CH 75: Big Changes Happen at the Best of TImes

Hi guys, it’s Marcus at the helm once again.

Larry and I have been discussing the path of our future together with more than a touch of seriousness than we have ever before. I’m seriously trying to understand what my wants and needs are to move forward and how that will impact the both of us so we may continue to build upon our strong love for each other. How’s that for a mouthful, huh! That might give you a clue where my head is right now.

I want my buddy to feel that he has a coequal role in my future decision making. I will strive to keep that at the forefront at all times. I’m not saying it will be easy for either of us though. So, maybe it’s time to bring you into our current mindset fold at this point. I’m sure Larry will want to write about his feelings himself in a future post for you, I’m certain he will. So, I’m sharing what’s going on with us. For those of you who have been with us for the long haul, this is for especially for you. Maybe the sexual temperature of the post might be a little lower than usual. I don’t know for sure I just started writing this, you never know, the old Marcus horn dog is back full time again. I bet you know how Larry feels about that. 🤪

So, I’ve been seriously thinking about making some major changes in my life; it can’t help but impact Larry’s life in some way. Well, I hope what I decide to do means something to him, that’ll be a bitch if it didn’t! Well, my dear friends, I’m half way to my 59th birthday coming in June, and then that scary ‘60-year-old thing’ is right around the next bend! I hear you it’s only a number, but in my head I’m still a young dude, that number sounds old to me. What the fuck happened to my 50’s, it’s almost over. Why is time flying faster now than ever before? Slow the fuck down please! So, what is this, some kind of mid-life crisis I haven’t yet experienced. At least I haven’t wanted to buy a flame red Corvette yet! Haha! Or maybe it’s just the COVID thing screwing with our heads this year, no matter what, I feel compelled to do something, and hopefully not something fucking stupid. I’m happy I have Larry and you guys to help me get through this.

I must tell you, I love my job, I love my boss, and I love Larry more than both squared. My life for years has been my job, learning and performing work that has rewarded me well, only monetarily speaking that is. It’s done nothing for my sex life! Haha, what sex life! I relegated whatever that was to the back burner years ago. I sold out myself, and wife Lisa has done so as well. Maybe that’s why she found a new attraction and love with Ellen, Larry’s wife for those new here with us. Those who have read our older posts know that I’ve been offered an opportunity to replace my boss. In January, my boss 'Pops' turned 81, and he’s held pushing me for an answer off for months now. I’m sure he’s been hopefully waiting for me to recover from surgery and commit to the changes he’s suggested. I would have jumped on that with or without surgery if Larry weren’t in my heart and life. But he is, and I need him more than what’s being offered. You all know that by now. 

Long before I met Larry, the former ‘Mark’ as you also know him, I was offered the opportunity to work with my 'Pops' in a whole new field of employment. Some of you know I was a high school teacher in my first marriage. However, my love of teaching young people was the deal-breaker eventually in my first marriage. My laughable salary couldn’t pay all the bills with a stay-at-home mom rearing two kids. That’s what we both wanted for our kids, we wanted the old-fashioned idea that a stay-at-home mom needed a strong comeback in our society. I tried getting a second job, but I lost time being a dad and husband, it just wasn’t working for anyone at all. 

Perhaps this is a good time to tell you that Pops took over the roll of my caretaker father when I lost both of my parents as a teen. My sister, a few years younger than me, was taken in by my mother’s relatives. At almost 17 years old, I was considered old enough to live on my own; I guess no relative worried that much about me. I don’t want to write a whole chapter on that part of my life, I don’t need to dredge up those memories ever. I did had a good life in Pops family though. I should say, I was their ‘family’ now since they were a childless couple. Pops had a business relationship and close friendship with my father and mother. To me they were like an Aunt and Uncle more than any real relative of mine; and they really liked and cared for me, I could tell. The feeling was mutual, he’ll always be my 'Pops.' I’ve known him longer now than I got to know my own daddy. And that’s my biggest painful concern right now.

Just a little more information for you before I quit writing about that time. Long ago, and well after I was an adult and married, he requested that I should give up teaching and think about earning a second advance degree, an MBA, and he’d pay for it and employ me while I studied. I already had earned an MFA in art to teach high school. I thought I’d be a good teacher growing up. Did I really want to go back to college and go through that again. To be honest, no I did not. Did I do it, yes I did, gladly. I was so angry at teaching, so angry that the rewards of teaching destroyed my home and family life, that I committed to him that I would do as he requested.

MONEY, MONEY, MONEY

At one point my head easily did a 180° and decided that money meant everything now, and I do mean everything! Screw low paying jobs that I loved, I wanted to feel what it's like with money in the bank and bury a couple of ‘C’ notes in my wallet for a change. Drive a car that didn’t need repairs all the time. I was driven and eventually at the University I met a beautiful woman named Lisa, who was super motivated just like me. Maybe she was driven that way a bit longer than me at the time. She had no 'Pops' in her life to help her. She earned everything by herself and broke a few glass ceilings along the way. By the time we started living together, we didn’t need each other’s money, if anything she was earning more at the time anyway. What a fucking delight, never worrying if we’d have enough money by the end of the month. Money was better than sex; that’s fucked up thinking, huh? But it was my reality now!

I’m thinking now that I’ve said that about myself, maybe you should know more about how I handled all the new money I was making in Pops company. A substantial portion went to support my two kids. And I made sure there was some extra for my ex-wife, a single mom now. I hope you understand that I’m not one of those deadbeat dad guys. There were times I wondered if our breakup could be repaired; I missed my kids, but they were awarded to their mom, as it should have been anyway. All of that still taints the relationship my kids have with me, slowly we’ve been correcting missteps and unfortunate misunderstandings.

However, as much as I loved my passion for teaching, I loved my new money passion more. Teaching wasn’t a viable passion any longer. I gazed into the future and it finally looked bright and up for a change. Sometimes I wonder how all of that would have turned out if I knew that a Larry was to be in my future, how I would have acted. But I can’t go back and change anything, if I did for sure there might never be a Larry in my life, maybe a Mark, but not Larry, and that is the most painful thing I can think about at this time!

POPS GOLDEN BOY

Pops was my mentor and guide all the way for me. I wasn’t aware of the full extent of his plans for me, but it became evident to everyone else, there was a new ‘golden boy’ in the firm. It wasn’t a comfortable situation for me, that’s so not me. However, eventually with more hard work than I thought I could ever muster up, I gained the respect I wished to have. Maybe Pops had a hand in that too, who knows. There’s something else I haven’t told you about, since maybe why should I anyway. You got me in a weak moment, so, here goes. There’s not a chance in hell I could have afforded the home I live in with Larry. My Pops decided that a gift for doing everything he asked of me should be rewarded. It came as a home that suited his idea, with a big twist. There would be times when we would entertain our clients as the hosts for the firm. My house can accommodate a substantial amount of guests. Unfortunately, parking is always a problem, so many of the guests would arrange for drivers instead. 

There’s a reason I’m bringing this up, I’ll get to it soon enough. I do own the house, and it wasn’t a total gift. I still have a mortgage that came with his hefty and needed down payment gift. If I sell my home, there goes the firm’s party house. Maybe it’s about time anyway. I thought I’d throw that out to you. I know that Larry has told you how much he wants to live here with me. Me too, I’ve read it as well. It’s just such big place for the two of us. Hell, we have most of the house closed to us to keep it clean. And with COVID there haven’t been any parties given here in a year. But I totally understand where Larry is coming from. And the privacy is perfect for us, we can be nudists 100% of the time if we wanted. Haha, we do most of the time anyway. I never thought I’d be doing that with a buddy though.

CLEANING IS SUCH A BITCH

Well, there’s another thing, too. I hope you realize that Lisa and I had help cleaning the inside of the house. We had help before COVID and Larry moving in with me. If we stay, we need to rehire our housekeeper again. The closed rooms need cleaning too. To be honest with you, once I started living with Larry and we were loose with the clothing optional thing, I don’t want to give it up. Who needs a housekeeper working all day making us be decent when naked is more fun. Maybe now that we’ve got almost a year under our belt doing that, we can give up a day for her. And then the other thing, Larry and I sleep together, one bedroom not two. Do we want her to know that? 'Grow up Marcus!' 

I start writing about us and I immediately think about other stuff I haven’t thought much about before. Case in point, my naked ass around the house which I’m concerned about hiding with a housekeeper again. My bedroom is far away from my office; I mean it’s a hike! Okay, it’s a stroll is more like it I guess. My fresh clothes are in the office closet. I sleep naked, always have, I want fresh clothes after my shower, so I walk naked through the house to my office closet. (Larry now does the same too!) When Lisa was here, she was always off to work early; okay before I got up! Besides, there’s no reason to dress, why bother just to get to my office. It didn’t take long for me to realize I’d be hitting the pool naked anyway, why bother with clothes. Naked most of the time now, the Marcus you know was hatched. What a blessing that my buddy turned out to be the same kind of guy as me; it’s so fucking cool to be on the same page most of the time. 

Well, that will change for at least one whole day a week if I hire a housekeeper again. I know we can continue to do the cleaning ourselves, but we don’t tackle the whole house, just where we spend time together. That’s bad enough for me since I hate cleaning anyway. Larry is working on my head about that, he’s a lot more domestic than I’ll ever be. Maybe it’s because he’s not being told to do stuff from a nagging wife; that’ll never be me, I’d never do that to him! I’d rather see Larry having fun in a garden instead. I read his thing about growing a garden in his last posting. That’s a done deal, it’s going to happen ASAP. I have a big yard and I already know where a raised garden bed would be perfect. Maybe he’d love to have a small greenhouse, that would be cool. Maybe we could grow orchids too, I love growing orchids and not killing them with too much love!

I’d like to see if we could get our former housekeeper Maria Lourdes back again, she needed to be home to care for her children and their at home schooling. All I can do is ask if she’s available yet. I’ll discuss the ramifications with Larry before I ask her though. I’m not going to stand for him to use the guest bedroom to cover ourselves when she’s here. I’ll man up and let her know Larry is my partner now, if she can’t handle it, someone else will. I’m very sure Larry will agree with me on this. It’s the one thing we both want so bad, and now that we are living it, maybe it’s time to stop the closet hiding for good.

Larry is very committed to us being a couple now. I am too, hell, I wanted to feel what it was like first. We just aren’t that open about it to everyone we know. For me it’s something I desired but away from home base. That’s pretty lame huh? We do still take walks in the neighborhood; I hope you don’t think Larry would let me get away from my needed exercises anyway. But now we hold hands sometimes, or have an arm around a waist or shoulder, and I don’t think much about it anymore. It’s seems silly now that we’d wait until after dark before we’d try anything like we do now in the middle of the day. 

The other thing that seems to anchor Larry here is that our wives are safely living next door in his house. As hurt as he feels about their relationship, he’s not ready to divorce yet. He’s been married a very long time, that’s going to be very hard for him. I don’t look forward to a divorce myself, I’ve already went through that wringer long ago myself. Right now, all four of us are probably the happiest we’ve ever been. Why screw with it. I’d say the bottom line for of all of this is buying a second get away home will be more important for us than moving. I guess what drives me more now than anything is making Larry happy that he’s with me. Oh, I know that’s not what he’d be thinking. I’ve been his best friend for close to ten years now, we’ve been through so much together, but I can honestly say, I’ve never seen him happier. Count me in too.

A VISIT WITH POPS

I asked Larry if he’d take me to Sacramento to visit with my boss. Of course, he would drive me since I haven’t been given permission to drive myself yet. I think that’s ridiculous at this point in my recovery, however, I still put up with it. Anyway, I want to include Larry in the visit, so, I told him that I’d take him and Pops out for lunch after the meeting. Larry asked if this was the ‘Meeting’ I feared, yup, that’s the one. But I didn’t tell Pops the total reason for my visit, not yet.

I asked him if he’d wear his business suit for me since Pops doesn’t do casual at the office. Sure, he would and decided to pull out his tailored suit from the guest closet. They say the suit makes the man; in his case the man made the suit awesome! As much as I love living with my casual and sometimes naked furry Larry, this version of Larry is a jaw-dropper! He got dressed in the guest bedroom, tie and dress shirt, polished shoes. Wow, he still cleans up fucking awesome. I asked him to turn around for me, I wanted to see that ass of his in fitted slacks. Oh yeah, that material knew where to cling and celebrate one of his awesome physical assets. That’s so unfair though, my ass will never look that good for him! Who knows, maybe it does.

I dressed in my office and of course Larry had nice things to say about me all dressed up, too. That dressed up look is rare around here. We were out the door and headed to see Pops and face what I’ve been fearing for weeks now. I could just change my mind, but I owe this to Larry and myself, it’s time. During the ride over to Sacramento I told Larry what my final plans are about my position at the firm. I said I’m resigning from the firm effective this Spring or sooner if a proper replacement for me can be found. I heard Larry gasp a little bit when he heard me. I told him not to worry, it’s going to be great, we’ll have more time to be together and move forward with our plans. Please trust me on this.

IMPORTANT SIDE NOTE

So, you don’t get confused in my story today, my Pops does not call me Marcus or my buddy Larry. He has no idea of those guys. He has known Larry with his real first name Mark, and certainly has no idea that I’m Marcus. Only two people know me as Marcus, you, and my buddy, that’s it! I’ve used a short nickname of my formal first name my whole life, it’s who I am to everyone who knows me. I was so sure I was going to be this famous artist one day and then I was going to be known as ‘Marcus the famous artist.’ Maybe I’d use the Latin use of the letter V for the U and be known by the single name ‘MARCVS’. And then the reality kicks-in, famous artist, never in the cards. But I love the name and when I started writing the journal blog, I chose to embrace it for myself. It’s really my middle name anyway, so no prob! 😊 My first name is not an important name and you don’t need more names to get confused with in our journal. (If you must know what it is, email me and I’ll tell you, but never use it in any comments you might make. I still wish to be known as Marcus.)

ON THE FREEWAY TO SACRAMENTO 

It took about 40 minutes to arrive at the building today, but still early enough to not keep Pops waiting for us. We were allowed into his office this time without question, I guess his Administrative Assistant remembered what I looked like this time. She even welcomed me with my name as well, and said he was waiting for us. It’s been quite a while since I’ve been in the office, I hate to say maybe close to a year because of COVID. Last year Larry joined us for lunch downtown, so it’s not out of place that he’s here with me, at least in my mind. Pops has known Larry for years and is aware of our close buddy status. However, I might be just a little jealous of the reception Larry got from my Pops though. He asked me how I managed to keep such a good-looking young man as a friend for so long. Like I’m mincemeat or something. I responded with, “You know, I’m not so bad looking myself Pops!” He laughed and said we both were handsome looking ‘old guys’ and he said if he was 25 years younger, he’d give me a run for my money with Larry. I blurted out then, “Old guys huh, well maybe Mark should show off his young backside in that suit then!”  Whoops, that was an uncalled-for semi-compliment that was meant to be funny, maybe I was overcompensating. It was ignored by them, good. What was I thinking anyway! I guess I wasn’t at all.

I hate to tell you that made me hope he didn’t suspect something about the two of us. He has never been open to the gay lifestyle as far as I’m aware. He did keep up the glowing comments about how nice Larry looked in his fitted suit though. I’ve never heard Pops dwell on anyone’s looks before. Maybe he’s in a frisky mood or something, I guess we will know soon enough. Pops asked us to please go sit on the wingback chairs near the window as he headed to the credenza to bring out his XO Cognac for a drink. He asked if Larry would like some coffee or bottle water. He chose coffee of course; he didn’t offer him a club soda.

Pops just sat and sipped on his cognac while looking at us for a minute longer than comfortable, shook his head a bit and stuttered for a second before he blurted out something I never expected. He directed his look and comments to Larry and said that there was something very different about us this day. He told Larry that he knew that feeling well, and it brought back dear memories of his best friend Harvey who passed away some time ago. His lady friend Sarah was Harvey’s widow. He knows that Larry and Ellen are our best friends, he’s seen us all together often enough over the years at our house. But he has no idea about what the living situation is between us now.

Pops is onto something and can’t seem to let it go. Finally, he said to us, “You’ve found something that’s deeply special with each other haven’t you. It’s okay, you don’t need to say anything if you don’t want to, I understand better than you might think.” He poured a second shot of cognac for the two of us and was getting maybe a little too personal, but I thought he wants to tell us something. And it’s going to be a something I’d never guess on my own, that’s for certain.

“Gentlemen, today you both have brought up deep memories that I’ve lived with alone for so many years. I hope you will not be offended by my thoughts; I’d love to tell you about my best friend whom I miss more everyday as I grow older.” I spoke first and Larry joined in, “No we’d love to hear,” and we were all smiles. Pops continued, “I’ve never told a soul about my relationship with Harvey. I loved him in ways that were hard to discuss with anyone. Maybe it was our generation or living in the Bay Area at the time. Oh, I’m going to be sorry for saying this; the pot and some light drugs, who knows what. Maybe it was the time in history, maybe something deeper, but there were times that Harvey and I shared a closeness that didn’t frighten us as it should have. It was only with Harvey that I felt this way; it felt right between us. As we grew older the deep feelings, we had for each other grew as well. Everyone in our circle of friends knew Harvey and I were the closest of all the friends, and that included your parents, too Marcus. When I see you and your wives together and enjoying yourselves, it brings back so many memories of my youth and the happiness we brought to each other.”

“Now years later after Harvey’s passing, a part of me died along with him, too. I often found myself looking at Harvey much like Mark looks at you Marcus. I know that look, that brotherly love. Don’t worry, I see you looking at Mark the same way, son. You both have that connection, don’t you.” I figured, what the hell, I’ll asked him if it was only how we looked at each other or was there something else we’re not aware of yet. Yes, he suspected something when we begged off the trip to Cabo last year with him, that we had a very strong bond with each other, stronger than his pending gift could counter.

Pops allowed that he’d stop talking about this if it made us uncomfortable. But hoped it was okay because he wanted to continue reminiscing about his dear old friend Harvey that day. I planned on saying it was okay, but Larry beat me to it. “Pops, if I can call you Pops, I think I understand your relationship with Harvey, it sounds a lot like what ours has turned into.” I figured I better jump in and say something myself. “Mark is right we have an awesome relationship now.” Yes, I know we could have been more honest about ourselves to him, but that traffic signal is only at the cautionary yellow right now.

Now there’s one thing Pops has no idea about yet, the relationship our wives have with each other. So, I told him enough to satisfy the curiosity factor without a wrapped-up history lesson. I took the chance with that information, no idea how it would go. See that’s a big change for me. The old me would have thought through those words carefully before uttering them. I figured what the hell, he’s going to know a lot more than that before the day was over.

I really had no idea how he’d take the news, again not so typical of my type of thinking. Pops got very emotional with the news. Oh, oh, what the fuck did I just do, dumb shit! He loves our wives and flirts with them every chance he gets. No, that wasn’t exactly what hit him so hard. It wasn’t difficult for him to do the math, the special relationship between the four of us brought up what he remembered in his own time with Harvey and their wives.

Pops didn’t let it go, he wanted more than the little I gave him. “Gentlemen, what happened, I, I don’t get it. I’ve only known a few people as close as the four of you. You seemed so perfect to me.” Oh, there was no way I figured my buddy Larry was going to handle that one. His look to me had an ‘Oh, what bloody hell is this going to be!’ The old Marcus had a job to do, and he better not fuck it up!

I told him as truthfully as I could; I don’t like lying, you guys know why too. “Pops, I can speak for myself, my relationship with Lisa is good. We are good friends; we respect the work we do and the life we had together. But we didn’t have a normal marriage, it was a business partnership. We could support each other in business and friendship, but not in the bedroom.” There, I put it out there, no more hiding that. Not something I’m happy about saying, but it’s the fucking truth.

And then I told him there was a time not long ago that I thought that the bond Mark and I had was unraveling, fading away; almost gone now and I was miserable. Apparently, Mark was reacting at home, as well. Our wives were smart enough to see what was happening between us, but not sure why. At one point they said to us that ‘we know how to fix each other’ and that was something they might be able to help us with. They were right, we needed fixing and we were the only ones who could make it happen. “Pops, that was a couple of years ago now. And since the COVID work at home thing last year Mark and I started working together and eventually moved in as well. It was more convenient and made sense to us. We had a chance earlier to see if we could do that, and it worked out well for us.” 

Pops said he was still a little confused how the wives started living together so easily. So, I gave him a little more of the story. “Pops, they had a relationship that goes back a few years now. It was convenient for them to let us move in together since we were working together, that’s pretty much it I guess.” Apparently, Pops curiosity was satisfied for the time being, and asked no more questions of us.

After a moment or two, Pops finally acknowledged the special relationship he had with Harvey. They were part of the ‘love generation,’ free to express themselves as they saw fit. That is, as long as they remained in a group or commune-like living arrangement with themselves. It was a lot more difficult away from that as they grew older and merged into ‘polite society.’ Please understand I’m trying to find the words to use that might have been used by his generation. Pops did a great job of skirting around stuff that Larry and I write openly about all the time. I got the general idea that they did a lot of sneaking around later in life. We certainly do know a lot about that ourselves.

Pops quietly looked at us for a few seconds longer and asked us if we’d mind spending the rest of the afternoon with him. That it’s something that would mean so much to him if we could. Of course, we will and jointly said, “Yes, we would love to do that with you.” Pops smiled and picked up his desk phone to talk to his assistant. I heard him say, “I want you to clear my calendar for this afternoon. I’m sorry, that can wait. No, no, it’s not that important; I’m spending the afternoon with my sons. You heard me, yes they are.” You know I didn’t need to know what she was saying to him, it was perfectly clear what was more important to him. Larry leaned over to whisper to me that Pops called him his son, really, he said that, huh.

Larry couldn’t contain himself when Pops hung up the phone. “Pops you said I was your son too, why, you hardly know me.” “Mark I’m sure I know all I need to know about you, I’d be so proud to be the father of two sons who have grown into the kind of men you are. If you don’t mind me asking, I’d like a hug right now.” They did just that but there was a twist I didn’t see coming. Larry said out loud, “Pops you grabbed my ass!” “Yes, I did, I had to check out if Marcus was telling the truth about it. You’ve got a pretty firm ass son; he didn’t oversell it at all!” Pops and I laughed, Larry joined in soon after, poor guy didn’t expect that at all, nor did I. However, I was glad this happened as a ‘family affair,’ or this could have gone so very wrong if Larry was an employee of the company. My Pops obviously felt it was safe between us, I can’t imagine any other situation than that. I have a feeling we will be having our share of fun together, and I can’t wait to hear some of his stories now.

Pops asked if we remembered the birthday party, we threw for his 80th birthday last January. Of course, we did, at least I did. He reminded us about how he got a little too tipsy with the wine and that we took him home, so he didn’t need to drive. “You should know I wasn’t that out of it. I led you men on, don’t be mad at me please. I’ve been alone for years, no one cares about me as much as you both did that night. I let you undress me and put me in bed. I also watched Mark carefully hang my jacket and slacks on my valet chair. And I know you both kissed me on the cheek goodnight and said “Happy Birthday Pops” before you left for home. Do you know what I did after you left? I cried like a baby; I haven’t felt that kind of love since Harvey died. I appreciated the love from both of you that night, and I was so happy Mark was an important part of your life.” I told Pops he was going to make me all emotional talking like that. He asked if we would like to hear more about his best friend Harvey; he’d love to tell that story to someone who might care to hear.

AN AFTERNOON WITH POPS

Pops knew having lunch inside an elegant restaurant, drive-in, or dive wasn’t going to happen, COVID has them all closed. Some had outside dining whenever it was permitted, but that wasn’t in his mind either. Pops said, “You know what guys, I never had an ‘In and Out Burger,’ I hear they’re pretty good, can we do that? I don’t even know where to find one though.” I said, “Sure Pops, I bet you’d like the double double.” He looked at me like that was some kind of fast-food code that alluded him. I bet he was having second thoughts. He picked up the desk phone and asked for a driver to pick us up and he wanted a big car so we could stretch out. And then he told her, it’s going to be for the whole afternoon, make sure they know that. He looked at both of us and winked the smile that was almost a grin, the one that has some pending mischief behind it. I couldn’t wait to find out.

A BETTER DECISION FOR LUNCH WAS COMING

Pops had a new idea and couldn’t wait to let us know about it, too. “Would you men like to do what Harvey and I did sometimes in the City.” I told him it depends, do we have to get high first, and then timidly laughed. He already told us drugs were a part of growing up in the sixties. He mocked me back with, “No Marcus, something much better!” And he laughed at my silly suggestion. I took a chance with that comment to see if we could all exist on the same playing field that day. It did help I think, since there is a generation gap between us to cover. That day we heard a man reliving memories that would never leave him, and he was about to share some of them with us. 

My Pops was in one of those moods I’ve only briefly observed over the years with him. This day the two of us gave him something he must have needed, and we still didn’t know what that was yet. Then Pops started to untie his necktie, stripped it off and folded it neatly, next he opened a couple of his shirt buttons, and rolled up his shirt sleeves. He looked at us both and sternly said, “What are we waiting for men, get comfortable.” Larry had his tie off before I had mine untied. He cheated and just loosened the knot instead. Now there’s three gents in the room with ties gone, buttons open, sleeves rolled up and jackets on the couch. I wish I had a picture of us, this has to be a first for him. Pops is changing, maybe reaching 81 years-old has finally registered well with him.

Grateful Dead 1968 in the Panhandle

Now that we all were comfortable, he told us back in his 20’s with his good buddy Harvey, they would go to the Golden Gate Park and adjacent Panhandle to listen to the free music of that time. The Grateful Dead, Charley Musselwhite, Petrus. He said those were the days, the crowds were peaceful and packed every square inch available. He told us you could get high just breathing the air. The only band he mentioned that I could remember about was the Dead, and I really love their Cherry Garcia ice cream, too! (It’s a joke! I know it should be Jerry Garcia, but what does a Jerry taste like anyway? 😝) 

Still my favorite

I was too young to remember any of this. I had a feeling we’d learn a lot more as the late afternoon approached though. Pops asked me if I remembered anything about my young life with my parents friends and the concerts in the park. Not enough to write about, very sketchy details if anything at all. I was born in 1962 so I was around during the timeframe he was bringing up that afternoon. Pops addressed Mark with, “Your buddy was quite the lovable little tyke back then.” Larry asked, “How’s that Pops?” “Your buddy was the first child born in our group of friends. I think he had more ‘social parents’ than he could handle. And was a funny little guy too. Once he was done wearing diapers, he’d strip everything off and just dance and dance to the music for anyone who wanted to watch him. He never had a problem showing off. He could gather a small crowd.” Larry told him he could believe that of me. And wanted to know more about me as a kid. Pops told us that I started a baby boom soon after with his friends starting their families but he and his wife couldn’t conceive. Having children was a big responsibility and it was becoming difficult for some to be as carefree as they used to be. Larry told him, “So Marcus killed all the fun for everyone, huh?” After I punched him hard on his arm for saying that, I got a, “I’m only kidding, geeesh!” 

Anyway, Pops continued with his story of how he and his buddy would spend their time when they went to San Francisco for the day. He said that the first thing they would do is buy some cheap red wine and put it in a brown bag. And there was this Italian Deli along the way where they’d purchased a big chub of salami, a chunk of cheese, and a loaf of Sour Dough Bread. Bagged it all up along with a couple of joints hidden in his Marlboro cigarettes box, a zippo lighter, and a sharp pocket knife. He told us they never expected to grow old, this was the life they loved and never expected to be like the old guys at thirty, the one year they all couldn’t dare to trust. Their motto ‘Trust no one over thirty,’ but that seemed so long and way off for them at the time anyway. “Maybe you’d like to hear more about those days, huh? Don’t answer, I’ll probably tell you anyway.”

“I have a great idea for us, let’s go buy the same stuff Harvey and I did. I bet you’ll like it.” Of course, we agreed, it’s the least we could do since we missed his birthday this year. Pops seemed on ‘Cloud Nine’ with his suggestion for us, Larry looked to see my expression and smiled at me. He really wants to do this with Pops and me. Me too, I want that feeling too. 

Pops lamented that the days of listening to the Grateful Dead in the Park and getting high was so long ago and something we might have enjoyed ourselves. Then he said, my buddy asked me to go to Woodstock with him back in ‘69. I didn’t see how I could do it, so he went without me. “Oh, you have no idea how torn I was over that, I wanted to cross the country with him so bad, it hurt. We were already 29 years-old in 1969, I had a good job, and I didn’t want to lose it. Harvey was still living a committed hippy lifestyle. He never cut his long hair and chided me often for selling out to the man by cutting mine short. He didn’t mean anything by that, we loved each other as brothers. I really did love him, and I did miss him a lot when he was gone for what seemed like months. He was so free, and I was so not like him any longer. 

“Oh, we talked for years about his adventures across the country. Can you imagine, he hitched across the United States, and got there in time too! His storytelling was spellbinding and horrific at the same time. I think I hugged him for a long, long time when he returned home weeks later. He was a crazy dude, if he lost his life over that, I’d been so angry at him. Part of me always felt that I sold myself out by not going with him though. We grew up together. I’ve known him since we were in third grade, how could I have let him go by himself, why didn’t I just say, ‘fuck it, let’s go’? I can’t change any of that.” Larry and I were mesmerized during the telling of his stories. I’ve known Pops my whole life, and at 16 years-old he became my guardian, but I never knew any of these stories told that day. 

My daddy and Pops were good friends too, they were the same age, born in 1940. It’s hard to picture my daddy as an 81-year-old man though, he was so young when he died. I remember the long hair he had and now I can picture Pops now with long hair too. But as a pot smoking, free-wheeling hippy, it’s a little harder to do. I hope he’ll share more of that time with us. What an exciting time it must have been for them, by comparison, I’ve got nothing. What a boring life I’ve lived. I saw the movie Woodstock, and I loved the music of that time, still do. But to do it live, those are memories I’ll never have. I hope Pops has more memories he’ll share of my folks playing music in the park back then. I do know there was a business connection between them as well as their close friendship.

Pops suggested we go purchase our lunch stuff at Corti Bros. store and head for William Land Park to relive a very special time of his life. He said we may need to purchase a pocket knife though since he doesn’t own one any longer. Larry reached in his pocket for his pocket knife and showed it to him, “Will this one work for you?” “Sure, looks like it son, it sure does.” And then he said, “Maybe you guys should take your jackets and neckties with you, so you won’t need to come back up here later.” As we left his office and walked by his assistant’s desk, he said, “Have you ever seen two more handsome sons, than mine?” He didn’t give her time to respond as he whisked us off for the day. 

AT CORTI BROTHERS MARKET

Corti Brothers Deli Counter

Our driver dropped us off in front of the market and all three of us walked in. I headed for the deli, Larry headed for the sourdough bread and San Pellegrino water, and Pops headed for the wine section. Talk about organized shopping! One thing for sure, we had no intention of wasting time in the store. At the checkout, Pops wanted to pay for everything, but I refused him, it’s my treat today. However, Larry thought the same way, so we split the bill. I was going to question the wine choice but zipped it instead. It was very inexpensive, let’s call it like it is, it was cheap wine, 'vintage yesterday!' Haha, really, I hope it tastes like wine and not grape juice.

As we checked out, Pops requested the clerk for three small paper bags, and was greeted with a, huh? We have plastic bags and big paper bags here. So, he asked for three plastic bags instead and was told it would cost him 10¢ each. He gave the clerk the ‘does it look like that is going to break the bank, look’. Yeah, we’re about to hear something about that outside. We did, but it was disappointment, not a rant. “Fellows, you have to wrap the cheap wine in a brown bag; then you twist the top of the paper bag to cling to the bottle, unscrew the exposed cap and guzzle. That was the fun I wanted to remember with you both today.” I told him maybe we could make the plastic bag work for us, but we might need to tie a knot in the plastic. Larry saved the event for him by saying, “Sharing the experience with you Pops, will be better than the paper bag any day. I can’t wait to do this with you.” Pops said to me, “See that’s a good son, I know how to pick ‘em, huh?” And he reached over to tug at Larry’s beard at his chin, thinking that was a gesture that was appropriate. I saw Larry smile and fake punched Pops on his shoulder. Again, appropriate gesture or not both seemed right at the time. And we were off to the William Land Park not that far away. 

AT THE PARK POPS HAD MORE HARVEY STORIES IN HIM

Our Picnic Spot at William Land Park

Our driver dropped us off near some picnic tables and we grabbed our bounty and claimed the table for our own. Since we didn’t have the brown bags with us, I figured maybe I could help Pops fasten the plastic bags to the bottles. That needed to include Larry’s water, too. Larry had the pocket knife and handled the salami and cheese; as for the bread, forget cutting, we pulled off a chunk for ourselves and passed the loaf around. There was a lots of ‘school boy’ giggling during this part. It was fun to experience Pops history with his best buddy. This is doing us as much good as it’s doing for Pops. I must tell you, after the taste of good Genoa Salami and Imported Sharp Provolone cheese, plus the extra sourdough bread, that wine was not so bad tasting. Maybe you don’t need ‘break the bank’ wine with what we were pairing it with. It wasn’t long before Pops started up with his Harvey memories again. Not a problem, Larry and I were in rapt attention.

“Gentlemen, are you up for more memories, let me know if not and I’ll be quiet.” I told him I loved his stories and Larry did a ‘me too’, as well. But I wanted to know something that hasn’t been a part of his story yet.  “Pops, how close were the two you over the years. Did it ever get physical? If that’s none of business, it’s okay to say so.”

“Oh, we had such a long-complicated relationship, remember, we were just kids when we became friends. I have a feeling you want to know if we fooled around with each other. Sometimes we got a little carried away, it was mostly Harvey I’d say. He was a lot freer with his feelings and a lot more aggressive too.” I told him thanks for going there for us, and there’s nothing he can say that will be offensive to us, so not to worry or be embarrassed about. He said, “I don’t think it’s embarrassing as much as a private relationship I had with him. We grew up together. I bet you don’t know something about people my age; maybe you do.”

I asked him to tell us anyway. “Music was a big part of my generation, I bet more so than yours. When Rock and Roll Music was born, your dad, Harvey and I were only 13 years old. It was so cool having music that belonged to us, and it drove our parents absolutely nuts too! Oh my, how many times I heard, 'Turn that horrible noise down or I’ll take the damn transistor radio away from you.' Sometimes they did too, especially my father, mom was getting used to hearing it I guess.” 

I told both Pops and Larry that I was exposed to live music my whole life, especially early rock ‘n roll, remember who my daddy was, right? Pops said yes of course he remembered, he was trying to have one up on me and laughed. Whereupon Larry spoke up and said, he was exposed to Country Music more than anything else, and still loves the classic country singers. But he only saw Willy Nelson in concert once and became a big fan of his. It’s easy to love Willy!

Pops added, “I brought the music up because it was a big part of my relationship with Harv. We were in our mid 20’s when the Beatles became popular, they spoke for us and we listened to every word they wrote.” As soon as he mentioned the Beatles, Larry couldn’t wait to say how big a fan he was of their music. And he’d love to hear about what it was like living during during that time. Pops told him that he’d love to tell him whatever he wanted to know, maybe we could do that at another time though. Larry agreed that another time would be an awesome treat for him. I have a feeling Larry might know more about the Beatles than Pops, I’m just saying. 

“Men, maybe you’d like to hear more about Harvey and me during our teenage years in high school. We both were athletes and joined the varsity wrestling team by the time we were in the 11th and 12th grade. We practiced a lot at home and sometimes we might get a little carried away with ourselves. Harvey could get a bit horny by the end of our practice and sometimes his hand landed on my privates and stayed there. I could see he was sporting an erection and I think he wanted to see me get one too.” Larry asked him if he did get one; brave Larry is into the stories big time now. Pops said, “What do you think?” I answered, “Of course you did.” “Yes, I sometimes got carried away too. It was okay, he was my best friend, besides, back when we were around 12 years-old, he introduced jerking-off to me. He couldn’t wait to show me what he could make his penis do. I was so afraid he did something really bad to himself as his body was jerking like he was possessed by the devil and something other than pee came out of his penis.” I said, “So that was your introduction to sex I guess.” “Yes, I guess it was.” Again, curious Larry spoke up and asked if Pops tried doing it that day, too. “Yes, I did Mark, it worked just like Harvey said it would, and he didn’t lie about what it felt like at all. Good old Harvey was a good teacher.” And Pops stared off into space and then laughed at the memory he brought up for us. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have brought that up with you.” Larry and I both chimed in with, “Nonsense, we’re all grown men here. What makes you think we don’t have similar stories ourselves.”

Pops added, “Before you think we were fooling around all the time growing up, we weren’t. But we hung around together a lot throughout our school years. I was the one to get married first and he stood up for me as my best man, as I eventually did for him later on. For years, especially when I found myself missing our times together, that maybe I regretted not joining him on his journey across the country to Woodstock. It was easier for him to go because he wasn’t married to Sarah yet, and he never kept a job very long.”

I asked him if he ever stopped regretting missing the opportunity to join him over the years since, although I thought I knew what his answer would be. “That’s a hard question to answer Marcus. Perhaps it was the hours and hours of stories he beguiled me with through the years. Oh, with a joint in hand, he could spin a great story, and I’m sure he rubbed a lot of it in a little harder for abandoning him. It would have been the last time we could have been together like that.” Larry asked if he really felt he missed out right away or is that something that built up over time. “Mark, that’s a really interesting question, it deserves a really good answer. I wish I had one for you. Maybe it is the passing of time and missing him so much.”

I wanted to know how and when his buddy Harvey died; I could sense how painful the memories could be if we took it in the wrong direction though. Pops must have surmised there were questions in the air about Harv’s passing. So, he offered a little, but I’m sure there’s more than what was said. Harv and Sarah moved to Mexico in their late 50’s, became Ex-Pats and seemed to have retired to the easy life. But there was health issues that predicated the move and maybe I’ll hear more one day. I did hear that Harvey never gave up his free-wheeling lifestyle, even after marriage, perhaps recreational drugs were still involved. Pops said it was recorded as a natural death, perhaps his body had come to its final limit. But I know there’s more interesting stories for us to learn about and perhaps how we might fit into the bigger picture. Well, it was in my mind that way.

POPS CHANGED THE HEAVY SUBJECT 

“Marcus, there’s a reason for this visit, and it’s that elephant sitting right behind us. Let me tell you what you’re thinking. You want a change, no, not just a change, you want something more substantial than that, don’t you?” “Pops, nothing gets past you, huh? Yes, and thank you for trying to make this easier for me, I know you will.” “Marcus, son, it’s not going to be easy for either of us, however, there’s always a need for growth, no matter how and when. This had become more important to you over the last year, it was quite evident that the time had come to face me. I wish it were me who faced you first instead.” “I’m sorry Pops, how could I turn my back on you. It has been a struggle, but while Mark was caring for me and I was free from the responsibilities of work, I realized what I truly wanted. I’m sorry Pops, that did not include being away, hours on end, from someone I needed in my life more than myself. This is very upsetting, Pops.”

My Pops couldn’t have been more of a dad than he was that day. He stopped me from a deeper and more painful conversation with, “Marcus, there’s so much I could say to you right now, and in front of Mark too. I understand more than you suspect of me. You might think I’m an old man, a senior citizen at least, but I don’t accept that for myself. Time has moved on without gaining my permission first, if I could reverse that I would. I lost two great loves of my life; I know I’m not alone in this, you did too, and from what I know about Mark, he has as well. I’ve been alone for too many years, son. I lost my best friend at a time that we were finally understanding what we truly meant to each other. Moreover, that rascal has planted himself firmly in my mind, never to be forgotten. And then my dear wife Ginny, passed on not long after Harvey.”

I expressed my feelings of sorrow again, not that it was the first time doing that. Larry was listening intently, and I could see how he was being affected by our remembrances. Eventually, Pops continued with his own story. “To exist, to just survive these losses, I immersed myself into my work deeper than ever before. It became my new love, maybe it was more like passion and it stopped my emotions from hemorrhaging. I’m not sure how I would have made it any other way, I didn’t reach out for help. Obviously, I survived, but that’s a time long past. At one point I realized my dear friend Sarah must have suffered dearly as myself, I was sorry that I didn’t reach out to her better and sooner.” 

Pops continued with his recollections and said that Sarah and Harv moved to San Jose Del Cabo, Mexico when his health was an issue. “How could I not know Harv was ill, I never had a clue though. Perhaps it was something he never accepted himself; but I was his best friend, I should have known something. And now the move out of the country was in the way of ever knowing.”

Sunset at Lands End in Cabo San Lucas

We were told that Sarah and he wrote long handwritten letters to each other often and that she’d love to see him move to Mexico too. He reminded us that he had his own condo in Cabo San Lucas, that he and Ginny used often. She suggested that they could visit often, have dinner, and watch the sun set in the Pacific over Lands End. She has the most perfect view from her balcony, and he said we’d love the view ourselves.

Pops said she’d be celebrating her 80th birthday this year, and he’d love to be there to celebrate with her. So, I’m going down to join her soon, “In fact, I plan on staying in Mexico with her. She said her condo could use a man to do stuff she can’t, maybe I might move in with her and save a drive from Cabo. But you didn’t hear that from me!” He didn’t laugh but winked and beamed a big smile for us. 

I was surprised at the finality and said, “Pops, that’s sounds great for you and Sarah, but it will be strange knowing you won’t be here with us though.” “Oh, don’t you worry son, I have more up my sleeve than a hairy forearm. Remember how I offered you two the use of my condo in Cabo last year for Mark’s birthday, I still own the place and I rent it out once in a while. As I just told you, I won’t need it any longer for myself. It’s time for new owners.” 

I told him I guess that will be one less thing to worry about; might be your smartest move. “Marcus there’s more to this decision. I have the Deed to the Condo in the car with my suit coat. I was planning on deeding it over to you before I left, but I want to amend that now. I want to add Mark’s name as co-owner with you. Please don’t be upset over this, it’s my gift to both of you, let’s say it’s from Harvey and me. He’d approve of the new owners. I’ll have the Legal Department make the changes when I’m back in the office.” Larry got up from the table bench and went over to hug Pops from behind and kiss him on the top of his head. Larry looked too broken up to say much at the time, but the long rocking hug spoke more than the words he couldn’t get out.

I looked at Larry hugging Pops as he looked up at me with apologetic eyes that he couldn’t control any longer. I gave him an affirming nod that he made the right move. As I looked over to Pops, I saw a man, a father figure, who knew he made the right decision at the right time. After a bit, let’s face it, a long almost awkward quiet spell, Pops cleared the new frog in his throat, told us there was a condition attached to the gift. “Gentlemen, there’s one caveat attached to the gift. When you get here, you must let me charter a deep-sea fishing expedition for us, at least one time if no other. And something more, when you choose to visit or live there, I expect a visit to Sarah and myself often. I cannot lose two sons because of my move to Mexico. Besides Marcus, Sarah hasn’t seen you in years, I think she needs to see you both together. Do you remember Harvey and Sarah at all?” “Should I, I don’t think so.” “Well, she knows all about you from the letters we exchange, she will be delighted to meet you both.”

Our afternoon of cheap wine and conversation gave Pops the venue he needed to say the things he’s held off saying for years. I’ve never seen him so comfortable in this role. Larry must have been the catalyst, maybe his presence conjured up Harvey for him. He told me many things I didn’t know about myself. I did find out something I wasn’t aware of at all about Pops and his dearly departed wife Ginny. My parents chose Pops and Ginny to be my Godparents when I was Baptized. Pops never played the card that he was responsible for me when I lost my parents. There was never a reason for me to think he was only doing something he signed up for 16 years earlier. I didn’t know I had Godparents; I had a lot of non-relatives as family though. I grew up surrounded by my parents friends and band mates, I didn’t know how special my relationship with Pops was to be, he was always there as a mentor, not just a parent. Maybe at 16 years-old he felt I was well on my way to my own manhood.

So, here I am getting all verbose on you again, and now I can’t even finish the day we all had together. Not sure there’s anything about what Larry and I were up to later that afternoon and evening that you can’t already figure out on your own. It was a big day for Larry, he got to hear a man, a real father figure, call him son, perhaps for first time ever. And then find himself approved as a partner of mine in the ownership of a condo in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. And then there’s the deep-sea Marlin fishing promise, can this day get any better for him. Well maybe, nah, definitely! It definitely got better!

Thanks, my friends for letting us tell our story to you. (Maybe we can get Larry to finish the story of this day we all had together in the park.) Life just gets better every day when you chose to love each other.

Marcus

Our journal continues with Marcus’s Chapter 76:

https://brosgonerogue.blogspot.com/2021/05/ch-76-start-of-something-big.html#more