CH. 77: WTF Marcus, where did you go?

Hi guys, yes, it’s me Marcus this time. And it’s been quite a while, too. I should at least say I’m sorry for abandoning our Blog for a few months. I’ll try to explain the best I can. It must have been a form of depression I was going through. I don’t think I’ve ever experienced anything quite like this before. There’s so much I’ve been dealing with, maybe I’m not sure just where to start, or even if I should bore you with it. I could try to write some fluff, horny fluff, but I don’t do fluff that well, I was a little fluffy for a while though. Haha. No more now!

One of our long-time readers and one we like to consider a brother, Charlie, has written both of us recently with a concern about our absence from writing anything new. Charlie has made some personal breakthroughs for himself after reading about us and how our love for each other has grown exponentially in the past couple of years. I’m not going to delve into Charlie’s life story without his permission, just know he is a very compassionate guy and I’m glad he likes to communicate with us. That’s important to me and although I haven’t specifically asked Larry, I’m pretty sure he feels the same about Charlie. I can credit both of them for getting me to start writing again and stop the pity party I seemed to have leaned on for too long. Thanks bros!

Where do I fucking start, someplace, anyplace will do, I guess. Frankly, I had no idea how giving up my career was going to affect me. I trusted that my incredible physical attraction and love for Larry was all I needed. And it is, don’t even go there. But I was married to my job. I’m sure there’s a better word than married, but whatever that word is, I was the poster boy. It gave me meaning, purpose, and an almost sexual release. Of course, figuratively speaking. This is not about sex or my relationship with my better half. (Not the wife, my joined-at-the-hip buddy Larry.)

I’ll get to how he’s been dealing with my problem in a bit. I actually really do miss work. That is not what I expected. I expected I’d miss dealing with my Pops, why wouldn’t I, he was my mentor and biggest supporter. I will write an update about Pops in bit too, he’s a big part of my problem, I think. I hope that’s not a cop out of my own responsibilities. I must say, putting an over a 20-year career to pasture, is not easy. However, I’m getting there and there’s been help for me doing it too. Not that I was ready to accept it though. I can be a stubborn asshole when I want to be, and I’m sure I wanted to be. It was the major player in the pity party I threw myself. A party of only one person. Who’d be crazy enough to attend that party? No one, not even the love of my life. He had another party in mind for me. I hate people who say, “trust me” but trust me, Larry put into plan some serious “tough love.”  The big fart was fucking good at it too!  I’m sure I’ll write about that too. Right now, I’m still trying to figure out where this chapter is going. 

Charlie said in a recent letter to me:

As for writing a chapter, I will give you the advice you gave Larry (please don't hate me...) write what's in your heart.  If it is a sad chapter, then so be it.  You are sad.  It is OK to write about it.  That is the way life goes sometimes.  And I guarantee those of us who matter, will be thrilled to read it!  I have been moved to tears by your recent chapters regarding your eye-opening visit with Pops when Larry went with you, to the photo album, to getting a chance to remember your family.  Those chapters were so tender and vulnerable.... I just wanted to give you a huge hug!

I told you Charlie has our back, and he’s the reason I started writing today. He’s given me a reason to stop the pity party. There’s another reason, too, my Noom weight control program was suffering with my depression. I resorted to my former self of eating my sorrow away. I gained a few pounds back and I’m livid with myself. Well Larry is not hating it so much though. 😅

DEALING WITH THIS DEPRESSION THING
I’m not sure if depression is exactly what I was dealing with, however, according to my good buddy, yes, there’s no question that it was. I guess I’ve been through some stuff in the past like this, but I never hung on to it as long as I’ve done this time. There was a time just before our first trip together that I thought our friendship was over and done with; that was pretty fucking terrible to deal with. But you guys know how that turned around for us. I have everything I ever wanted, even if I didn’t know I wanted it, watching my back right now. He wasn’t going to give up on me, not one bit!

It was my choice to retire, or abandon my work life for something better, ha, yeah. Oh, shut the fuck up Marcus. I do go into my “office;” well, it’s really “Larry’s office” two days a week for now. Anyway, it’s devoid of any evidence I was a functioning entity there for years as a businessman. Even the laptop that belonged to the company is now in my replacement’s hands. The filing cabinet is now Larry’s, it got stripped of its important belongings months ago. My desk drawers hold everything you’d expect them to hold, but nothing important, oh yeah, my personal files and such are there now. My three-in-one HP printer is gone. I had to buy another just because and it’s still waiting to see when I’ll print something important. This time I bought one that prints wirelessly, even from another room. It works too. Small pleasures, huh. Seriously, that is pretty cool in my book. All I’ve ever printed are some images I saved from the Internet. No, not porn, I have more than I can handle without the Internet helping for damn sure!

Well as you might have guessed, I don’t spend much time alone in there anymore. Not yet, but I’m trying to think about the place as a new growth area for me. Good thinking Marcus! Of course, I still have my clothes there, and I do visit Larry when he’s working from home. Nothing like a hot cup of coffee or a good neck and shoulder rub from your best buddy, right? It’s the best I feel when I’m in that room. I’d love to see Larry working back here five days a week, I miss that partnership we had most of all. I loved looking up from my work-piled desk and wait for his returned look. It was like we connected psychically, he’d catch me looking at him pretty damn quick and flash the biggest smile back at me. Sometimes we’d stop work for a break, and hugs were always part of that time, too. Sometimes there was a little more; you should know us well enough by now. 
Right now, I haven’t decided to buy a laptop yet, I’m happy with my iPad Pro and it is far more portable than my old office 17” laptop anyway. I’m sitting at my desk today writing this and I’m using the Apple keyboard case I purchased that’s attached to my iPad. I raised my desk chair a little higher to be at a more comfortable typing position. It’s not freaking me out, so far; I’ll see how much I end up writing here today. It feels right though, and my stomach is not in knots at all, plus Larry’s gone at his office in Elk Grove today. Moreover, I don’t want him to know I’m writing at this point, not yet I want to surprise him with a new chapter if I ever get it done. 

LARRY’S ‘KINDA’ TOUGH LOVE
Larry hasn’t written anything for our journal blog himself lately and there’s a reason, a big reason. My poor buddy has put up with my moping around behavior long enough and decided to apply some tough love on me. The poor guy didn’t need to deal with me acting this way. He could have written a chapter or two himself to cover my lagging-ass for me. I know he could have; look how he took over and updated my knee surgery recovery for you. He’s written several chapters over the couple of years and has given you a look at us from the other side of the table. But not while I was acting this way, he wasn’t going to enable me this time, whatsoever!

I knew that my self-absorbed behavior was affecting him poorly and it really was killing me inside. I mean that, however, I kept finding ways to keep from doing even simple things around the place, let alone write about my mental state. I’m smart enough to know what I was doing, but my lazy-ass attitude had reared its ugly-head enough to give me the power to do absolutely nothing about it. Larry knew exactly what I was doing, and he was having no part of it. I could see how he was pulling away from any possible conflict with me and was ignoring the very behavior that was pissing him off about me. That is so not him, and it resonated powerfully, so much so that I was afraid that he’d leave me. Who needs anyone acting like me?

There’s nothing more that I want from my life than his love, affection, and companionship. I was always receiving that, but it became evident that he had enough of my crappy attitude around here. Whether it was the former me, or the newer Marcus in charge of my behavior, I was hell-bound to self-destruction, and he fucking knew it. Without going into Larry’s former life as ‘Mark out of control’ he had a built-in road map to where I was hell-bound, and he was going to put a stop to it, once and for all. Knowing him as well as I do, it’s hard to not get where he was coming from, and I appreciate how he and fellow Bro Charlie took over to set me back on the path we were destined to be on together. 

I must add that at one point not long ago, I actually got tired of me myself! I’d never like to put up with anyone so self-absorbed, why should I put up with me that way! What could it be, a moment of sudden revelation or insight? Perhaps, or maybe I had enough time to finally get over myself.

MY 59TH BIRTHDAY IN JUNE
I had another birthday to deal with, my 59th. Notice I didn’t say “celebrate,” yeah, one step closer to the end of another decade. The best decade of my life and I’m afraid of getting older and not being as strong or healthy as I’ve been. Yeah, I know, this is probably inane thinking, but it’s been creeping into my brain more and more every year. And maybe it could happen? Better not! Anyhow, you might like to know how my day started, well like it or not, I’m going to write about it anyway. 😜

What a way to awaken!

First up, I did not awaken by myself, I had help that morning back in June. It was early and only the dimmest morning light was filtering in through Lisa’s Garden door in our bedroom. However, it was more than enough to outline my favorite guy’s glowing fur. It was hard to ignore because he was straddling my hips and thighs in a death grip. I don’t know how it didn’t wake me up; I didn’t think I was that sound a sleeper. What did get me awake was my nipples being plucked and twisted and almost abused in the most delightful way, especially when he started to suck on them. I’m into nipple play big time! And another thing I noticed was I started to

Really need a caption?

get hard, my dick was not in its normal position facing my feet. He must have move it so his dick could rub up against the under part of mine. No wonder it was getting hard. It’s a good thing too, it gave my morning pee a natural road block for a while. What I liked even more about how he pinned me, our balls were enjoying each other’s company way more than you can imagine. I’m not sure we’ve gone there before, but I’m booking a return trip, ASAP!

He said, “Happy birthday lover boy! Do you like me right now?” Did I like him, ha! Oh, much better than that! I told him I loved feeling him rubbing up against my dick and that he might make me cum. I don’t know why I didn’t mention how I liked the balls action that was going on, maybe it was my secret to keep for a better time. However, he did add, “Have no fear Sweetbabes, it’s in my plan for today!” 

It was very evident I was going to be under his spell and man, did I ever need that! He insisted that we spend the next part of the morning in our giant shower room together and see where that goes. Like we didn’t have a clue, right!  I know what I wanted and he’s getting to be an expert at reading my mind! It’s a good thing we have hot water on demand! Well, we do have restricted flow shower heads installed now, there is a severe drought here in the West!

After he released his hold on me, he insisted that I follow him into the bathroom. But on second thought, I guess, he asked if he could relive the time that he cared for me after my knee replacement surgery. “How’s that,” I asked. “Let me wash and shampoo your hair like I did months ago, I loved how that made me feel.” I kind of gulped a bit, he did so much for me and now he misses that. Yeah, of course I agreed, only after I gave him a big hug. He insisted that we play act it out, too. He placed my left arm around his neck and then his right arm around my waist and we set off to the shower room. Along the way he commented that his arm reached much further around my waist now and complimented me on my continuing weight loss. I kissed his ear and said, “You’re welcome.” It seemed right at the time.

The time in the shower room was a lot like I remembered, as I was trying hard to relive the experience. Where once it was necessity and so welcomed, this time it was a purely sensual act, and he knew it. I knew it, too. What I didn’t know then, I now know, just how much we really love and mean to each other. Two marriages for me, and I never felt this way, never! This is the kind of stuff you do, not discuss. I hope Larry gets back what he needs from me, I think he has and why he’s working so hard to get me out of my funk.

COVID GO AWAY!
Thanks to the new Covid Delta strain that scares the shit out of us, we never left the house and yard; no plans to go anywhere special. Larry planned everything to happen around here. Go figure this, that week my good buddy actually went to the grocery store by himself and bought the stuff he needed without telling me. (In case you are a new reader of the journal, Larry was the guy who never liked to shop. If his wife Ellen conned him into going with her, he’d be the one waiting in the car for her to get done. If that was me acting that way, my wife Lisa would make me wait in the car forever!)

What did I create here? Haha, nothing; whatever he’s doing, it’s all on his own. My best friend Mark has morphed into this wonderful guy, partner, thoughtful and giving and loving and so much better than the one I was pining for over our early years as next-door neighbors. I can only hope I live up to what he needs back from me.

IT WAS A DOUBLE DIP
We did spend a great deal of time in the pool on that Saturday birthday; man, the June weather was more than HOT! I had to turn down the thermostat for the solar heater because the pool was in the 90°s and starting to feel like a hot tub. We both did lots of laps together, no competition, just in tandem, side-by-side swimming. It only continued to get me out of my long funk. I loved looking over to my right side on catching my breath and he was there, right with me. He swims just like me when catching a breath, so I caught the back of his head instead of that handsome face. That’s okay, it was important that he was with me all the way. I bet he caught a glimpse of me when our heads faced the other way. For a guy with all the wrong arm and shoulder muscles for a swimmer, he’s a pretty damn good swimmer. I guess you can toss out all the thoughts about swimmer-type arm muscles. Too bad, that’s only what I have. 

I'll never tire of our in pool antics

As I tired and went for a well-earned time-out, my good buddy headed for another lap to prove who’s the better fit between us. Maybe he did think that, maybe he really is the best fit around here. Haha, I wrote ‘maybe’ twice that’s a laugh; I’ll never be as fit or as strong as him. It’s never going to be a serious issue between us if I can help it anyway. However, never mind any of this goofy thinking, when he returned to meet up with me at the deep end, he had something serious going on for me to check out. I can’t say that I was that surprised, but said, “Oh yeah, so how long have you been dealing with that monster hard-on of yours?” (How could I have missed it, maybe because it plasters itself to his belly, yeah, I’ll go with that.) He responded with, “I bet way longer than you think!” And he laughed and added, “What would you like to do with it?” What would I like to do with it, haha, a whole string of ideas sprung to mind immediately and that’s not the only thing that sprung up on me, too! The only possible problem I had was how long it was going to take me to recover from swimming more laps than I’m usually good for. No worry though, I eventually recovered much quicker than you might think. Maybe my new thinner self was responsible, I'd like to think that.

We spent the next hour or so acting like the guys from a couple of years ago who couldn’t get enough of each other. Maybe it was the depression lifting from me finally, and I bet it was. I needed him to take me. I was ready to be his ragdoll if he wanted that. But what I needed most was him in me, loving me slowly, gently, however, we hadn’t prepared for that yet. But I did have a noticeably needy dick ready for him now, and he used it like the first time he ever saw my hard-on and had my permission to just go for it. It’s been a while since he got that passionate with me, and to be honest with you, he exhausted me! As much as he probably wanted me to return the favor, that had to wait for a while. However, we just hung out in the pool in each other’s arms, hugging and recovering, that was very special for me and well needed. Don’t worry about him though, he got paid back in aces before the day was over.

LARRY WAS FULL OF SURPRISES
I told you he went to the store to buy something for my birthday dinner, and it wasn’t a big fat steak, it was St. Louis-style Pork Ribs to barbecue. He’s the BBQ Grill man around here, has been the entire time I’ve known him too. He even has his own recipe for the dry rub that he uses, too. He likes to keep that a secret from everyone, but sure loves to soak in the compliments after the tasting. He also doctors up a BBQ Sauce but I’m in love with his ribs dry, sauce only on the side, please. I think I’ve discovered what the secret ingredient is in the rub, but I won’t tell him that. (Larry, you didn’t read that here.) I love that he has a secret recipe, and I’d never spoil it for him.

I must report that the ribs about fell off the bone, they were so tender and juicy. If I ever tried barbecuing ribs, I’m sure they’d be all dried out and tough. He always puts a lot of special effort into the making of his pork ribs. He also bought some ears of white corn to BBQ, too. His store-bought potato salad was okay, probably not needed because I filled up on a couple of ears of corn and said the “hell with the diet” and went for the ribs like a ravenous beast. I hate to factor-in how many calories I ate that day, I refused to count, period. I almost hate to say, there were no left overs for another day though. As I said, almost hate.

NAKED POOL TIME
It’s funny now thinking back on that day, we were naked in the pool all day; (Did you really expect anything different from us?) But we did put on shorts for some reason while cooking and eating. After the feast, the growing pressure around our waistbands said take those fucking things off and relax your gut. Even Larry had a little gut showing too. Probably just the result of inhaling too much air while wolfing down the ribs and corn with me. Haha, a gut on him, not so natural looking; on me, well, that’s just a lot of me.

In case your mind went to ‘did the wives come over, or were they invited?’ No, they had plans of their own. That’s been a thing for them more and more this year. They have their circle of girlfriends and hang with them all the time. In a way I’m happy for them, however, you can read that as happy for us more. I stopped feeling guilty about doing stuff without them some time ago. I truly can’t speak for Larry and shouldn’t anyway. But I bet we are both on the same page about this. Besides, I don’t want to hold back on what I might do when I’m hanging with him, especially if they were in the room with us. We do a lot of hugging and impromptu kissing when together. Oh, we’ve hugged each other often when around them, and that goes back right to the beginning of our friendship. I don’t think we’ve ever kissed in front of them, if ever, maybe a peck on the cheek? But I doubt that too. Kissing started a couple of years ago because we both felt it was right, or time, or something. Now if it’s not a pat on the ass as we pass each other, maybe it’s kiss on the fly. Everything we do together now is very natural and not contrived in any way, everything feels right between us. So, as it went, no one helped us celebrate my birthday, just the only one I definitely wanted there with me. Kind of sad that I can’t write a whole chapter on my birthday as I have done in the past, but those chapters were about two guys, neighbors, Bros, finding out about the relationship they were about to get into with both feet. We know who we are now, and we like who we are, it’s that fucking simple, even if its’s boring to read about. Sorry if it is though. Bottom line, I’m one year closer to 60 and I’m in love with the most interesting man in the world. (I stole that line and couldn’t wait to use it one day! Actually, Larry’s a lot more than just interesting, I’m sure you know that by now!)

POPS UPDATE
Pops, my God Father, mentor, and former boss has been mentioned several times in our journal blog. Some of you have made comments about him and probably are wondering what’s his current story. I’ll update what I can and hope it doesn’t bore you. If so, you can always advance to the next bold heading, I guess. 

Pops and I are no longer at the firm he created so long ago. He’s now living in San José del Cabo, Mexico with his long-time lady friend and widow of his best friend Harvey. If you remember, Pops deeded over his condo in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico to Larry and me some months ago. I didn’t go into much of the detail back then because, well, I didn’t have much knowledge to share. As it happens, Pops has been renting the place as a long-term rental property and has had a good occupant living there for years. The gentleman whom is living there is also in his 80’s and a good friend of Pops. I hope you don’t think because the property is now in our lap that we will evict him. We are diverting the income over to a mutual account we have and will decide what to do with it in the future. Perhaps it will be needed for repairs, updates, or just as insurance for whatever. Pops has a great rental agency doing the work for him and now us, too. 

In case you are wondering ‘have we gone to Cabo to check on the place or Pops?’ No, we haven’t yet. Travel by air, sorry that sucks and it worries us as well. Right now, is not the right time to be visiting the area, that’s a Winter place to visit as far as I’m concerned. As to the condo, we have agreed to let the occupant live his life out there. I’m not sure if Pops ever told him of the ownership change, but my gut feeling is that he hasn’t at all. Perhaps he has taken the opportunity to visit his renter friend now that he’s only a few miles away.

This last update on Pops is not my favorite and is part of my problem mentioned at the top of the chapter. I have been FaceTiming him often and of course everything is fine according to him, just ‘peachy keen.’ I think I know what that means even though I’m not of his generation. He always asks about Larry and wishes he would FaceTime him more often. Really, do I need to be a little jealous here? Haha, I don’t think so. Since Pops opened up to us about his good buddy Harvey and the relationship they had, perhaps it’s a lot easier for him to express himself with us now. Oh, it was super evident that Larry and Pops hit it off much better after that office meeting, we had together some months ago. It didn’t hurt that Larry was yearning for a father figure in his life as well; not that he was vocal to anyone about that, it just became evident how easy it was for them to relate to each other. Maybe I should remind you that Pops has seen Larry and Ellen at my home often over the years. However, I don’t think I’ve ever noticed anything except polite social behavior between them. If you were to ask me, and I don’t expect you to, I believe that Pops acceptance of my relationship with Larry as partners, opened the door for him to be free to be himself with us now. And I will add that Larry is hard to ignore when he’s in the same space with you. There are some people who age gracefully and then there’s Larry who only gets hotter looking! Man, if I could bottle whatever that is about him, I could stop trying to sell the Golden Gate Bridge. Haha.

Back to where I was going a minute ago, Pop’s lady friend Sarah has also written to me and warned me about Pop’s failing health. The man is 81 years-young and has always shown a strong powerful front to everyone, especially me, too. But I fear the time that will necessarily come one day, it just bears down on me and I’m not ready for that. At least he’s spending the time he has left with a very dear friend, and I bet they’ve had some long, wonderful moments remembering the past they all lived and shared together. I’ve seen the pictures now and trust me when I say, they really knew how to have fun. It’s oftentimes strange now to think I was alive and a toddler at that very time with them in the sixties. Pity I don’t remember much but I should be glad I wasn’t a damper on their fun when I was around them. I wonder, between all of us, if I was the first one to get naked or did, I just join in with their fun. I do have memory a lot of naked people at times, and now I have the pictures to back it up! Haha. Sometimes I think maybe I was born too late; those old pictures Pops gave me really were filled with the happiest looking people I’ve ever seen. It must have been ‘peachy keen’ living in the 60’s. And then I think about the war in Vietnam and civil rights fights, and then I think again. Maybe you shouldn’t go back, just make today the best it can be. Amazing what looking through an old album will do to your mind.

LARRY’S COMMUTE UPDATE
If I take long enough to finish this chapter, I’m bound to have new news to report. Today something happened for my sweet buddy. I don’t have all the info yet, but he talked his partners into letting him work from home every day! Hallelujah and amen to that! Talk about an instant mood ‘kick in the ass’. Wow, what great news for him and of course, me! Actually, he did travel to Elk Grove for a couple of days, but the plan to work at home again starts on Monday. Perhaps the new Covid strain had something to do with the policy change, or maybe Larry laid the law down for them. I know he’s been bummed out as much as me on the commute and time away from home. Perhaps before I finish this chapter I’ll know more or maybe I’ll suggest that he picks up how he pulled it off in a chapter that he writes.

To say the least, there are two ecstatic dudes living the dream in Granite Bay now. In fact, I’m scrapping tonight’s dinner plans I had for a celebration out at a good restaurant. I’m so excited, I don’t know where to go just yet, but I think he deserves the biggest fucking ribeye steak in the place, hell, I’ll forsake my diet for a steak as well. Back to the veggies tomorrow. I’m going to need to stop writing right now, I’ve got something important to do with Larry. Use your imagination, okay. Really? You can’t figure this out after knowing about us by now? I’ll pick up where I leave off here for the next time I write a chapter, I have a feeling we’re booked up for the rest of the day and night. 😘

Thanks for putting up with my absence from the blog, I’ll try to be good from now on. 

Marcus.

Our Journal will continue with something by Larry I bet when he writes it!

He has now, here is the link: https://brosgonerogue.blogspot.com/2021/08/larrys-15th-post-marcs-better-half.html