CH 85: Larry is having a meltdown

 Hey guys, it’s Marcus picking up the reins once more.

I’d like to say everything has been operating without a hitch, absolute awesomeness personified or however you interpret working perfectly but it’s not that way right now. There I said it and now I must write about it and not leave you wondering what’s going on dudes!

I could cop out and say, I don’t know where to start, but I do and I’m not happy to bring any of this up. So, here goes. It’s about Larry, about Pops, and thankfully not about me this time, other than I care very much. Let’s start with my Pops because I’ll want to spend more time talking about my sweetheart at the end. Pops is okay physically, however, his lady friend that he’s living with is not. She indeed was exposed to Covid even with her shots she’s having a difficult time recovering. So much so, that her daughter arrived to pack her mom up and bring her back home to watch over her recovery. That’s so sweet in my book, at Sarah’s advanced age who knows how and when she’ll recover. I believe Pops could have done an excellent job in my book, perhaps her daughter didn’t trust him or just wanted to be the one to help her back to wellness again. 

Sarah’s daughter had whisked her mom off to Charlotte, North Carolina to recover leaving my Pops all alone in San Jose del Cabo, Mexico, sweltering in the worst humid part of their year. And who knows at this time, did he get infected himself. He says he doesn’t think so, at least nothing like she has come down with, but I’m concerned about him, he is 82 years old, and I’d like to see him make it to at least 100! The heat here is bad enough, at least we don’t have the humidity that is outrageous down there. I want him out of there now. I am aware that he sold his condo to move to Mexico and join up with a very old dear friend and widow of his best friend Harvey who he’s known for practically his whole adult life. I understand completely, however there should be a change in plans at least for a short spell.

I guess you’ve figured out that we offered our home to Pops during the interim and oppressive heat, even though we have had our own heat to deal with. I’ll get to that conversation and how my babe has dealt with the offer. So please understand anything I’m discussing with you here has already been covered with Larry, he’s not being blind-sided whatsoever. I’ll get to our conversations in a bit, but I thought maybe you would like to know what went through my head in the process. So, as if you don’t already know, our place is not small, and we are not ‘bedroom challenged.’ Although, we are doing an excellent job of reconverting them to other uses. We have two master bedrooms, with our office comprising the slightly smaller one. However, at the current time, the only thing that looks like a bedroom in our office is my tall dresser drawer standing next to the walk-in closet. Yes, to those of you in the know about us, there are still many of our clothes in there yet, but we did move some back to our bedroom recently.

Now on to the balance of bedrooms here, the third has been turned into a workout room with all of Larry’s equipment. It’s a lot smaller looking room today, I promised myself we’d start mirroring the walls to give us an illusion of space. Well, I know Larry would love checking out his progress in the mirrors, and yes, he does work out a few days a week. Especially after he gained a middle which wasn’t there before he moved in with me. Don’t blame me for that, okay? Snacking in front of the TV late at night had a big part in that. Thankfully for the both of us, that’s history.

The fourth bedroom was turned into a library before I moved here, plus it’s an interior room which made it a perfect Movie Room, no challenging window light to cover. So that leaves us the bedroom Lisa decided to give to Mark when he came to stay here. It’s a nice room, private outside access and close to one of the many bathrooms in the house. Close enough that we could do a little reconfiguring and turn it into another master bedroom. We could, just haven’t thought about doing it. I don’t know what Lisa was thinking about giving him a room of his own, when in all reality she must have known where he’d be laying his head. However, it did give him some dignity and a chance not to discuss the sleeping arrangements. There’s one more almost bedroom in the house, no closet so it made a good den, just one more room I’ve closed off long ago. In fact many of the above-mentioned rooms have been closed off to us, less to clean and care for. Although, somehow dust finds its way in those rooms as if they were open to us.

Well that ought to give you a good picture of some of our living spaces in the house. The one I’m thinking about right now is the one Lisa gave to Larry to use. Of course he hasn’t spent one night in there yet, but he has used the room when he needs some space from me or whatever is going through his head at times. Probably me most of the time though. I can be a pain in the ass sometimes, but don’t tell him that okay! 😂 Larry you did not read that! Haha.

As I’m thinking about it now that I’m writing, we could easily change the access doors to the bathroom and turn it into a master suite without much difficulty. That’ll be right up old Larry’s fun to do projects around here. However, that’s something the two of us haven’t discussed just yet. His guest room has a king-sized bed already in the room and a couple of wing-backed chairs near the French doors leading to a small patio. This would be perfect for my Pops to use with or without the attached bathroom. That bedroom is on the opposite side of the house from our master bedroom. It would give him plenty of privacy from us, and of course vice versa. 

OBVIOUSLY, THINGS WILL NEED TO CHANGE IF POPS IS HERE

I already know what’s going through your heads if we get Pops up here. So, let’s talk about it. Personal privacy, out the window! Random nakedness, out the window! Let alone not knowing what it will be like living with a parent-aged man in the house with us. Will annoyance on either side become a problem? Will he find our joyful messing around with each other a problem? What if Pops starts to annoy Larry with his kind of sexy playfulness that Larry has written about a few times. Maybe not annoyance as much as embarrassment for my poor guy. 

I promised you, myself, and Larry that once he started writing chapters on his own, I’d stop talking for him. And I’ve been very good about doing that. However, this time I’ll break with that, and you’ll know why soon enough. I love both of these dudes deeply, and I care more about them than myself. I want everyone to be happy and live in peace and harmony here. So there will need to be rules to guide us, perhaps for us more than Pops. If anything Pops will probably take on a gentle parental role here and Larry will gobble it up. My sweet guy never had a father to look up to and I know how he feels about Pops; if there is any give and take, we’ll be on the giving side. Pops will have all the room he’ll ever need and get two loving sons to deal with. Not such a bad deal for him or us huh.

I can pretty much guarantee that naked morning coffee making, or naked cooking will be just a fond memory around here once Pops shows up. I can’t even imagine seeing Pops doing that with us, no way! Although maybe, says the ‘incurable optimist’ in me, there’s always happenstance if the right opportunity arises. (Haha, you must know Larry would see the inherent joke in that immediately.) I’ve had the opportunity to work from home for a very long time and had many hours alone daily. You can bet your ass I’ve spent most of that time bare-ass naked. Why not, I’d be in and out of the pool often every day, besides it’s a very private yard. Once Larry was aware of that ‘joy’ it didn’t take him long to adopt my way of life around here. And now that could change big time, at least for a while.

I absolutely love the freedom of not being concerned about my nakedness when it’s with my best friend, lover, and husband to be; how could I not? And then my mind wanders off to the never-land of seeing our adopted Pops naked with us, and immediately attempts to lock the door to that part of my consciousness. However, Mr. Optimist remembers what happened with Ryan, Larry’s son recently at our pool. If you have read the chapter you know what I’m talking about. Swimming here is naked, even with our wives after one of my sexy birthdays Larry threw for me. When Ryan was here, we didn’t change that rule and he just joined us and probably had the best time of his life doing it too. Who’s to say what Pops might want to do if he was given our pool rules to follow. Or he can just stay inside if we are naked and he doesn’t want to join us, we can’t give up everything, right!

Perhaps some of you that have been following us remember the chapter when I was gifted an old photo album from Pops with a lot of naked people from the sixties and seventies. Featuring toddler-me, my parents, and my Pops and his wife, along with many of my dad’s band members, if not all of them. Perhaps it was the cheap wine and ‘righteous weed’ they were all into or that ‘flower-power’ found in San Francisco that freed them up. I was there, but only two or three-years old, however, from the pictures of me, I don’t think I missed any of the fun.

You should know that we found pictures of my Pops in the buff in the album, too. He didn’t point them specifically out to us, but he did point out one shirtless photo that he claimed was him. Larry and I searched through all the naked people trying to identify whomever we could. It was easy finding Pops, his shoulder-long curly hair and his hairy chest were the best identifiers we had. That good looking twenty-something-year old man found himself in front of the camera often. Apparently, Pops had no problem being naked, nor did my parents and they all smiled for the camera, too. 

Now that I’m writing about this time, it’s bringing back memories of my youth and the end of my known family life. We had so many trips to the nude beaches along the California coast, near Santa Cruz, CA that my parents brought us to when they were off their road trips. My parents owned a mountain home at the summit of the Santa Cruz mountains where it was often used for clothes optional pool parties and live music events. If you consider those many nude beach trips and the above parties, you might guess why I trend naked most of the time, I come by it naturally. I always thought our last family home was where ‘Mother Nature went to live’ because she could.

Larry has written a few times about how Pops gets a little fresh with him on FaceTime, who knows what goes through an octogenarian’s head sometimes. I really think Pops tries to get Larry embarrassed because he can. Although, my money’s on Larry giving it right back to him one day. Sometimes I have a tough time believing that my Pops would try stuff like that with Larry; not that I don’t believe Larry, it’s so out of character for Pops. Well Pops had a separate set of circumstances with me, especially as mentor and boss. Perhaps with Larry he can finally be as free as he might want to be. If anything I bet messing with Larry’s head might be him reliving a very colorful youth in San Francisco. However, not so much with me though  but who knows, one day it could all change if he stays with us for any length of time.

JUST A LITTLE MORE BACKGROUND FIRST

First of all, I did expect to have many conversations about the pros and cons of inviting him to stay with us during the ‘humid hell-months’ in Mexico, especially now without his lady friend Sarah at his side. Personally, I wondered why he didn’t just follow her to North Carolina, even if it meant renting a room or staying in a hotel. It was harder than that, Sarah’s daughter is not a huge fan of her mother’s old friend living with her. I’m not even going to discuss the ‘religious’ thing that came through big time! You can’t expect people to change on the fly when they have held ‘religious opinions’ for their whole adult life. Enough said about that, just know I’m not on her daughter’s side. I barely remember Sarah, if at all. I think I remember some of the band members that liked me when I was so young. Pops managed my dad’s band and/or was the keeper of the money. I never really got into all of the business trappings for some reason. One day when I’m feeling really nostalgic perhaps I’ll try to write something about those days. Unfortunately, it may end up more nostalgia and fiction than fact. There are many sad and many painful memories I dealt with that I care not to relive. And the anger, it was intense, and it’s kept me at bay from those years most of my life. But Pops looked over me with his wife until she died years ago. Don’t take that I lived with them, I was 17 going on 47 at the time, at least in my headstrong mind. 

I joined the Military at eighteen and got married at twenty, I think it was twenty or twenty-one. At the end of my term in the service I entered a university as a freshman, perhaps a tad older than many of the fresh out of high school young guys there but I did meet up with guys like myself fresh out of the military and using the benefits to educate themselves. Being married and adding children to the family just happened, not planned. That wasn’t easy but I held a job and attended the university up to earning my MFA in art education before going off to teach high school. Unfortunately, the only job I found was in Pennsylvania not in California and that’s another whole story that’s not fit for this journal, you can trust me on that. Suffice to say, after so many years of low income and then paycheck-to-paycheck living, in house fighting foreshadowed the end of my first marriage. My family stayed in Pennsylvania, as I traveled back to California to stay close by Pops and Virginia, who liked to be called Ginny. That was short-lived because I was back at the University once again for my second Masters, an MBA that Pops enticed me to earn. To wrap this up, let’s just say I have had a plethora of crap to deal with over the years and long before this journal covers. 

There’s one more thing I should finally address since Larry has agreed to include his son Ryan into our journal for discussion. My own family includes two adult children, both of which still live in Pennsylvania where they have set down roots. It may appear from what little I’ve written about them that there were more than miles keeping us apart. Both of my kids have visited me in this house a couple of times in the past, but there was a problem that kept coming up. They couldn’t get along with Lisa, or perhaps Lisa couldn’t get along with them. There’s certainly a storyline there that might come up one day. Before I dump all the burden onto Lisa’s back, I shouldn’t forget how my first marriage ended and how close my children are to their mom. Lisa is a driven woman, polar opposite from their mother, and a little hard to get the warmth they might have liked from a stepmom. Personally, I believe my kids biggest gripe has to do with why we didn’t try to solve our marital problems and stay together as a family.

So, it may appear that I turned my back on my wife and family, after all I fled to California when it ended. However, I always took care of my responsibilities with them and that covered a very long time since my kids were young. I had more opportunities to get ahead if I left Pennsylvania and I had my Pops encouraging me to come stay with them. Will my kids be a part of my life again, much like Ryan has done with his father? I don’t know for sure; Ryan is Ryan and can’t be compared to my son or daughter at least I don’t think so for now.

WHERE IS LARRY’S HEAD ON THIS

If I were you dear reader, I’d be wondering about Larry right now and how he’s feeling about this idea. I could just let you wait until he decides to ‘pick up the pen’ once more, or I could ask him if it would be okay if I wrote for him as well. Considering the domestic upheaval that he is going through right now; (we’ll get to that soon enough) he had no problem with me covering it with you.

He did suggest though, that we call or FaceTime him together this time, and soon. We have both written in the past that we individually FaceTime Pops often but rarely together and this was certainly a together time if there ever was one. The call was going to happen later in the afternoon after we got some chores done first. The afternoon heat in both locales could mean everyone should be inside cooling off and available.

I got busy with the house cleaning that was my responsibility for the day and Larry was off to his weight room to workout. I bet he has spent more time working out in this house than he ever did in his garage workout area for years. I’m not always invited in for a dual workout though and I don’t blame him because he’d be instructing and/or guiding me to be sure I didn’t hurt myself. So, his workout was his ‘chore’ that morning. (I’m not getting on his case, he works harder than me around here, he wasn’t slacking off.)

Around lunch time, Larry joined me in the kitchen to see what kind of ‘good eats’ I was preparing for us, and I do remember telling him a shower might be in order since he worked up quite a sweat.  He said, “Ya right, gonna happen but later, I’m starving right now. Whatcha make for us?” I just made sandwiches, but for the life of me, I can’t remember exactly what; probably roasted turkey breast. However I do remember that only one out of the stack I made was headed to my plate, the rest were for him. Remember, he’s the poor starving guy who can eat several sandwiches and still get away with it!

Truthfully, I wasn’t the least bit put-off by the flushed reddish look of his worked-out body at all, especially how his body fur gets extremely curly when sweaty. It’s only been since he’s been living with me that I’ve ever seen him that way. He looks so fucking impressive after a great workout; I keep putting myself down for not putting more effort into my own workouts. I just know it would take me years to achieve anything closely remote to him. At least since we both shower every morning, he still had that almost fresh scent, or is it that I adore the scent of my babe, period.

After we finished eating the first thing that came out of his mouth wasn’t, “thanks for lunch,” it was let’s FaceTime Pops right now! There was this urgency in his request that closely resembled the urgency I feel during the night when my pee wants out of me really bad! He also suggested that we should use one of our iPads so the screen will be large enough for both of us to be seen together.

And so we did. I had my iPad close by and we used it for our joint call. It wasn’t that much time later from the last FaceTime call so, we did catch him at home, but unfortunately not feeling much better at all. To be clear he wasn’t ill, more than likely emotionally drained and feeling a little trapped inside with no place to go, or better yet, no desire to go anywhere in the oppressive heat and humidity.

However, he did perk up some once he knew it was me on the call with him. I informed him that Larry was in the room with me and desired to talk to him as well. That brought a nice smile on his face once again. I know he really likes Larry or really Mark as he knows him better. I asked Larry to get into the picture frame with me which he did without haste. He said, “Hi Pops, I’m so sorry to hear about Sarah and her leaving you all alone down there.” Pops acknowledged Larry with a “Thank you son.” I know that will be the topic of discussion upon ending the call for sure. Man if that doesn’t perk up my babe, I don’t know what will.

Larry just said, “Pops we both want you up here with us, like today! Do you know how to get tickets for a flight, or do you want us to do it for you?” Pops just laughed and said, “That’s not a problem son, I have more than enough years of practice doing that.” However, he did ask both of us, “Do you both really want me up there with you, you know I don’t have a place up there anymore.” Larry didn’t wait for me at all and told him he always has a room here with us and for as long as he wants. 

Larry then looked directly at me, shook his head no a bit and whispered we’ll talk afterwards. Well, that didn’t take long to get Pops voice to crack as he was clearly that close to losing it with us. I know my Pops and he certainly didn’t want us to see him that way, but Larry has a way of getting to your heart and man, he got to Pops really bad. And if you think Larry was letting up on him, he wasn’t. Good old Larry just kept it going and insisted that Pops pack a bag and get his ass on the first flight up here and don’t go cheap, buy a good seat too. Yes he told him to get his ‘ass up here,’ now tell me he doesn’t have a strong connection with Pops. I never told Pops to get his ‘ass’ anywhere in all the years I’ve known him!

It was all I could do to keep from laughing and fighting my own tears at the same time. Actually I did let go a laugh or two and it lightened up the situation some. I’ve never expected anything like that from Larry; hey it was great not a problem at all, in fact it was certainly wonderful to witness. Moreover, there’s a little more to the story not yet told. Well, part of it was told. Larry was through sweating by then but still shirtless. I had the feeling he had no idea of what he looked like at the time; he was on a mission. What makes this scene even more interesting was Pops was also shirtless and looking a little warm himself. Some of you might remember that Pops is not in the least bit challenged with body fur himself. You must know how comforting that must be for Larry to feel, two of the men in his life, Pops and his son Ryan are three peas in a pod. I’m the odd one out now! I don’t care, I get to look and enjoy the view, Haha.

So, back to the story, I’m not sure how his AC works down there with all the humidity, perhaps they use swamp coolers instead. During the conversation with Pops, Larry was standing behind me with his arms draped around my neck and his head very close to mine. There were times when I was speaking to Pops that Larry was kissing my cheek or neck right in camera view. There was no hiding any of that, at one point the kiss went directly to my lips and it wasn’t just a peck, it was “get a room guys.” That threw me for a loop for a minute, we’ve never seriously kissed in front of him or anyone else I think. Something else to discuss after the call, that’s for fucking sure!

Well, there was a short Larry-led ‘matter-of-fact’ conversation after our FaceTime call. Sometimes he blows be away. I’ve known a very conservative Mark much longer than the Larry dude we know in the journal. He wanted me to know what he said to Pops was how he felt and wanted me to understand. He said, “The kisses, the affection are what we do and who we are around here, and that ain’t gonna ever change. If Pop’s is coming to stay for a while, we are not going back to how we were for years. We are fucking getting married Sweetbabes, and he wants to marry us, so Pops better get used to it!” Wow, that said it all and I have nothing to add except I second the motion. End of conversation! Next topic.

SOMEONE NEEDS A ROCK FOR CLINGING

The communal experience of a 24/7 living arrangement with someone you have an immense respect and deep love for allows a perspective that might be otherwise overlooked. That’s a fancy way of saying there’s something troubling my husband to be, and it’s not minor or dismissible. It’s something to deal with in the now.

A cuddle turned bear hug

So, what’s my clue? Cuddling style under the sheets comes to mind immediately. Oh, don’t think that we have moved to the opposite sides of our king-sized bed. No, if anything, quite the opposite but sans whatever his right hand usually finds to mess around with of mine. He was glued to me in a completely different way with his powerful arm wrapped over my chest with his hand tucked under me to close any gap space. His head was tucked into my neck and his right leg intertwined with my two legs. Got the picture yet? We were glued like that for a while until I heard and sensed his breathing change. Was he going to start sobbing? That’s when I pulled just far enough away to face him and ask what was wrong. Normally if we were into such a position, someone had sex on the mind or would soon. Not that night.

“Babe, talk to me, you’re not hiding that something is bothering you very well; no secrets remember!” No answer unless holding me tighter was his non-verbal communication. It was at least for a few more minutes. And then it came, all at once, exactly how it should have been between to caring souls. It started with a loud almost shout, considering that we were only inches apart, “Fuck! Why can’t I catch a break once in a while!” Upon which I said, “Alright, spit it out, I’m all ears with a very limp dick now.” I was hoping a little humor was in order. Actually, catching a break is hardly his problem, it’s obviously something else that he doesn’t know how to tell me… or maybe not. Eventually, he was able to verbalize the problem. Before I get into that for you, I felt a good portion of his problem was removed with the super-glue hug that he needed with me. Hugs have always been our favorite way to communicate, and that goes back many, many years of our friendship.

So, what could possibly be bothering him, can’t be from work any longer, or could be from his wife Ellen and whatever she recently laid on him. I wasn’t aware of any meeting between them or phone calls. We are individuals in our relationship, meaning we don’t need each other’s permission to talk to our ex-wives or anyone else. Well he has been talking to her, mostly on the phone, but in person at times. We do have our personal time during the day, and he’ll never have to worry about me checking up on him with, “Whatcha doing, where’ve you been?” That’s never going to be the case from me and so far hasn’t described him as well. We share plenty of stuff just because we want to, not because we have to.

We got out of bed and didn’t bother to get any clothes on, it’s been hot for days but nicer at night, so I suggested that we go sit out in Lisa’s Garden room that’s off our bedroom for a while and watch the stars as we try to solve his problem. I immediately sensed a calming or settling down from him and I believe he was aware that he was in a much better place emotionally now.

It wasn’t that late yet and there’s no work in the morning to commute to any longer, so, I got up, grabbed his hand, and said, “Follow me babe.” Immediately he swapped the hand holding for an arm around my back and a tug closer to him as we walked towards the family room instead of through the house to my office deck. Pool access is available from our family room which is closer to our bedroom. 

The shallow end of the pool and its steps are in the area of the family room and covered patio. We just slowly walked down the pool steps and continued walking not swimming, until the bottom of the pool separated from our feet and we were floating over to the opposite deep end and our favorite spot. This was not a swim-meet, it was a time for us to clear our heads and hearts the best way we knew how.

I didn’t push for sex nor did he, we held on to each other and floated together watching the night sky. Fortunately, the night was clear of smoke from the Yosemite fire, but that’s a come and go thing around here. We love sex in the pool, it was our secret place for those months after our trip to the lake cabin over three years ago. But that night holding each other and being there for each other was better than sex. But you know us well enough to know better. At one point one of us will be sporting a boner, and I’ll confess it was me. That’s all it took to see a second boner soon after. We are a match set you know!

We both acknowledged each other’s boner and laughed at ourselves. But I did lay claim to having the first boner of the night, I liked that. We decided to use them but not in the pool since it was getting cooler out and we never thought about pool towels. However, I’m sure we’ll find some in the patio towel bin. I just hate losing a boner to the cold though. Okay, so it’s a little contest in my mind between us, who can hang on to one the longest. To be truthful, the clear winner is not me, probably will never be me. There I said it, it’s the truth though, besides are you going to hate me for telling the truth? You had better not! Haha.

Well, I did say we were saving our boners for a more comfortable spot, such as our bed; that’s a good spot. What we didn’t count on was, the much later hour, the relaxation of floating and watching the night sky for a long time. And then you can add the walk from the warm pool into the cool air to find a towel, and the hike to our bedroom. This time I’d like to truthfully announce the first guy to emit a snore once his head hit the pillow was not me! And that’s the truth! Nothing like a good night sleep and some fresh morning wood to pick up where we left off though. As stated earlier, there’s no morning commute, so the coffee can wait a bit, right. I’ll get to Larry’s problem next.

THE LARRY AND ELLEN SHOW

Actually, I’m trying to lighten the load with that heading. Larry’s going through a bit of hell himself over his pending divorce from Ellen and I mean no disrespect with my choice of those words. If we can’t get to lighten up the load, who knows what effect it will have on both of them as we move down the road.

Hopefully you’ll remember what I’ve written before about myself and Lisa and how we came to our marriage with a legal exit plan before we tied the knot years ago. That might sound a bit callous for you, but in the world that Lisa and I occupy, it’s a necessary fact of life if you come to a marriage with considerable property in a community property state such as ours.

I’ve written that it was my Pops who had the prenup arranged for me and since Ellen had one herself, it wasn’t a concern of hers or a prediction of a doomed marriage. Bottom line, our separation and pending divorce won’t change our love and respect for each other. If I had a looking glass into the future, it was bound to happen once Mark and Ellen became our neighbors. The mutual attraction was immense for all of us. Of course, as most of you know, the attraction our wives had for each other came long before their move to Granite Bay and next door to us.

Ellen and Mark have been married for 35+ years which is by all accounts, their whole adult lives. Add they married as virgins, at least that’s what they are claiming, it makes a pending divorce rather sticky. Lately Ellen has been letting him know it’s not going to be an easy transition for her, that maybe she’s liking the way things are right now and is not willing to make any permanent changes. Nice huh. Okay before I go on, the following is how I’m interpreting the clues I’m getting, it still belongs to Larry or in this case, Mark to decide what becomes public in the journal. At least know that Larry and I have been talking about this and he knows I’ll be addressing it in my chapter for him. At a minimum, understand he will need to approve what you are reading before I hit the publish button. I’m happy to say, no changes were needed and what you are reading had his approval.

For those of you who are following us, you know that our current living arrangements have been stabilized for months on end. From all the indications from the four of us, there seems to be no one with desires to return to our former lifestyle. Larry and I are beyond happy, and there’s no static coming from next door, although we rarely get information from them. To be fair, nor do they get anything from us. Happy, happy world stuff going on, right? So why upset the apple cart with a divorce? As I’ve stated, this is my interpretation. 

Divorce and getting married for Larry and myself might be the way we finally come out to the world as a gay married couple. Of course we are already living that and quite freely talking about it in our journal with you. However, that’s the extent of our free to be us situation. Other than a few nosey and probably gossiping close by neighbors, very few people in our world are aware of that, such as our wives, Pops, Joe, and it’s now a good bet, Aldo our grounds keeper. Although I have the feeling he and is wife are praying for our return to sanity and become normal married people again. It’s the paranoid feeling I get when I’m giving him his check and chatting for a spell. It’s a good bet they won’t be on the wedding list.

I’m committed to giving Larry the right to edit content but not if it means I’ll have no editorial content. That said, I’ll be walking on thin ice now. I am aware that Larry talks to Ellen, hell, I talk to Lisa, not often but occasionally. We don’t hate each other, and I don’t think Larry and Ellen hate each other as well. However, I’m the one to pick up the pieces after one of their heavy conversations. Sometimes I have the feeling that I’m not getting the whole story when the conversation gets a little intense for them. I also have the feeling that at times the conversation might move over to this fling or toe-dipping into same-sex attraction between all of us. I’ll leave that idea for Larry to write about if he wants to do that. However, I’ll state up front, between Larry and myself, we are way beyond a fling or into same sex curiosity. Obviously, on our discovery cabin at the lake trip, we got that curiosity behind us. That trip told us exactly how much we loved each other, not let’s see if we like sex with each other. I often wonder how difficult it must be for them to admit their same-sex attraction, so far Lisa and I haven’t had a hard time with that at all. She knew all along how much I was attracted to Mark, it didn’t hurt that I often mentioned that to her over the years. Not that I wanted to jump in bed with him, but I always had something nice to say about him, especially his physical attributes. If anything, there was a competition between us checking off what we both found attractive about Mark. I got to know something that she didn’t though, and I’m not talking about anything sexual, it was his heart which he always let me into over the years.

I’m back to guessing again, but I know Lisa and I know her drive to achieve her goals. I am afraid those goals will be met one day and it’s a good bet, it won’t be in Sacramento. She’s not going to stop until she is at the pinnacle of her profession, and that might mean staying no longer than a couple of years in any position she achieves. That could be giving Ellen a real hit on stability and her home here in Granite Bay. Is she ready to give up her job and join Lisa if that means Chicago or New York or some other metropolis on the horizon? I say no, not right now. Hence, her conversations with Mark now are beginning to make sense to me. Maybe she thinks, he’ll come to his senses and return to her once Lisa moves on with her career choices.

I cannot say that this hasn’t crossed my mind often, perhaps that you are reading about this, might give you a clue huh. I don’t believe that Larry will return to his life as Mark, not one bit, not after living with him and knowing the love we share. However, women can be driven to get what they want, and Mark might be high on her want list if Lisa moves, and she decides not to follow her. After all, Ellen has had a very long and good career in business and is quite the conservative as well. That translates to me as a stable person not into a “what the hell, let’s get crazy and see what happens” kind of person that Lisa happens to be. It’s just that being that kind of person has been successful for Lisa in the business world.

I’m well aware of what Larry has written about and how much he loves this home of ours together and how he doesn’t want me to sell the place. I’m also well aware that Ellen and Lisa are living just a stones throw away from us; that can be comforting if things go south for any of us. Is it going south for them? They don’t share feelings with us, and if Ellen has shared any with Mark perhaps he’ll share them when he writes again. I don’t know and I’m not pushing it as well. I know how affected he is after discussions with her and how much he needs me to calm down afterwards. I’d assume previously if he got into bad situations at work while he was living with her, that he’d depend upon her to calm him down as well.

I don’t know what a 35-years span of marriage feels like, and I haven’t lived his experiences or felt his pain as well. But I can be there for him. I can be his rock when he needs it, he certainly has been my rock when I needed one. I’m not sure I’ve ever considered rock and love to be the same, but I do now, and I don’t think I can live without that combination. I’m sure he knows that I’ll always be his rock, hey fuck being a rock; I’ll be his big fucking mountain if that’s what he needs from me.

There have been a few times much like what he is experiencing currently, that my fantasy of stealing him away with me to some deserted island to live out our lives as brown-berry beachcombers, is working overtime. Yeah, I know fantasies rarely ever become realities, so, my new updated fantasy has evolved to include solar panels, and all the engineering trappings needed for living off the grid. Man do I ever have the perfect partner to live that fantasy out with now! 

I can only hope that what I consider fantasy for us will become fantasy for him one day. He’s heard me talk about this beachcomber thing for years now. Considering the effort to make anything like that happen might just mean a lot of extra physical work for him. The best I know how to bring to the table would be the vision, drawings, and whatever funding needed. My lack of practical abilities is legendary here in the journal. Well as long as I don’t royally piss him off before then, who knows huh. He absolutely has the knowledge and experience to pull everything off without a hitch. There have been some days that I wake up and wonder why the beach sand is not steps away from our bed. To be fair to Larry regarding my fantasy, what we have together here might just be more than fantasy enough for him. I’m sure you might understand what I mean by that. Perhaps all I need is a get-away place to go to when one of us really needs it. Could be an easy fix.

Back to the currant reality, and my babe’s currant situation, I hope those of you who have found a connection with him here in the journal will understand that what he is going through right now and why he’s taking some time to deal with that before writing again. It is patently unfair for him to be dealing with this after so much that has gone right for him. Reconnecting with his estranged son and finding out what it feels like to have an older gentleman treat him like a son or feel what having a loving and supportive father might be like. And all the rest, and don’t forget me, I’m important too. Haha, like I don’t know that. And then you get a message like a thunderbolt from above that maybe you should not get divorced, there’s a chance for reconciliation down the road. You’d be thrown for a loop as well, of that I’m sure.

I believe I’ve come to the point of letting Larry decide when and how much to cover with you in his next chapter. Hopefully, by the time you get to read this chapter everything I’ve discussed will have been resolved in a manor acceptable to all. The one thing you should know about the four of us, the dozen years we’ve been close friends we share a love and respect for each other and can only hope that continues as we get to live the rest of our lives in peace and love.

CONVINCING LARRY TO JUST LET GO

I have a slight problem that I’d like to let go of myself. I’m in a position to be of immense help to my future husband. I will come out of a divorce way better than he seems to be doing. But I’m facing pride and I don’t want to fuck with that at all. I love knowing that the two of us are independent souls and my guy is not in it for the money. Not like what Pops was so concerned for me long ago before I married Lisa. I can only hope that one day Larry will understand that whatever I have is for him as well. There will be no prenup for us. I want to share everything with him. But I love knowing that he wants to feel it’s a 50/50 arrangement and if I’m funding all the time that changes everything. 

This is not easy for me to figure out, and I don’t want to argue about it, and that will happen if I push too hard. But really, give everything to Ellen, whatever she wants. After all, his workout equipment is here and functioning, his wood workshop is all over here now and functioning. We won’t talk about his clothes since, well we won’t talk about them. He has everything I own to use without asking, but he does often. It’s going to take time to let go I guess. If she lays claim on his beautiful Chris Craft boat, it will break his heart. But she doesn’t know how to operate it or has been a huge fan of going out in it unless Lisa is there with her. That’s been going on for years now.

I know he’ll be depressed if it gets to be part of the settlement, we are in a Community Property State, and they haven’t got a prenup. I love his beautiful boat as much as him, I hardly ever get to be more than a passenger, but I do have an idea for him. Let’s buy a new boat, one with an actual galley and something we could live on for a few days, go places far away. After all, he was a Coastie, he knows the open sea. Although I think he was stationed in Kodiak, Alaska longer than any other place. I’m just thinking out loud for now. We have talked about buying a house boat before anyway. There is one slight problem with his boat, it’s under cover on his property. We don’t have access space here to hold it without uprooting many trees and bushes. I could see that becoming an issue if everything goes south on him. As much as I love his mahogany boat, I can see him piloting a much bigger cruiser and having a real stateroom that you can walk around the bed to make it, instead of struggling getting it made while you are sitting on it. We can rent a covered slip to store it on the Sacramento River and have access to the Delta and beyond. Maybe cruise out to sea from under the Golden Gate Bridge and head to Santa Barbara. Fantasy stuff here, I understand the tide is a nightmare getting out of the bay to the open sea. Maybe we can just cruise the river and see where it takes us, set anchor, and spend the night watching the stars. And I don’t have a clue on how to operate a boat, he won’t let me. So I’ll just relax and work on my tan. Haha.

I think I’ve written enough for now; I suspect you’ll be hearing from the old muscle bear soon. Give him a chance to work out something equitable with Ellen and I bet he’ll be back to the old ball-busting buddy I know and love. That’s not a bad thing for any of you new guys reading about us. I actually miss hearing those comments from him, his head is usually someplace else lately. I hope I haven’t made you think it’s all doom and gloom for him, it’s more of a speed bump in the road you didn’t see coming. Okay, I better go look for a couple of horny pictures for you guys. Oh yeah, I remember one more thing.

I was showing someone I know, but not important to our journal stories, some pictures on my photo feed in the Microsoft Cloud. And before I knew it a few of the really X-rated photos were in the feed. I tried to change the screen and made it worse because a whole bunch of them showed up. I was so embarrassed and decided to say that I didn’t know how they got in there maybe I was hacked or something. Like the guy bought that. The person I’m talking about probably thought I was straight before the pictures, but not after!

I had my pictures in folders all organized as to content and I thought safe from public view. I was so pissed off that when I got home I deleted every fucking picture I had been collecting for the journal, hundreds of them too. Now I need to go searching again. I have no Idea if what he saw will change how we act together in the future, I’ve known him through my work, and I have always played the straight card in public. I’m sure he’ll be reassessing our relationship especially after seeing those pictures on the big iPad Pro 12.9” screen. That’s around three years of collecting images gone. Teach me to trust the Cloud on privacy I guess. 

Okay now I’m done. Thanks for reading and stay safe out there.

Marcus

Here is a link to Larry's Chapter 23 about Pops.

https://brosgonerogue.blogspot.com/2022/08/larrys-23rd-pops-is-here-with-us-now.html#more