LARRY'S 8th Post: Finally Good Enough

Hi guys, it’s “Larry’s” time once again!

I just read Marc’s latest chapter and it was really good, just like always. He did make a few comments about me that I’d like to talk about in my chapter this time.

MARCUS AND ME SOMETIMES
Marcus wrote something about me one morning when I was feeling I guess, very needy. I’m not sure that was something I wanted shared with you guys though. Normally I’m hardly ever that way. But that morning I really needed to connect with him, maybe I had a bad dream that I didn’t remember. Maybe I just needed comforting sex from him, but not hard-core fucking, not that day. I needed to feel him inside me, that feeling we are just one whole person. You have to know by now we really are very compatible sexually with each other. I think Marc calls it being versatile when he writes about that, whatever it’s called, I’m a huge fan. That morning, Marc was able to make everything right again for me. Maybe that’s what’s called making sweet love to each other. I never came close to feeling that way with Ellen, ever!

You know, I’m okay that he wrote about it now. I always start out wishing he wouldn’t tell you everything, and then realize he’s just telling you about his love for me. You’d think I’d be used to seeing me in print by now, especially the sex stuff. I’m still mostly conservative about that kind of stuff, I guess. I’m not a prude, just shy in public. It’s hard making big changes like this in your life though. I mean I love everything we do together so much, and yeah, the sex too. I never had sex like we have ever, and I know he hasn't either.

Marc was 100% right when he wrote that we’ve had more great sex together than ever with our wives. I know that’s true with me. That morning I found it very calming and exactly what I needed, giving myself totally to him, it was like please fix me Sweetbabes. I need you to fix whatever is wrong inside me. You’ll make me better soon. That’s kinda strange, huh? I don’t know if it works like that for him though. We are still learning a lot about each other. Needing him in me like that was like trusting a big brother to make me feel okay again. I just saw what that looks like in print, I hope you know I didn’t mean that a real-life big brother would need to stick his dick in me so I could feel better. I don’t think so! But it really worked like that for me this time. I’m just being painfully honest with you guys, again. Our wives had it right all along, we fix each other. We really fucking do!

Here's Marcus best picture yet!

Oh yeah, back to Marc’s picture of me in a tight red shirt, I have a picture of him a little like that too. Actually, I think it’s one of the hottest pictures of him I own.  I keep it in the Hidden Photos Folder of my iPhone X for just my eyes. You know it’s hard finding nasty stuff to write about him! Other than him being a blabber-mouth about what we do together. But he does make it sound hot when he writes about us. I’ll keep thinking about finding stuff before I finish my chapter though. Right now, I’m getting horny just looking at his picture on my iPad in his street clothes and feeling very forgiving. That’s the same picture I posted here for you to see. You know, right now he’s in white boxers at his desk a few feet away from me, but all I can see of him is his hairy chest that I love a lot, and then there’s this picture of him that is just fucking hot! Do you see what I have to put up with every day? Don’t you dare answer that question! I wouldn’t give up one thing that I put up with every day! No sir!

What do you think of his new HOT Italian hunky body? He keeps saying I’m gorgeous; NO, he’s the gorgeous one around here! That dress shirt certainly does show off that he worked out hard for years himself. I bet we would have been great gym spotting buddies, if we knew each other back in our 20’s.

Maybe the one thing he said about me, kinda stung though, he said my preferred shirt size when relaxing made me look like a “sack of potatoes”! That was not nice Marc! He could have said I looked like a “sack of Larry,” that would have been better! Hahah! I get it, I look like I’m hiding in the big shirts and sweatshirts I own. I don’t think I’m hiding as much as feeling comfortable wearing nothing that I have to pull and tug away from me. Did you see what I looked like in that kid-sized red shirt? Tell me I didn’t look like I belonged on a corner selling myself! I’d never wear something that tight out in public. Besides, my neck is not small, that had a choke hold on me. Well, I’ll agree to stop using those 2X shirts of Marc’s if he doesn’t make me look like a street corner hustler! I really haven’t seen a guy like that anyway, I just imagined it.

I didn’t bring a lot of clothes with me for hanging around the house. Like we don’t wear clothes a lot anyway! Hahah! I’m a worn-out jeans kinda guy. But I do have one pair that Ellen likes, a dark blue pair, that I hardly wear since it looks like I just bought it. I have one pair of Levi’s in a stone washed color, and one pair so thin, full of holes, and so washed out it’s almost white! Hahah, guess which one is my favorite? Guess which one Ellen can’t find to throw out too? Guess which one you’ll never see Marcus wearing? I bet you guessed right. Ellen says I should turn them into torch rags. Uh, uh! I hope Marc doesn’t talk like that!

I know Marc wrote that he likes sharing his clothes with me, and that’s the truth too. I didn’t bring a lot of good clothes over here, just what I need. I have zero taste in good clothes, just ask Ellen. As long as they are comfortable on, I’m cool. Marc’s closet is smaller than the one in the master bedroom full of Lisa’s stuff. But his is full of clothes he can’t wear too. It’s either, too big, too small, or the size he is now. I don’t make fun of it anymore though. I didn’t realize the battle he has faced for years over his weight control. Right now, I think he’s too thin for my taste, but that’s just me. I love his soft hairy belly, but now it not so soft anymore. I think it got a lot hairier since it shrunk! I bet he secretly loves that, the old fur lover!

Occasionally, I’ve caught him looking at himself in the bathroom mirror after he puts something on that maybe he couldn’t fit into for a long time. I can sense his joy or maybe that’s happiness that stares back at him from the mirror. You know, I don’t have that kind of problem myself; it must feel so good for him. That makes me happy for him, but I swear, if he gets any thinner, I’ll hogtie him and force feed him Vanilla Bean Milkshakes, his favorite flavor, three times a day! 

You know I’m only kidding right? Or, am I? Hahah! I spent so many years bone thin and struggled to gain weight. The only thing that changed me was putting on muscle. And that took forever! I think my love of steaks started back then too. You know, for a guy almost 54-years-old, I think I look pretty damn good, but not like a street hustler! I just wonder how old I’ll be when I get a real gut. Laugh, go ahead! I love beefy looking guys. I think I told you before, the kids that were heavy were the only ones who fought off the bullies I faced all the time growing up. 

I think I was telling you about Marc’s clothes and me getting to wear some of them before I got carried away. I fucking swear, Marcus has totally rubbed off on me! Anyway, I never felt comfortable shopping for clothes, or trying them on in those little box rooms, like you have to decide which one you want and then buy it. What if I hate it when I get it home? I’d have to go back and return it, my fucking ass I’ll go back to the store. I know you must think I’m fucking strange, huh? But you still love me, right? 😛 I’m trying to change, but it ain’t easy! Marc’s clothes closet is like going to Macy’s, it’s a fucking Men’s Store in there! And then there are colors, lots of colors to choose from. I know now that Lisa bought his clothes for him. That made me think of him so much better after knowing that, I figured he was the guy who bought them, maybe we aren’t so different after all.

Costco's Lobster Tails

I picked out a color of shorts I never saw before to wear that day he wrote about. It took me a while to find something the old me would never pick out to wear. I’m “Larry” now, not the old me, I want to know what it feels like to be a “Marcus” kind of guy. Does that make any sense to you? I think it does to me now, I like the freedom I’ve seen him have over the years. I’m the conservative one between us; maybe I’m a little tired of that now. I don’t see me becoming all liberal on him, but he’s been having way more fun than me over the years that we’ve known each other. Like what’s wrong with that picture Larry? Anyway, after dressing we did get out to shop for the wives dinner and I was right about no sample tables at Costco. That’s their loss, no samples for me, me no buy stuff I can’t taste. Simple! I did pick out four beautiful Lobster Tails for our dinner myself. My buddy got it half right, when he said he likes hanging with me in the store. I like hanging with him too. Ellen never lets me put stuff in the basket that’s not on her list. I should have my own fucking shopping cart! Marcus lets me put anything I want in the cart, so there Ellen! I’ll shop with him any day! 😜 I can’t believe I just said that!

DID I HEAR NAKED?

Oh yeah, another thing I thought to write about, that naked thing we do around the house and yard. First of all, that naked “Larry” guy is so not the old me. The old me would fucking freak out if that were the rules to live by with him. Maybe you kinda figured that out by yourself, huh? I mean, I never wanted him to see anymore of me than was absolutely necessary. I don’t understand why I was that way with him for so long, he never said anything to make me feel I should be that way. He just got the generic uptight me I gave to everyone.

I can truly laugh at the old me now, the guy with so much fear of what people thought of him. Marc would say there are a lot of inconsistencies with me. (How’s that for a big “Marcus word!) I used to wonder sometimes how I could have gone from the guy I was to this free-wheeling naked-ass guy that lets it all hang out with Marc, so easy. Well maybe it looks easy to you, it wasn’t at all. If you think being naked together most of the time is just great horny stuff, think again. Oh, we know when it’s horny time for us. Our brains are both wired the same for that! 

I think it’s kinda simple, really, I really love the dude, I really do! He wants naked time; I want naked time with him. Let’s put it another way, if he thinks bathing suits are what we need to wear around our wives or anyone else, then it’s bathing suits around. I want to be with him, not change him. I love everything about him, I don’t want him to change anything. It’s not so bad hanging around naked with him, it’s liberating for a change. 

Imaginary ring toss time with Marcus

Anyway, it’s not like we’re gawking at each other’s junk all the time! Well you sure as fuck can’t unsee them hanging around down there, Hahah. I don’t mind telling you that I get the biggest kick out of seeing Marc when he gets a boner in the pool though, all I want to do is play imaginary “ring toss” with it. I swear, it’s what I think about unless, it’s the real horny time for us. 

Marcus hasn’t written much at all about the two of us before we became his “Marcus and Larry”. Back then we were just two regular guys who got to be next door neighbors and best friends. Not much to write about us back then. It took a sexy dream of his to give him some material to write about. I know I’ve said it often, I wish I could have been a more active part of that time in the journal. I guess I was in a way, just didn’t know about it. Water under the bridge, they say.

When we were at the lake, whether on the hiking trails or in the cabin or in the row boat, we spent a lot of time being naked and I don’t know why for sure. It started without ever talking about it. I think I started it, and I bet Marcus thinks he started it. Who cares, we both started it, and neither one of us ended it. We just kept doing it and laughed a lot about it. Like we weren’t strangers, we trusted each other by that time.

My poor stomach was in constant tight knots that weekend though, we might have trusted each other, but I was so torn between turned on and scared to death of what we were up to. Remember me the conservative one here? I was so sure all this fun stuff was going to screw up our normal friendship back home. What if we are afraid to even look at each other again?

Marcus was the strong one there, he got me to really live for the limited time we had together. It was so much fucking fun to be like that for a couple of days, and so cool that I could just forget my fears too. I never felt so free in my whole life to be the someone I never allowed myself to be. You know that weekend we found out there was nothing worth hiding from each other anymore. Man, that took a long time for us to get there.

Anyhow, getting naked around here, is still about not hiding anything from each other. I hope you don’t think being naked around each other all the time now means we don’t get turned on by that anymore. Oh, we get turned on easily, two horn dogs like us, we’re always horny for each other. That is so not what we both had with our wives though. Like Marc said, our dicks owe us thank you cards! I can’t even get back into the idea of the old me anymore; a lot of things would have to change big time if we decided to go back to living with our wives again. You can take that to the bank and cash it! I think I stole that saying from Marcus.

Speaking of dicks, I was, right? Marc wrote something about all the ways he loves my dick and what he loves to do with it. You know, we were just farting around with each other using some horny talk between us, I said to him, “What about loving my balls, I have great balls too, you got a problem with my balls?” Like I said, just fucking around with silly talk, it’s what we do most of the time if you got to spend some time with us. It’s fun living with a buddy like him. Even if he writes stuff about us that makes us look like middle-aged goofballs. 

UPDATE ON JOE 

Joe doesn't seem to mind showing it off

I figured you are waiting for that really cool story about me and Joe, or with Marc too. Well you’ll need to wait a little longer if that day ever comes. One thing I know for sure, Joe is very professional, it’s going to take some dirty work on our part to change that about him. I don’t want to be that guy though. I found out a lot about myself in the few times we’ve met at the pool. I found out that he never made me feel like I was being gawked at at all, and I didn’t mind being seen naked without Marcus near by.

Joe’s a really cool guy, I like him a lot and I got to talk to him about his kids and stuff he was interested in. It was fun asking him questions and then listening to his responses. I learned that from Marc, the pro at this around here. I did see him squat in front of me once while I was in the pool, and like Marcus, I saw his junk too. Marc thinks it’s something he’s not aware of, I think he know exactly what he’s doing. The one thing I took away from it, I got to see my first uncut dick ever, and pretty close up too. Now I’m wondering if that small round hole in his dick stretches to get his dick head free with a boner, and will it hurt like hell. All I know is cut dicks, like Marc’s and mine. I wonder if I saw too much, because now I have all these fucking questions banging around in my head and I’m afraid I’ll never know the answers. As sure as shit, I will never ask Joe about that though. That would be too weird for me, but I really want to ask. Like how do you ask a guy about his little dick hole?

You must think I have lived under a rock my whole life, but I’m going to tell you the truth the best I can, because that’s Marc’s rule here in the journal. I do want to talk to Marc about what I saw with Joe and my questions. Now don’t worry, I can talk to Marc about anything without getting embarrassed. It was like maybe I shouldn’t have seen that, but I really wanted to since Marc said he was uncut. I’ve seen pictures, I’m not that naïve, you know. But the idea I could see a real uncut one has been in my mind since I read what Marc wrote about it. I have so much to learn that never meant much before to me. 

Will there be a time that Joe gets naked with us in the pool? Maybe, if there is enough time in his work day. I think he lets us see him to let us know he’s really okay with us being naked in the pool when he’s there. Maybe Joe’s a horny guy too, and wishes he could be a free-bird like us. I don’t know. But like Marc says, “it’s his pool, and naked rules here!” That’s what I think, and I hardly know anything! Hahah! I guess you’ll have to wait for the “Joe Story” another day. I think Joe likes to talk to me as much as Marc, it feels good that I fit in. The scary part will be if he thinks it will be okay to mess around with us if he got naked with us in the pool. Remember, Mr. Conservative here!

THE OH YEAH SHIT

Yeah, the story from Marcis with our wives in the pool and that kiss I had with Ellen he had to tell you about. I guess, I’m not going to get away without letting you know what happened that night. I’ll do my best for you. It’s a good thing our wives will never see his blog, they better not!

First of all, Marc was right about getting some of this stuff out in the open, as scary as that is, it went very well with them. No screaming, no hitting, you know pretty calm, maybe too calm. I expected worse. We had a great dinner and I did the best job yet grilling the lobsters, I was a little afraid of overcooking them, nope, I did good. I made butter with fresh squeezed lemon too. Even put a little chopped parsley in the butter. You know, I know my way around the kitchen! “I’m cute and talented!” 😂 (That comment was for Marcus! Actually, Ellen is the one who thinks Marc is cute, she thinks I’m too hairy. I can’t win sometimes.)

The four of us talked together about the remodel and how it was going for them, and they gave us little back to deal with, telling us we’ll have to wait for the reveal. Between you and me, and I’m sorry to say, I don’t really give a shit anymore about their remodel! I don’t want to ever leave here and Marcus. I’m tempted to say it’s more fun here, and it is, but Marc gives me what I need to be whole, I was missing that piece.

Marc and I thought we were going to eat out on the patio, but decided the air was bad enough outside to eat in the dining room instead. That didn’t stop us from swimming later though. Actually, the air wasn’t that bad at that point in the night. The smoke was up high in the sky, not low to the ground as it is sometimes lately. Enough on the weather report, huh?

When we entertain our wives, yes, we do that sometimes, the pool is usually going to be used. Ellen and Lisa act like real guests when they are here, they hit the pool before us. The hell with the clean-up, the men will do it later. Oh well, maybe when we go over there we’ll sit on our ass and watch them work. I say that, but we won’t, we always help with clean up. 

The other thing that never changed from Marc’s birthday party last year, everybody is bare-assed in the pool now. I haven’t seen a bathing suit on them in a long time, that’s money in the pocket the stores don’t get. Somehow the wives are always undressed and, in the pool, before we know it. I think they like watching us strip to join them. I really do! I cannot explain my new behavior to you because I don’t understand it myself. I have no idea where the guts came from, (I do too, he's right close by me), but I don’t mind getting naked in front of Lisa now at all. Maybe it’s because Marc said she kinda likes my furry body? Maybe to be a show off that I never was before? Do you think it’s for Marc? Maybe I’m doing it for him. I’ll let him figure that one out for himself, I’m diving into the pool before him. 

There’s been a big change in behavior for the four of us while in the pool this past Summer; like it’s all polite and the fun is kinda gone now. In a way, it’s like we’re afraid to be ourselves around them, it’s nothing like when it’s just Marc and me. We all swam a few laps, girls together and then us. I let Marc look good in the lap swimming. He thinks my big arms and shoulders weren’t meant for swimming. Maybe he’s right, I seem to work harder on the laps, but I don’t tire out as easily as him. After a while, Marc told me it was time to talk separately with the wives. I think the whole idea was making my dick shrivel up, the poor thing. I know Marc would remind me about the “grower” thing we share if he saw it! Hahah! No thanks pal, I don’t need anymore hang ups!

THE SCARY PART NOW

This next part is going to be super hard for me to write about, so be kind if I fuck up somehow telling you about it. All I have in my head now is Marc reminding me don’t lie, massage the truth if I have to, but don’t fucking lie to her. It’s all I can hear. I had to tell my brain to shut the fuck up, I’ve got this. Yeah right, if I had this, my dick would look way different right now, that’s for fucking sure! (I actually approved and picked out this picture of me and my shrinking dick in the pool to use here. See Marc, it’s okay to show the guys one of the things our dicks can do well!)

I looked down and could see my dick again!

I decided to start with something easy, just ask Ellen for a firm date when the remodel would be done. But then I thought too late, I don’t want to know that! What if it’s almost done. Shit! Well, she couldn’t give me an answer, since they keep finding stuff to do, they didn’t plan on. Awesome, I got past that first hurdle easily. I looked down at myself and could actually see some of my dick again. Please laugh with me okay, this is hard, no, my dick is not hard! I asked her how she liked having her best friend living with her. She just said they were much better than best friends now, they were great partners getting stuff done together. Well that could be taken in more than one way. I looked down and saw my dick changing once again, crap! I point blank asked her. “Do you love her like I love Marcus?” She looked at me for a long minute, seemed like an hour, and said, “If you love Marcus as I think you do, then yes. I have for a long time now.” I think my dick wanted to know the answer to my next question, “Do you have sex with her?” “Larry, (of course she used my real name instead), Lisa and I have been intimate for years.” This is where Marc might have heard me say louder in the pool, “Really?!” Well it was the first polite word I thought about using. If that were Marc telling me it would have been, “No fucking shit!” ‘Really’ was much better word to use thinking about it now. It’s out there now so I had to ask her, “For years, how many?” “A lot sweetie, she was there for me when you weren’t.” I told her I didn’t understand that comment at all, when was I not there? I rarely leave on business. Man, I’m kinda stupid I guess, she wasn’t talking about me being gone for real, it was about the sex. 

Like I told you above, this is hard for me to write, but I don’t want to make mistakes with Marc, I need to listen and learn. Maybe this is where I said, “Really” in the pool, I don’t remember exactly. She said she hardly ever came when we had sex, how can I believe that, she always said she did when I asked her. Maybe I shouldn’t need to ask that of her, I don’t ask Marc if he did. I rarely see him cum, I guess he could fake it with me. I don’t know, I don’t with him. She fucking faked it with me, why is it only my fault. Maybe if she were honest with me, I’d do better next time. She really cut me with the next thing she added, she couldn’t wait for it to end each time. Like she was only a place for me to put my cock in. I wanted to fucking cry or scream, “That’s not me.”  I thought I was doing fairly good for a middle-aged guy. I love sex. I thought she did too. I don’t understand my next move at all, male pride, I don’t know. I just kissed her, nothing really passionate, but not a peck like Marc talks about. Maybe I wanted to see if she was telling the truth or if I could change her story about me. I mean that cut me, can’t wait for it to be over! Fucking really?! That kiss, nothing! If it was with Marc, we’d be fixing where our dicks were pointing, really!

I told you this is hard; I hope writing about this stuff will make me a better lover. Now I don’t know if I ever was. What if Marc is just being nice and faking it with me too? That’s kinda hard for a guy to do I guess anyway. This is so fucking confusing, am I just a dick with a guy attached? I really love having sex with Marc, I really love him having sex with me. I’m sure if he left me hanging, I’d let him know. Why didn’t she tell me, like I’m not a 30 second guy, I can last for a while. What was I doing wrong, let me know I’ll try something else. I might be a little shy out in public, but I love sex in private. I don’t think I’m shy in bed at all! I think my head is hurting right now writing this part about me for you. I’m sorry.

After that head bombing part, she told me they knew Marc and I were lovers now. I asked how in the world would they know that for fact. She said perhaps it’s Women’s Intuition, but the way we look at each other is the biggest giveaway. She said my personality had changed drastically and there was only one possible solution. Besides, she knew I was always a horny guy, that poor Marcus didn’t have a chance living with me. Well she got that half right. Be proud of me guys, I didn’t out my buddy at all. They think he never gets horny! I guess that’s what Lisa thinks. Oh, it’s a good thing I love him so much, if they only knew what a horn dog he really is! Hahah! That’s my secret now. I’m probably going to tell Marc later though. I’ll be laughing every time I see his boner poking at me now. He’ll get the wrong idea. This is really tickling me thinking about it. I didn’t even laugh or giggle when Ellen said that too. I’m so proud of myself! What a good buddy I am! You know, that comment of hers about me and Marc got me out of the bad mood I was getting into with her.

I’m the good buddy here, the horny one of the two of us, and she knows I have a sex life with him. I bet she thinks it’s as boring a sex life as we had. I hope she thinks so, I’m in no hurry to change their opinion. Besides, it’s fun that they think I’m the super-stud around him. You’ve got to know by now we’ve pretty equal that way. 

The last bit of information I got from her in the pool, had to do with their Santa Barbara “business trip.” It was their “special time together.” I now know exactly what Marc means about making up lies. It gonna come out sooner or later. You know I’m okay with their “special” trip. They helped us on our trips, probably to get rid of us for a while! Probably true too! 

Ellen said that they don’t want to change anything between the four of us right now, that we are all happy the way things are and let’s just see where this goes. I know where I want this to go, and you guys know, too! And I can’t wait, remember I’m supposed to be the super-stud here. 😛

I guess this is a good spot to tell you how much I loved that last picture Marc used about this meeting. It showed us headed to the backyard after we walked our wives to the gate. If you saw the picture, I was not flashing him on purpose, well my towel was open, I guess. It was wet and I was trying to air dry myself. I actually took off the towel and tossed it over my shoulder headed inside. I can’t stand being in a wet towel. I don’t know how he can stand it himself. But I thought the picture was really sexy anyway. Maybe the guy he used for me could have been a little beefier though. I did work hard getting to look the way I am you know. I know what you’re thinking, I’d only complain that it made me look like a hustler again! Hahah! I know how hard it is to find guys that look a lot like me. There are a couple guys so close to me that I might as well have been in the photo myself! My all over blonde hair is the hard thing to find for him. But Marc has a lot of twins out there to choose from. Anyway Marc, it’s still a great picture using your real side yard too. We need to hire a photographer to follow us around, that’ll save a lot of time getting the chapters finished and posted! 😜

JOÃO FROM PORTUGAL SUGGESTED 

I wrote about Lisa’s Private Garden and how much I loved her spot. I’ve gone out there early in the morning a couple of times since I wrote that for my chapter. That was before all the fucking smoke from the fires though. I thought I’d catch the breaking sun come up but the East facing wall blocked it from view, but I did see the sky light up. None of that stuff meant much to me before living with Marc though. It just meant I was up and in the shower getting ready for the commute to work in Elk Grove, south of Sacramento.

Anyway, my young buddy from Portugal, João had a suggestion for me to try out in the garden. I’ll post his words below and tell you about how I reacted. You know since I’m living with Marc right now, there’s a lot of time that we can be alone for a while if we want to do that. We do, it gives us time to write in the journal. It makes together time even better. Yeah, it does! It makes me miss him some, but I know he right in another room or in the pool, or someplace within earshot. You must think I’m a clinging nutcase, huh? I’m not, I just love being with him, okay that does sound like a clinging nutcase. 

This is what João put in a letter to me recently. I took out personal words meant just for me. I chose to do it one morning while Marc was sawing logs kinda loud! I’ll tell you what I felt after what he asked me to try.

[I would like you to make an experiment for me. I would like to ask you to go to Lisa's hidden garden.]

[Sit there for a bit... try to soak everything you can... then, close your eyes for as long as you think it is good for you... breathe deep breaths, slowly and gently... breathe with your belly and not with your chest... relax your shoulders...use the diaphragm muscle in your belly to expand it and contract it...]

[Try not to overthink it, just let the moment flow... And when you feel the time is right, open your eyes and try to look at the garden again...] 

[I want you to tell me if the way you look at it is different from before and if you felt something while your eyes were closed. I want to know if you noticed something that you didn't before closing your eyes.] 

It was a warm early morning from those high temperature days we had, so I was out there right from bed, well after I took a piss. I put a bath towel on the lounge chair; that chair belongs to Lisa, I’m sure she’d like my naked ass off of it! I positioned the lounge chair directly in front of the view I wanted to see, not on the angle she places it. I’ll put it back later the way it was.

João said to soak everything in, well that’s mostly plants, flowers, and a small fountain which I turned on again. It makes a calming sound, but also makes me want to pee really bad, so that’s why I took a piss first. I know that much about what my body needs! I also know it’s one reason I’m out of bed early anyway. I bet most of you reading this our age know the same feeling. How the fuck did I sleep until noon as a teenager, before I needed to pee?

Meditating in Lisa's Garden Room

I guess I’m ready to start now, so I closed my eyes as he said, but I don’t want to go back to sleep out there. When I had my eyes closed, I started to think about writing about this in my next chapter. I don’t think that’s what he wanted me to do, so I did the next thing he asked. I was to breathe deeply slow and easy, and not from my chest, use my belly. I had my iPhone out reading what to do, hahah, I didn’t want to miss a step. I continued with his instructions. I’m not sure I know how to breathe with my diaphragm, so I winged that one. I think it made my dick flop up and down, I’m gonna have to ask him if I did that right. Of course, he’ll need to get naked to find out! I’m only kidding, he can keep his underwear on. Oh yeah, I relaxed my shoulders, at least I think I did. I think I forgot to leave my eyes closed or how would I know my dick danced for a while. But I did close them again.

I’m not sure if everything that was supposed to happen did or not. I kept thinking about Marc sleeping and I’m out here experimenting with something. I wanted to go back to bed before he woke up, but I worked really hard to get that out of my mind. I thought about how nice the flowers were looking that morning. I tried to only think about that instead of horny old Marc. That is not easy to do if you are me!

I followed João’s instructions the best I could and tried to see if I found something I didn’t see before. I did I find the Taro plant had a small flower I didn’t notice before so I’m putting it in here. I looked around to see what I should see and kinda gave up, one flower could have just popped up since the last time in here. What was I supposed to see or feel. I know what my dick is feeling, what a needy appendage I have. Blame Marcus, he makes me all horny all the time, it’s his fault, I can’t help he’s so fucking hot! (For an old guy! Ha hah! Oh, I’m just ballbusting him again, he expects it.)

Anyway, it was still early, and the sun was higher now and there was kind of a glow above the room. I was still a little tired and I closed my eyes again, maybe longer this time. I didn’t fall asleep, I’m quite sure, but when I opened my eyes again, I felt different than the first time. I was very calm and didn’t see the room like before, it was peaceful and quiet, I could hear the sounds of nature outside the room. I didn’t see the pink colors, I mean we didn’t paint the place, I didn’t see the flowers this time, my head was someplace else. I don’t where, not here. Maybe I was out at the Big Sur rocky beach we visited, I could smell the sea air and there was a slight breeze too. And then my mind went directly to something I hear often now. “We fix each other,” even I’ve said it like an echo from Marcus or the wives. Now I’m thinking, what does that really mean?

You know guys, my whole life has been, "Not good enough!" As a kid, too skinny and hairy, "Not good enough!" I worked out for years, took too long, "Not good enough!" The stupid years, the hard drugs and alcohol that were, "Not good enough!" All those years hiding my true feelings from my best friend in the fucking world, "Not good enough!" And now, my wife faking it on me, "Not good enough!" I'm so fucking tired of, "Not good enough!" I needed fixing and didn't know how to do that!

My dear wonderful Marcus, came into my life to help fix me. He made me "Good enough!" I'm finally good enough! I visualized my Head Stone just now, it read: "Here lies my dear friend Larry Janssen, he was more than good enough!" I really did imagine that!

I'm good enough, I'm fucking good enough! I can do what I set my mind to do and right now I know what Mr. Good Enough wants to do. Maybe I found something important to know about myself with Joao's idea. Maybe that has been staring me in the face for a long time now. Maybe next time I come in Lisa's Garden Room to meditate, I'll understand how I can fix Marcus so he'll feel Good Enough too. Maybe I already know what to fix, it's just how to fix it.

It was Lisa’s special place once again as I left. I really respected her room; I didn’t even leave any footprints as I left for our bedroom to be back in bed with my hunky sweetheart. He going to wake up the way he likes me to do sometimes. I had no problem making that happen for him that morning. There will never be faking with me.

Well, Joao what do you think? Did I screw it up or did it turn out like you thought, I don’t know what you expected. I guess if I did, maybe I’d over think it huh? Was this some kind of Yoga Spiritual kind of thing for me? Don’t leave me hanging on this, okay? 

TIME TO CAP IT OFF 

I guess I’ve been rambling all over the fucking place in this chapter, I’m sorry if it annoyed you. I have been Marc’s biggest fan of his art work, he should just make art all the time! Anyway, I asked him if there was an photo/art app for my iPad I could get so I could try doing some photo stuff too. He said if I got the same one, he uses, ‘Procreate for the iPad’, he could teach me how to use it. Well, okay, but if I have to read a whole fucking manual to learn it, I won’t like it. He actually told me to stop that kind of bullshit talk! The nerve of him, hahah! He’s right if I want to change, maybe I should shut the fuck up and listen sometimes. Well, I actually can do some stuff now, just with pictures though. I’m not an artist like him. I can put a different guys head on one of my own photos and you can’t tell that I did that! I’m so fucking proud of that! Well, Marc showed me how, he’s a good teacher. Now I know exactly how he hides some stuff he doesn’t want out there yet. By the way, I did all the pictures in this chapter myself. What do you think? Pretty damn good, if I have to say so myself! (You know Marc’s not the only “I need the love” guy living here!) 😜

I hope those of you following Marc and me, like how it’s going so far with us, I do!

Thanks for reading my chapter again.

Larry

Our journal continues with Larry’s ninth Chapter:

https://brosgonerogue.blogspot.com/2020/09/larrys-9th-its-about-time-you-know-this.html