybe kinda normal size, I guess. But that didn’t stop me from dreaming about big boobs! I don’t know what I’d really do if I ever got a chance with them, maybe bury my head in them, hahah. Well that will never happen anyway unless one of us grows big man-boobs one day.

I’ve talked often about how Ellen was very critical about just how furry my body is and how my muscles would be so easy to see for everyone if I shaved my body clean. Ya, screw that, I don’t like be looked at anyway. I’m not sure I really should be telling you this, but when it came to sex between us, she was the one on top, she did not like the feel of my hairy body on her. I’m glad that’s not a problem for Marc! Anyhow, the sex was okay, like I’m a fucking guy, of course getting off is always a good thing, but a little variety would have been more fun and less boring. I can’t believe I just wrote that sex was boring! Not anymore!

One of the things I picked up, maybe back when I was working on my addictions, was hugging. I guess after what I just wrote about myself and Ellen, it makes sense. I fucking love hugging and I even got my best friend Al to like it too. He said he never hugged anyone that he could remember before but loves to hug now. When we were getting to know each other back long ago, I hugged him the first time, but after that he often went for the hug before me. I never let him know how much that meant to me, I was too embarrassed to admit it I guess. I was finally feeling very human and loved as a friend to another guy. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever be able to express how that made me feel for years, but I do know that sometimes it made me kinda cry a bit at night if I woke up to go pee and couldn’t go right back to sleep. This time it was happy tears, nothing like the tears I had when I was being bullied as a little kid. There were times though that I told myself, don’t get too carried away thinking your life was gonna change for the better, be ready for the time when he gets tired of me and moves on. Fortunately, that never happened, and the only thing I ever had to deal with was how fucking lucky a guy like me can get.

JOE'S UPDATE

I was thinking that since we don’t post that often anymore, I should say something about my new buddy Joe, our pool man and good friend too. When I started getting Marc outta the house with me it kinda meant we could miss seeing Joe for coffee on his Tuesdays with us. There were times when we would hang around until he came in the morning, but his schedule was changing all the time. It’s too cold to swim everyday now especially in the morning anyway, but that’s okay we love to have coffee with him, and I do love the donuts he brings most of the time. The last time he was over here, I told him that we were gonna be gone from here for a while, but our Pops would be here sometimes with his buddies. I asked him to kinda look to see if Pops was home and maybe he could have coffee with him for a while. Joe said he would try but as we could see that his schedule was kinda tight now. With a new daughter and a wife not working, he was trying to add more customers to his business because they could use the money right now. I shoulda known it was gonna be that way, his pool business has been his only income since his wife was pregnant and not doing that well. 

When Joe was outside that morning, I talked to Marc and said that I want to help Joe out with a check since his bills are really large now. Marc asked how much I was thinking, I really didn’t know exactly, maybe a couple of hundred would help with the groceries and gas. Marc said that he would match what I gave but maybe we should up it to five hundred between us. I knew I could count on him to help out and I went into the office to write a check from our joint account for Joe. When he was done with the pool and filter, he came to the door to say goodbye. That’s when I asked him to come in for a minute, we wanted to tell him something. He reminded me that he had little time to spare, but he would come in for a minute. Marcus was the one who told him about what we wanted to do for him, especially after he looked at me and thought I was gonna lose it. I think I would have too, I’m such a softy. But it was something important for me, and I feel things really deeply sometimes. But I got it together and told him to use it for whatever they wanted, it’s from both of us and our gift for the new baby girl. Joe said it was too much and he didn’t have any words at the time. He hugged Marc first and then me. When it was my time for the hug, he told me that he would always have time for us and that he couldn’t wait for the weather to change so he could join us in the pool again. Good, I was hoping for that, even if it was only for a few minutes at a time, I loved sharing the pool with him and the conversations we had together. I gave him a kiss on his cheek before we broke the hug, and then he left through the office door for his next job. 

I don’t know when we will see him again, we’ve been in and outta the house so often now, sometimes it’s for only a day or two, and sometimes longer. I miss the house, but I love getting my time with Marc more. You know, just because we live together all the time, we do have our alone time too. I have my wood working shop outside and the weight room inside that I go to all the time. Marcus loves to learn his new animation software and he paints pictures on his iPad too. It’s important to have our own time because it makes our time together so special. Now that we have been going away from the house together is a new kinda special and I love that we get to be husbands, not just a couple of guys who go out for coffee and try not to look like a couple. That was the way it was for years.

I hope that when we are gone from here that Pops and Joe will get some coffee time together, I know they both like each other very much. Pops is so cool.

GETTING OUT WITH MY HUSBAND

Sacramento International Airport MESS

As much as I love being with Marc and seeing places I’ve never been to before, I gotta say that flying places is a fucking pain in the ass as far as I’m concerned. At first it was exciting, but now it’s really, “Flying again huh?” And the TSA lines are a bitch! But I’m with my husband and I can handle it, just suck it up and have fun damn it!

I’m sure it was something I said once like, “Maybe a train next time, huh?” Me and my big mouth, a train trip is coming up I know it. I’ll tell you one thing for fucking sure, I’m not sleeping in a drop-down bunk, it better be in a big enough bed for two on the floor of the compartment, besides, I don’t sleep alone, I like to cuddle when it’s cold. Anyway, I can’t complain too much because I’ve been working on getting Marc outta the house with me just going places together like a real couple that we are. Please don’t think that we are all over each other when we are out, you know like, “get a room guys!” But I don’t want to act like we are just a couple of business guys on a trip. Marc knows how I feel about this, and he’s been so great about changing too. Anyhow, it’s working really well for us, and I thought you guys would like to know.

IT'S ABOUT OUR BLOG FRIENDS TOO

I guess I have a lotta little things I want to say this time, but I’ll try to keep it as short as I can. Our blog’s good friend Billy recently wrote in a letter to Marc that I got to read too. This is a part of what Billy wrote to Marcus: 

“I’m so proud of you guys but you kind of did things backward to many. You fell in love with the first guy that you were truly into. NOTHING wrong with that but you didn’t have that time to out and date and be public about it and now you are married to each other. My last thought here is this. I believe that most people aren’t offended by your being gay. Gay is just a word and that’s something that many can get past. Once you introduce your husband, now you are gay and sexual. They see the object of your desire. They see you as a sexual being. You can handle that 1 of 2 ways. You can be scared and worry about their thoughts, or you can be proud and show him off. For now, you can live the middle, that’s ok. Just have a goal or plan on how you get from point A to point B.”

I love reading what Billy writes us and the comments he makes on the blog. This time he got us both, I have no problems right now being known as gay, I don’t know very many people who know me as gay or straight. Marcus on the other hand knows a ton of people who know him as straight and now he’s supposed to be gay. I get it, that’s why I’m trying so hard to make it easy for him.

Anyhow, that’s the two of us, we kinda jumped right into a relationship without checking out other guys. Billy got me on that, not that sure that’s really true about Marc, he told me there were times before he married Lisa that he went looking for gay sex, but it just never worked out good for him. I never even thought about looking for sex outside of marriage. But Billy sure as fuck got me on not getting out there to experiment.

I’m that kinda guy for sure. I had only one girl friend and I married her when I was 20 years old and was damn sure no one else would ever want me like she did. We would have been married 38 years by now; not any more though, it’s over and we are divorced.

I never made friends easily but I’m working on that. I can be a really loyal friend though. IDK, if we never moved up here, I’m might still be married to Ellen, and I guess okay with the kind of sex life I had with her. But I did move up here, and I did find another kind of love I didn’t know I needed. My life changed so much after moving and meeting Al; back then I’d never think I’d want to be divorced and marry him, that just never got into my head. Not even when five years ago we took that trip together; I was more scared to think of what we were doing and where it was gonna go. I never knew how good sex could be, and I never wanted it to end. Maybe just be something we had to hide and feel guilty about doing. Oh, I felt guilt big time and felt what horny really felt like too. Those couple of years hiding what we were up to, was horrible and painful. Marc writing about it made it almost worse, nah, not almost! After I knew about the blog and I’d read what he wrote, and I knew we couldn’t get together for days, it was painful.

If you ever wondered why I moved in to work with Marcus back in Covid days, now you gotta know why. We finally got together and nothing except work got in our way. I knew sex was gonna be available and I’d never havta ask or beg for it, and he didn’t either. That was more than sweet! 

I said we had a lotta guilt over what we were up to, but after I found out what our wives were doing behind our backs for years, forget guilt! Hello sex anytime we wanted it, and not guilt as long as we didn’t talk to anyone but you guys about it. We were still in the closet as they say about guys like us. But that was gonna change one day. I did not want to live with that feeling any longer. 

My best friend in the world, Al, worked on my head for years, he made me love myself when no one, not even my wife, could do that. Now it seemed like my best friend couldn’t deal with anyone knowing how much he loved me, except for those we write about. I don’t know how I got over that shit myself, but I did, and it was a weight off my back. I just knew I could help Marc get over it, but I didn’t have a plan yet. I did know that anywhere around where we lived, it was too hard for him, but when we were far from home, he was more like me. That’s when I figured, get him outta the fucking house, go places that he never hung around. And it’s working, so we keep doing it. That’s why you aren’t seeing a lotta posts from us. And now we are calling it a “Honeymoon.” I hope it lasts forever; we are so happy together.

PAYING MY SHARE

Remember what I wrote at the beginning, I don’t want to feel like I can’t pay my share of whatever we do together, well, I did mention it to Charlie in a letter to him. He has been a good friend of our blog for years now. I’ve been calling him a “Bad Ass” because I knew that’s what he needed to hear from someone one day. He writes us lots of times and he has gone through a whole bunch of shit in his marriage and now he’s the one in control. Anyhow, in the letter he wrote back to me got to me, so I asked him if I could put his words in my chapter, he said I could so I’m gonna put them here next. I got all watery-eyed reading it, I guess I really am a softy for sure.

“I understand your intense desire to pay your share.  I totally get it.  On the other hand, though, (I am guessing you already know this, but I'm going to say it anyway), there is a tremendous joy in being able to give feelings and memories and experiences to someone you love.  You gave it to Marc when he had his knee surgery, and you both gave it to Ryan and his family when he visited you guys for Christmas.  And now (from what you are saying) Marc wants to give that to the person he loves the absolute most in the world.  Now with that said, and with how much you and I are alike, I am guessing it feels pretty weird for you.  That's OK.  I just want to encourage you to receive the gift from the man who means more to you than life itself.  Make incredibly good memories together!  Even though I don't know details (and I don't need to know details), the two of you are encouraging me and giving me hope that I never dreamed possible.  And for that I am very very grateful!!

(I don't mind if you want to share this with Marcus if you want.) Now, have a fucking fantastic time with your new husband and know that I am so very happy for the both of you!!”

Charlie is a good friend of ours and I feel good that I have been able to say some words that worked for him. I’m not that smart, kinda smart enough, I guess. I couldn’t believe my eyes when I read that from him, why couldn’t I see what he saw with what Marcus wanted for us. I do now thanks to Charlie for opening my eyes. I really do understand that sometimes I can be a little closed minded over expenses at times. It’s just that I have spent a lotta years working from paycheck to paycheck. It kinda stuck with me even after starting to make a better income. Have no worries though, I’m having the time of my life now, everything is COOL!

One last thought before I end this thing. I have been thinking maybe being retired at my age will get boring one day. Ya think?! Yup, I do, maybe even for Marcus even though he’s the old man between us, hahah. We have been talking about doing something totally different than either of us have done before. Something that gives back to the community and makes us feel good inside. I think to start maybe it’s gonna be volunteering someplace that needs help. I’m not sure if it should be a new business even though Marc would know how to do that, I don’t think I want to see us 24/7 trying to make it go and losing our time together. That’s why I think volunteering is better. Anyhow, I thought I’d lay that idea on ya for now. We are working on it.

I said that I would keep this shorter, at I least I tried. We will be leaving again real soon, and I want this posted before we go. I wish I could tell you everything, just like I have for a long time now, but it’s important to keep our honeymoon ours alone, I hope you understand. Maybe we can work on our tans, whoops I didn’t say that! Hahah.

Love you guys!

Larry