Larry's 6th Post The Raw Me

Hi, this is Larry again, surprise! I bet you thought it was going to be Marcus. I cheated and spent more time writing than him. I had all these ideas to talk about, so work got screwed this week. Don’t tell anybody! I should warn you; I’m going to write about myself this time. If I bore the shit out of you, look for the bold text and move on to something else, okay? 

There were so many thoughts going through my mind recently, I don’t know where to start. I know I want to talk about Big Sur and not just repeat what Marc wrote. Oh, there’s a whole bunch of stuff there I can still remember. And I was thinking about telling you something you might not know about me and Marc too. Then there’s some stuff before the two of us got to know each other, and some right after. I don’t know what might be interesting enough though. I’m not going to sweat the horny shit though, if I get horny writing, it might show up too. I’m sure that’s how Marcus writes.

LEARNING ABOUT MY PAST

I’m too sexy for a shirt, huh?

Before I write about our second trip together to Big Sur for a week, maybe you should know more about me first. I hope you don’t mind. I do know Marc told you I had a troubled past. Wow, troubled doesn’t begin to be the right word. Even fucked up hardly covers it good enough. I’m not even going to try and find a better word; I don’t have lots of words in me anyway. Then there’s this shit about my lost memory too. Maybe that’s a good thing for me.

Okay, here goes. Yeah João, I’m going to slow the movie down in my head now. I was seriously abused as a young boy, so much so that I was taken away from my family. My parents which I hardly remember anymore, were total drunks, both of them. They did things I have put out of my mind, and I don’t want to talk about ever. I didn’t eat very much as a kid, maybe I never liked the food I ate anyway. I was way underweight and asthmatic too. I don’t think the last name I have today was theirs though. I believe I was adopted sometime after I was removed and given their last name. I also believe I might be Dutch; however, I know my last name Janssen is Dutch. People tell me I look like I might be Dutch too. So, I guess, “if it walks like Dutch, and quacks like a Dutch, it must be a Dutch.” 

I don’t really know what happened to the people who named me, they were much older, like grandparents age. Maybe I was too much for them because I was returned to the Foster Care Child Protection once again. I know I was an angry kid, and it’s a good bet I was a fucking pain in the ass for everybody. I remember not feeling like I belonged to anyone, after which I didn’t give a shit anymore. I only needed me, well I thought. But that wasn’t true, because I found other kids just as troubled and I began to hang with them. That was not my best decision on hindsight.

LIVING WITH BULLYING

Bully words not allowed

During all those years I was this skinny kid, that got bullied over my body. I didn’t gain weight, even when I started to eat better. Gaining weight is not something that I can do easily, even now and I know it must make Marcus upset that he can’t be that way. You know something, I never got bullied by fat kids. In fact, there was a time when my hero was this older taller and really fat kid. He always stepped in and chased the bullies away. I always wondered if they thought he’d just sit on them. It’s strange, the kind of kids that bullied me were the ones I wanted to look and be like myself.

Okay, time out in my story. I used two bully words that I don’t like to use, Skinny and Fat. I used them to make a point, but those are bully words, I’ll try to use better words from now on. 

It took me many, many years to change my body to what it looks like now, a lot of work, supplements, and the right food, some of which really sucked. I had to make the change because the bullying only got worse when I began to get hairy on such a very thin frame. How’s that for not writing, you know what? I had it, it was time to control something about myself. I did start bulking up while I was in the Coast Guard and then for years afterwards. I still had this chip on my shoulder, as they say, at least I thought I was a bad ass biker. Well until Mr. Bad Ass trashed his bike while stoned and almost killed himself. Ellen said if I ever bought a bike again, she’d see that something I loved about myself would be gone! I got the drift and have remained bike-less to date. I really don’t want one anyway. I have what I want.

It’s hard to believe today that I wasn’t ready to give up getting loaded after the crash. In fact, that’s when it got way worse. I got totally addicted to pain meds and when I couldn’t get them from my doctor, my friends found them for me. And a lot harder drugs too. It is amazing that Ellen stuck with me through so much. I don’t think I would have at all. My addiction was going to undo everything that was good in my life, I knew that, just didn’t know how to fix it. 

I succeeded and lost often for too long, but I did stick out detoxing myself finally. But it was like walking on egg shells, I always expected to fail. I finally had a couple of years clean and sober before we moved into Marcus’s neighborhood. My wife Ellen was the only successful earning member of our family, but I was turning my life around and was fortunate to get back into the work I loved. I was proud of myself and how Ellen stood by me, my kids never understood my disease though. Maybe they do now, but I wasn’t a good dad or husband for so long. At times I wondered if I was a drunk because my parents were too. Maybe it’s in my DNA? Well, all that seems so far away now.

I told you before that I gave Marc credit for keeping me sober. I can’t give you why my family, or Ellen didn’t get the credit, at least she should get top credit. But I lost my battle off and on before Marc. Like it’s ten plus years now for me being clean and sober. I’m so fucking proud of myself, I think I strut sometimes when walking by Marc’s side. Something happened the very moment I met him so many years ago. Whatever that was, is responsible for me wanting to make him proud of me. Man, we didn’t even know shit about each other yet. And I’ll be damned if I’d tell him I was an alcoholic and former user. At least not at that time, maybe later when I thought he could handle it.

I’m not sure I should have brought all this up to you, but this is part of who I am. I’m not just a blonde, hairy-assed horny guy that Marcus writes so nice about. I am nice though! I’ll ask Marc if I should take this stuff out of my chapter. I guess you’ll know his answer if you read it, huh?

LYING AWAKE HORNY

After that lake trip where everything changed between us, I spent so many restless nights laying next to my wife Ellen, frustrated that sex was not on the table, man, I was already on that table waiting, she could have had me in a minute, I’d probably last that long too! Hah! Mostly, I’d think about Marcus a lot, not sexually at first at all. Sorry Marc, not yet. I kept wondering why I wanted to impress him so much. He was just my neighbor and my best friend too. I didn’t have any men friends. At work my two partners said do not make personal friends with the employees, you are to be respected as a boss, not their friend. They will walk all over you otherwise. Maybe they were right, but I felt there were some guys that might be good friends if I tried. After meeting Marcus for the first time, I figured he was a guy my age that looked like he might like me as a friend. I hoped I’d not blow this chance I’d get.

Marcus's first impression to me

Marc wrote about that first meeting we had as new neighbors and I think I have too now. He used a picture to represent himself on that meeting. I think the picture he used is really hot looking, but he was hotter in person. (I should have Marc put that picture in here for me.) And I never felt that way about a guy before. What the hell! I could see the outline of his dick in his shorts. I never remember looking for dick outlines before; why now? Maybe because he looked a lot like the kind of guy, I wanted to look like but didn’t. Maybe that was my best excuse I had. I said I laid awake often over the years, I began to picture him like that now. I didn’t know why; it just was happening more and more. I remember the first time while laying awake thinking about him, I reached down to my dick and I was hard as a rock, and horny. I whacked off right there in front of my sleeping wife. I tried to control where I was shooting off, thankfully my dick lays up on my stomach. I came hard and all I was thinking about was him, what was that about? I honestly can’t tell you I thought about guys whacking off before because I don’t remember. 

Marc and I had coffee dates on my every other Friday off for a long time. I can tell you this, every time was the best time I ever had. And I didn’t tell him. What could I tell him, that he gave me a boner often, that when I jacked off, I thought about him? Even I had a hard time believing what was going on in my head. But it did, Marc never gave me a reason to think he was feeling like me. I had to do something to be sure I never slipped up with him. I was certain if I acted super straight, which I thought I was anyway, he’d never know about what was going on in my head. 

I’ll admit to this much about me, I found myself attracted to Marc the very first day. I didn’t know why, but the prospect of having a real man friend, especially one that was so good looking and lived next door was a lot to deal with. And I didn’t know squat about him yet. Well I knew he had a pool and I didn’t. And it gets fucking hot here, there’s a reason to become friends. No, it was much deeper than a pool, even though it’s a deep pool. Hah! I know that now. You know, even now thinking about something from so many years ago gets my dick twitching down there. I don’t know why I didn’t fight the thoughts, I certainly did verbally with him. I never jacked off to thinking about a guy and now I was. Marcus much later told me he was doing that too. Two stupid guys scared to death of what we were both thinking about. Mind blowing now. 🤯

BATHING SUIT HORROR

My first real fear came on the first day I accepted Marc’s offer to come for a swim one afternoon. Up until then I covered myself with long sleeve shirts and some board shorts that almost reached my ankles. You know me, I was still thinking I was not good enough like I was. Here is Marcus with a beautiful tan, the hairy chest and belly I’d have to shave most of my body to match, and the nicest smile you’d want to see from a friend. What’s he going to think or say when the old hair bear shows up for the swim? I wore a tank top and board shorts to swim in that day. Well, I didn’t own a real swimsuit anyway. And I was very white skinned with no tan in sight; maybe some on my forearms, that’s it. 

Marc took one look at me and said, “I thought you were coming over for a swim?” I said, “I am”. He said, “I don’t think so”. Alright, I took off the tank top and waited for the comment. Nothing, not a word other than where’s my swimsuit? I told him, “This is it.” “No, it’s not, it’s pants not long enough,” and he laughed at me, the turd! He has no idea what’s below these pants yet. There were a few swim times together, where that’s what I wore. And then one day it was too much for him I guess, because he brought out three different swimsuits of his for me to pick out and wear instead. He said I could go inside his office bathroom to change if I wanted to, but I bet now that I know more about us, that he wished I’d just change in front of him. Probably any normal guy would have done that too. I can tell you this for certain, it had nothing to do with my hairy body under the pants. It was worse, way worse in my mind. What if I got a boner being naked in front of him? It was bad enough that I was already getting them under my clothes anyway. Oh, the horror! 😂 Well, it was an issue in my head. Don’t laugh at me, it was a scary thought!

Where do I put my junk?

I picked the biggest suit first and the fucking thing slipped off my ass when I bent over, and I have a good-sized ass. One down, so I picked one a little shorter in length and I found that one scary too, it was still a couple of sizes too large for me. What if it falls off in the pool. So, what was left was a Speedo style that if I got a boner, it would look like a small tent was trying to cover my junk. To this day I have no idea how I got my balls inside that postage stamp of a bathing suit! I wasn’t happy with the choice, even my underwear briefs were bigger than that. I’m not sure that my big ass was completely covered but it’s what fit me out of the three. The one thing I did for myself, just in case, I pulled my dick up and put it into boner position if it happened. Now I was feeling safer. Not happy, just safer. I bet I gave Marc a boner after he saw me in that fucking thing too! Do you have any idea how old that image is in my mind? That was almost ten years ago! And it’s still in my brain! Why didn’t we just get naked?

You know, I was still waiting for Marcus to say something about my furry legs, nothing, still not a fucking word out of his mouth. Man, say something. Let me know it’s fine with you or make some kind of joke about it, let me know how you feel. Nothing, nothing at all. I finally came to believe that it didn’t make a difference to him. Whew, I was able to relax a lot more now. You know it was sometime much later he told me about his uncle that looked like me. I wish I knew that from day one. He actually found me hot looking! Son-of-a-bitch, he let me hang waiting for something that was never going to be said. Well one day he told me he wish he were hairier himself. Fuck! There was so much about us that was really okay and yet untold to each other! Maybe we needed almost eight years to get totally stripped naked in front of each other! I mean naked as who we really are inside, although I liked the naked outside part too! 😀

If you think I kept the sexy Speedo for next time, wrong! I gave it back and bought a more decent bathing suit for myself. Of course, I’d only wear it with him, never at a beach or in public. The first thing I did was cut out the ball catcher lining though. That fucker would pull my ball hair and make me scratch my balls too much. In a weak moment I told Marc I did that, and he told me he’s been doing that for years. It was fun letting him know something about me now, because he’d give me something back in return. Imagine that, we both hated the ball catcher and cut it out. Don’t laugh at us, this was big. Letting each other know personal stuff was new and kinda scary. Little by little we told each other stuff we’d never tell our wives or anyone else we knew. It was our little club and we were safe there. But not safe enough to tell each other about our real feelings for each other. That had to wait for an awfully long, long time.

FINDING OUT ABOUT THE JOURNAL BLOG

Marcus wrote an amazing love story about us in Big Sur, I don’t want to just repeat what he wrote or find fault with it. I don’t think there was anything wrong or missing except for me. I wasn’t even “Larry” yet, fuck, I didn’t even know there were all these stories about us out there too. I’ll try to get to that before I end my chapter. Maybe I should tell you some of the stuff before we planned the trip. 

I guess you should know it wasn’t that long before the Big Sur trip that we took our very first trip together, that was in March 2019. A weekend that blew away almost eight years of covers we had used together and exposed who we really were to each other. It was a fucking amazing weekend and all I could think about was doing it again. I didn’t care where, just again with just him. After that weekend Marcus and I talked a lot more and started to discover who the hell we really were as best friends with benefits. Later, when it was absolute fact that we would get a whole week away together, I think I had this permanent boner. But I wanted to look so cool to him, not some nutcase that couldn’t wait to get in bed with him, over and over again. Man, a whole fucking week alone together. Hah, I’m getting a boner just writing about that now. See Marcus, you didn’t know that about me, did you! Teach you not to trust me with the horny stuff!

Anyway, that might be the one thing he didn’t write about at the start of the planned vacation. Marcus called it “Mancation 2” which I found out later on. The first time I saw that in print, I thought it might be silly sounding, but later I got what he meant by it. It really was that, not just a regular vacation with the four of us. Marcus and his wife Lisa plus Ellen and I have vacationed and cruised together almost from the start of moving into the neighborhood. The four of us are really close friends, in a way maybe even more so now. You must know that. But my feeling about getting time away together again after that horny fest at the lake, was almost too much for me to hide from him. I don’t know why I felt I had to hide it though. Maybe you would feel this way too if you came off the lake trip like we did. We turned our platonic friendship upside down, or maybe inside out. Part of me was scared to reach out and touch him to find out everything went back to normal. We kind of cooled it some until the next trip.

AT THE CAMPGROUND 

We had the most uncooperative weather while in Big Sur, which was my first visit there. I found and rented this perfect small Airstream Trailer from an employee of my company. Marc made it clear to me that tent camping was out of the picture for him. I would have been cool with tent camping though, I like roughing it. That was okay, the trailer sounded even better. Unfortunately, or not, we got to stay inside it a lot too! There was more than enough room for both of us inside, as long as we didn’t compare it to living at home.

If you read Marc’s stories, we got to do stuff we dreamed of doing with each other for years but were big fucking cowards. I’m sure we discovered that maybe being naked together was one thing on a common bucket list too. I don’t have an answer why that was for you right now, but I found myself completely relaxed and comfortable with him when we weren’t dressed inside the trailer. And I hoped he like that about the new me. No problem there, he was Marcus the horn dog all the time! Lucky me, huh? You know, I didn’t know any of that about us before the lake trip though. I didn’t even know that I’d liked staring at a naked man’s body as much as I did. Especially Marc’s naked body. Trust me that has not changed one bit, still do today. Okay, I guess that covers getting over being naked together for you! Hah! I think we spend more time hanging around naked than we do dressed, anyway that was normal for Marc before I came over to stay with him. I hardly ever think about dressing around the house. After towel drying off from the shower, I guess I air dry for the rest of the day! Hah! Well it’s hot now and we do swim a lot every day, so why get dressed? Get hot, go dive in the pool, cool off, back to work. We actually have worked naked a few times, only because the pool called us several times in a day. That was supposed to be a rule we wouldn’t break. But since we didn’t fool around in the office, it was okay. Fortunately, we did fool around in the pool though. If we are going to be painfully truthful here, I’m going to have to tell you that, right?

I don’t want to bore you with stuff you know already. I hope I didn’t do that already for you. But there’s something that Marcus and you guys don’t know yet. I never really thought it was so important to get into it deeply with him. The ball busting, I gave him covered it rather good, but I said I’d tell you stuff you don’t know, so here goes. The journal blog was something I learned about at Big Sur. And Marcus did a good job telling you guys about how I learned about it, and why he told me. I get it, he had to tell me. Don’t think I hated him, because I didn’t, but he doesn’t know how I dealt with that knowledge.

I guess you know he told me he wanted to try his hand at writing a short story. I figured knowing my buddy as I did, that he’d be really good at it. I also figured that he didn’t tell me everything about his dream too. I think you guys know me fairly good now. You have to know that I’ve always been a horny guy, I just hid it from him. So, if you didn’t know that, know it now. I would have loved to hear the sexy stuff of the dream. Sorry Sweetbabes, we had our secrets back then.

I figured there would be something horny in his story, and from what few paragraphs he had me read on his iPad in the coffeehouse, I was sure of it. That was it and since he didn’t talk about it again, I let it slip out of my mind. Even though our friendship returned to what it once was before, Marc didn’t have anything to say about the blog yet. I understand his position, don’t worry, I’m not upset. For the first time Marc got to shout to the world about his new love, this “Larry” guy. Marcus showed me later the statistics from the first few weeks of his “Bro’s Gone Rogue” blog as it went almost viral. In one day, there were over 10,000 new readers. What a success for him, hell if I were him, I’d do the same, and don’t fuck it up! 

WRITERS BLOCK 24/7

Right under his nose 24/7

While we were relaxing together in the trailer one of the first days there, I was sensing something was troubling Marcus. I was hoping it wasn’t something I might have said or done, like farting in such an enclosed space. Of course, I know now what it was, he wanted to get back to writing something for the journal and I was under his nose 24/7. That must have driven him fucking crazy. I didn’t know anything about the journal yet; I just wanted to be with him every minute getting his attention and loving. I was hoping he wanted me 24/7 as well. 

Poor Marc, how the fuck was he going to find time to write with me around? I was in his face, and better parts of his all the time. I was so wired just thinking about what we were planning on doing for a whole week alone together. It never crossed my mind to record our activities. Seriously, all I thought about was sex and why my dick wasn’t doing something right now. 

I can bet Marcus had no idea of what his good buddy had going on in his head at all. Guys, I hid everything from him for years, I was good at that. Trust me, I was not this innocent non-needy guy, along for the ride. I was there to wear my dick out, with the man I wanted to be with, once and for all time. I was ready to “wrap my dick with a stint” if I broke it that week! (I stole the stint thing from Marcus, that really tickled me when he wrote that in his chapter.) 😂

I hope you understand me, I wasn’t a predator or crazy man with him. We finally got past all the stupid shit now, and we could find out what we really wanted from each other that week. I’ve been in this hidden love thing for years with Marc, it was amazing to find out he had deep feelings for me too. I’m not holding back anymore, whatever we needed, we gave each other.

Nepenthe table at Big Sur

Excuse me for a just bit longer, just writing about this trip got me thinking about something I’d like to share with you here. So, before I get back to me learning about the journal, I remembered the night we had this awesome and expensive dinner at Nepenthe Restaurant. He wanted to be seen as a couple, well guess what, I did too. He didn’t twist my arm into that, didn’t need to. To be someplace where no one knew him so he could show me his love was wonderful. We were treated so special there too. I don’t know why, but we’ve never felt like that anywhere else since. I got to see stuff I never saw before, and I got to see it with so much love around me. What a beautiful place to be in love. I didn’t care if anyone disapproved of our love for each other, fuck them! But that didn’t happen there, everyone seemed to love us being together. I want to go back so fucking bad!

I guess it seemed to be the right place in my chapter to tell you about that. However, I promised you the story of me learning about this journal blog. I was still concerned about Marc and I needed to get into his head and find out what was wrong. One afternoon we headed out to Highway 1 to where there were shops and a small restaurant. That’s where our iPhones got a signal once again. I called Ellen and Marc said he called Lisa too. But he was on his phone a real long time. I found out later in the week that he was uploading a draft chapter to Blogger that he finished but didn’t have pictures yet. I swear I have no idea when he had time to write that, I bet he got up when I was sleeping to finish maybe Chapter 28? 

IT WAS TIME TO TELL ME ABOUT THE BLOG

Me enjoying Marc’s chapters

He finally decided to tell me about the blog. Actually, I was happy for him, he tried his hand at writing and you guys loved it, how cool for him! Of course, without a cell signal at the campsite, he couldn’t show me the blog you guys saw, but he did have the Microsoft Word documents he had on his iPad. He asked if I’d like to read them, absolutely I would. My sweet buddy made something you guys loved, you bet your ass I wanted to read them. I was amazed at how many chapters he wrote. I think the first thing that came out of my mouth was, “I thought this was a short story?” That’s a lot of fucking chapters for a short story, I think he had almost 30 chapters written before I was aware of them. Anyway, I was going to read every one of them, I didn’t care how my dick screamed about being unused! 🤪

You know, this is harder than I thought it was going to be. I really don’t want to rewrite what he wrote about back then. It’s good stuff and I love it. My God, I was finding out so much stuff about the two of us from his mind for the first time. I mean, I knew a lot of what he wrote, but I’m not sure I knew how much he cared for me. See, that’s stupid, of course he cared for me, I cared for him too. Maybe I didn’t expect to ever read about myself in this way. Maybe that’s it, seeing myself in words for the first time was at first jarring. But then, I kinda liked it, aww he’s writing nice stuff about us or me, that was sweet of him. I never thought about writing nice stuff about us or him. What’s wrong with me, why didn’t I think about that too? I know, I never wrote stuff like that before, or even thought about it...

I started reading what I thought was going to be a short story and then give him a big hug and kiss for being such a good writer. And then we’d fuck like animals. Well I thought that, I did! And then, I wanted to read the next chapter, they weren’t that long and they kinda carried on, one after the other. But after reading several chapters, his iPad needed charging. That’s when I had to stop for a while. But now I was super horny, so we fucked like animals anyway! 🤣 I’m probably trashing all the sweet stuff Marc writes about me telling you this stuff. I’m still a nice guy, nice guys can get horny, right? 

I think I wrote once before about how I discovered he was writing about us in the first few chapters but with different first names. Please don’t think I was too stupid about that, okay. I really expected it was going to be a fictional story based on his dream. It didn’t take long for me to recognize some of the stuff he wrote though. Like that really happened with us too, and then I saw more things that really happened. Now I wanted to read what else that I might remember too. Actually, I found what he wrote to be very sexy, and I was having fun being someone else, it was like hiding in plain sight. I had no gripes yet, he made me feel hot about myself but thought he didn’t spend much time on himself like he should have.

There’s one thing maybe you don’t know yet. I thought he was just writing a book to publish one day. I had no idea this was already on the Internet with you guys reading it. That would have been a whole new ballgame. When I finally had to put down the iPad, I was a little annoyed, not at him, at the iPad for the low battery. Fortunately, when we could turn the generator on in the morning, he could get the iPad battery charged again. No question that night I was super turned on and probably gave him the best sex of his life. You try reading several of his chapters in a row and see how hard your dick gets. Pretty fucking hard, huh? 😜 Like I said, I really am I nice guy, just really horny all the time.

I don’t remember the exact moment when I made the connection between the book, I thought he was writing, was in fact stories that were already being read online. But when it did set in, I felt the blood rush from my head. I got kinda weak in the legs and was glad I was sitting down at the time. Wow, there are guys who are reading this, huh? How many guys? Now I’m glad he didn’t use my real name. Marc assured me that I was safe and there was no way people could put two and two together and find me. Whew, that felt better for a minute. Part of me thought, well maybe it’s not so bad Marcus made me look kinda good in the stories. Maybe a lot hotter than I really am. What’s the harm, so there’s this guy based upon me, that’s supposed to be bad? I think my dick started to get hard thinking about this. Or, maybe it was the fact that naked Marcus was sitting next to naked “Larry” at the time.

I didn’t understand the “Larry” name yet until he told me it was a boyhood best friend of his. Oh, I thought that was nice. And the “Marcus” name was unknown too. That’s when I first found out that was his middle name that no one knew about. I liked that name for him after reading the chapters he had on the iPad, it fit him better than his real first name. I think if I’m not mistaken, by the end of the week in Big Sur, I kinda wanted to be this “Larry” guy. He was way cooler than me I thought. See that’s the trouble with me, I didn’t have much of an opinion of myself. Marcus saw the person I was inside and wrote about him. He taught me about myself and told me stuff I hardly knew was there. Damn, now his chapters started to mean more than I thought they would.

BACK HOME AND ONLINE

There’s a lot more I could talk about that mancation 2 we had in Big Sur, CA. But maybe another time. I said I’d write about how I dealt with the journal this time. When we got back home, I couldn’t wait to get into my den close the double doors and read the blog connected to the Internet along with the pictures he chose for the stories. 

Okay, you know my dick can only get so hard before it hurts! I think it hurt for days catching up on his stories. Like this is the second time I’ve read them only now with pictures. I’d whack one off after a steamy chapter and before long my dick was back to attention again. I mean, this is fucking crazy, that me he’s writing about and me is turning me on! Like whom (okay you have to know MS Word switched my “who” with “whom”, I’ll never understand those words), gets to read about himself by his best fucking buddy in the world that way. Nobody I know, oh yeah, me! I get to do that. In between boners I’d return to remembering you guys are reading that too. I’d go from. “don’t think about me like that,” to “that was pretty fucking hot, huh?” I was not prepared to be the subject of a story so personal, and loving, and horny as they were. 

I seem to have an opportunity

I was being pulled in two directions at the time, one where I was so embarrassed, even though no one could possibly know it was me; and one where I was so proud to be thought of that way from someone, I was loving more and more every day. I do know one thing; these stories made the trip one big horny fest for us. It’s doing that right now again, thankfully I know someone here who can help me get this boner of mine under control. I’m so happy Marcus knows I’m writing my next chapter, I bet he thinks it’s going to be really sexy too. I know one thing right now this minute. If there are any more paragraphs in this chapter, they will be written after Marc takes care of my problem right now! I’m fucking serious too!

GUESS WHAT? YOU KNOW WHAT!

Okay, back to normal human again! Sorry, that was a needed break from thinking about this stuff. Surprise! I’m just a regular horny guy like most of you. Marc is too, at least we have each other to count on. I told Marc what I was writing about and how it was making me super horny. My life was changing fast from stuff I just thought about to stuff that was starting to happen between us. For Marc, he’s been writing out what he’s thought about for a long time. Maybe that mellowed him out some, me, I don’t know. I’m not mellow, well right now I am, thanks to some good buddy relief! I know once I start writing again that dick of mine is going to rise up.

Maybe the thing I’m trying to find the words for, had more to do with finding out so late about the journal. That stung some, I mean I love him so much, he had to know that. He writes like he knew that, why didn’t he let me know sooner. Yeah, I saw where he thought I might have asked him to take me out of it or shut it down. Maybe in the first 10 minutes of reading, but once my dick was stirring, that was not going to be the case. What was he thinking? I’m always horny around him after that lake trip, especially after Big Sur too. He made it possible for me to be myself around him now. He’s seen my boner more than my floppy dick, okay to be fair, I see him that way too. That happened right from the start, I guess several years of lying to each other got fixed fast! 

I’m trying to bury this feeling and I hope this chapter will do that. I love the journal, and I love that you like reading what I have to say too. I hope I didn’t fuck that up for you this time. I just want to share a part of me with you in my own words. Marcus has done an awesome job with what he knows or thinks he knows about me, but if I haven’t always shared what’s inside my head with him, he could only guess. 

Marcus is painfully honest about everything, and after I’ve been reading what he writes, I feel like I need to do the same thing. But I am not a “diva,” I feel pain and love just like everyone else, him included. I may not be a “diva”, but I tend to be “needy,” and look for validation often. So please put up with me, okay? I really am a nice guy! Horny bastard, but nice.

I’m going to let Marcus write about how our days go in his chapters, because he’s much better at that than me. I just wanted to have a heart-to-heart with you guys. Maybe I could add one more thing about Big Sur. It’s funny too. Marcus wanted to take me to the nude beach there, but the weather was against us. But I did get to see where the nude section was. It was cold and windy then so there was no temptation at all. So now it’s me wanting to take him to a nude beach a year later. Go figure! I do want to go back there though, it’s a gorgeous place to visit. Sometimes you can’t go back and relive something so awesome, but I bet we can there. I know one thing though that didn’t happen much last year, I am going to be his partner inside wherever and outside wherever. I hope everyone sees how much we love each other wherever we go or do. We only tested ourselves last year, no testing anymore. 

I don’t think I have anything more to add right now. I want to have some pictures this time, so I hope to find some for you. If I ask Marc real nice, maybe he’ll help me do that. Maybe if I ask him all naked and hard it will make him want to help even more! 😂 Didn’t I tell you I’m bad!

M. “Larry” Janssen

(Thanks to Marcus for helping me with the pictures I chose for my chapter. We were naked anyway.)   😘

Our journal continues in Chapter 71:

https://brosgonerogue.blogspot.com/2020/08/ch-71-marcus-this-time.html