CH. 78: Marcus, Always the Deep Thinker

Hi guys!

First, a quickie wrap-it-up; let’s just ignore the crap I put myself and Larry through on the emptiness of giving up a long career, that’s history. I really didn’t think for a minute that giving up my very long career would affect me as it did. I truly wished for more time to be free of the time and business-related pressures I’ve dealt with for years. My lap swimming pool was my quiet office, back in my high school teaching days a bike ride was my quiet office. So, I’m used to finding a place to handle whatever was occupying my head at the time. The effect of worksite emptiness was my undoing for some weeks, I should have known this was coming. Go figure, I could handle everything thrown at me, but this was from left field. Anyway, I have a handle on this now and my at home support team of one, that you know and love, has my back.

So, my dear friends what will I write about today? That could be a problem since we are so fucking ‘home-bound’ it hurts. But it’s the most prudent way forward during this pandemic and from it’s detractors that refuse to listen to good advice, even in our progressive state. 

The fires are getting closer to us, but not a physical threat except for breathing unhealthy air. Lately our iPhone Weather App states the ‘Air is Unhealthy for All.’ Thanks for reminding us to bury our asses inside more than we have been already. So, on that cheerful note, (sarcasm), let’s delve into the continuing saga of ‘Marcus Loves Larry,’ or vice versa. Really? There must be better stuff to write about than that. Oh, you bet there is! (Unabashed promotion of Chapter 78.)

Well, there’s that conversation I had with Lisa recently. Yup, I had one, a doozy, too! Writing about my babe Larry is a given, and then there’s his ‘Joe the Pool Guy’ connection which seriously tickles me to read about; will it be in here, probably. Sex? If it pops up, why not! Especially if I’m my normal horny self while writing; I’ll have no choice. Well, that ought to give me plenty of plot ideas to get started. However, there’s one thing that Larry has been doing when writing for the journal that I gravitate towards upon seeing it in his headings; it’s when he goes back in time and presents another view of whatever I wrote. Not that he desires to challenge me, although that wouldn’t stop him; sometimes it’s just another angle of the story to consider. I’m happy to see how you guys have supported him on that feature.

So, I might just use his technique in this chapter, too. There’s plenty of material I could call upon from our history together. I know there are situations that I skipped over in lieu of more erotic material. Maybe I could fill you in on some of those areas. Anyway, it’s just my plan for now; we’ll know by the end of the chapter if it worked.

STARTING WITH MY BABE, WHY NOT!

Before I get to what I’m thinking about to write here, a quick word or two about Larry’s fascination with Joe’s peculiar to us, personal attribute. I get a rise from reading about those two; it’s a sexy read from Larry and gives you a chance to see the evolution of his old Mark into the new Larry. Fortunately for me, most of the time I get to experience it first hand.

For the record, I am not jealous in the least bit over the two of them; Larry and I are solid. However, after reading what Larry wrote, I am disappointed in myself for not understanding how I was treating Joe around here for years. That was a shock to read. I thought Joe and I were good friends, not besties, but certainly more than just a client/server business relationship friends. I’ll try to fix that in a way not to step on the budding and cool friendship they’ve been forming. I understand the effect a guy in my former position may have had on business people I’ve dealt with over the years, and I appreciate the level of respect I’ve always received. But that level of distrust shouldn’t have happened between Joe and me, that’s wrong. If Larry hadn’t written about it in the journal, I’d never have known about it at all.

Since I brought up Larry, I’ve been stuck on reading and then re-reading a part of his last chapter. Maybe some of you have, too. I’m struck with the power he placed into his words this time. Maybe I’m mostly responsible for that. Or perhaps I’m just grandstanding the situation for myself. However, I was acting like a complete asshole over the effect my retirement had on me, and I know it now. One thing about the two of us over the years as ‘best buddies’ on up to ‘best partners’ we have become for each other, he’s never taken a power-trip on me like this. If so, I don’t remember, and no jokes about my advancing age and possible forgetfulness, too! Okay, if you must, but please keep it to yourself!

I’m delighted, (I’m not sure that’s the best possible word to use), that he did tell me when I crossed the line. I abused line privileges that should have been known by me; I have no ready-to-use flimsy excuses for that. I wonder how many times in my life that I was guilty of crossing some important line unknowingly; I can only hope this was the first. But you don’t know everything about me yet, (do I even know myself), just the good shit I come up with for you! Haha, besides that’s more fun to write about anyway. 

WHAT ABOUT MARCUS

The ‘Marcus’ that I have written about for you over the last two years now, is as naked as he gets to the real me inside. And not just an approximation of that nakedness, he is the real me that was so scared to exist openly. I’ve done a great job of hiding him for a very, very long time, and not only to the world, but perhaps myself more than anyone. I’ve been successful in keeping him locked up inside me for safe keeping until the right person or situation came along. Consider the ‘Bros Gone Rouge’ journal blog as my perfect situation, and you already know the right person.

Back a couple of years ago, I received several requests from the new readers of my new short story BGR chapters. They were asking me about what happened to the two of us after we came back home. I doubt seriously if I really knew fully myself until it became a reality to deal with.

It became quite evident to me our new readers were really interested in these two guys and were intrigued enough to hang around to see how or what happened to them. The one thread I picked up on in these received messages, they knew Marcus and Larry were based on real flesh and blood guys, this was not just some disposable paper-back fluff. Marcus and Larry certainly were characters and unleashed fucking horn dogs, too!

I didn’t fully expect that I had enough writing skills to keep me consistently interested in reading my own words for more than a story or two. Okay, let’s get this real Marcus. I do have business writing skills. I’ve written business briefs, employee manuals and Corporate Law Practices that could put anyone to sleep hyped on too much ‘Red Bull.’ But could I continue to write ’real guy’ erotica? Maybe if it still turned me on while writing it. (Like that’s a hard thing for me.)

I’ll admit to you, when I started writing these stories, I was unsure about how I’d handle talking about the sex between us. I had zero experience writing about that and if you think Larry was embarrassed reading about it later, try how embarrassed I was writing about it! I scrapped more attempts at the sex portions than any other part. Eventually I just told myself, fuck it, write about it and go back later to see how it reads. That’s the only way I moved forward until I got comfortable writing about it. Or maybe I got so horny, I couldn’t stop writing about it. That’s probably the truest version.

Writing in journal format was challenging but not too hard. I’ve written a diary style journal in the past, only difference, I never showed it to anyone, and I never went back to see what I wrote. Obviously, I didn’t keep up on the writing and it became one of those rarely used apps on my iPhone and iPad. However, after the blog took off, I did go back and start using the ‘Day One App’ once again for only reference notes I might need one day.  

As I set out to communicate about us to everyone except for my buddy, (I’m shaking my head in disbelief I did that to him right now), I chose to write everything in real time, I never had a fucking clue how the end of any chapter would be like until we actually lived through it. It was a writing method I was trying out and trusted that I wouldn’t go fucking crazy doing it that way. But there were times! 🤪

Finally, when I committed myself to writing a continuing journal about us, there was no question about it, my real identity was to be hidden, period. I was committing my inner self to print. Retrievable print, forever print, the print that could take a humongous chunk out of my ‘business ass’ and go for more. At least I thought so.

This plan worked beautifully for months. I worked at home, no one around to bother me or see what I was writing. Sometimes when my workload was too heavy, I stayed up and typed until 2:00am or until my eyes just got so blurry, I couldn’t see the screen any longer. This was working out beautifully until Larry and I went for a week-long camping trip to Big Sur, CA some months later.

Can you imagine what our collective minds were like as we started planning a second get away trip for a whole fucking week! We’ve been trying to get alone time together and apparently here it comes, 24/7 alone together.  The potential for journal stories were a writers wet dream. But as you know, my buddy has no idea of the journal at all yet, and I don’t know how he’d react to so many stories of our sex life together. We had stopped hiding from each other, yeah, sure except for the journal I was writing that stripped him bear naked and broadcasted our every effort to have sex every time we could. I made this problem, and it was my job to fix it somehow, and that was the scariest thing for me.

TRACKING BACK IN ARREARS IS NOT TYPICAL FOR ME

I’m sure that I haven’t written much in the journal about how the result of our coffee chat over my dream camping trip shaped the next few weeks of my life. I’m trying to trace back what led up to the creation of this journal version of our blog for you that hopefully wasn’t already written by either one of us to date. For one thing, it took more than one meeting between us to come up with an action plan of going on a trip together without the wives in our tow. This seemed to create more dialogue than we’d figured upon.

I noticed Mark’s attitude, or maybe it was his buoyant new personality, it radically changed virtually after the first coffee discussion we had. Soon after I began to hear from him almost daily and then constantly thereafter. Don’t think for a moment I didn’t log this behavior as a positive for what was going on in my head at the time. I remember him saying that he just about drove his wife Ellen crazy with all the talk about the camping trip we were planning. I hadn’t seen this kind of excitement from my best buddy ever, at least not that I can remember. I can safely say that he was downright giddy with excitement. It was infectious, too. How could I not join in with the excitement of getting away again with my best friend. Just the idea of being away from the home, wives, To-Do’s, was liberating if for nothing else.

Just to remind you, the past few years had us backing off from always spending available free time together, even if it was just a couple of hours of chatting over coffee. There were times when we’d go for a couple of months without a coffee get together. It was always blamed on work, but I was sure it was deeper than that, I just didn’t know exactly. After a while I lost interest in wondering what anymore. For me, I was fucking bored and tired of his lame excuses why he couldn’t get away for even an hour for coffee with me. I just stopped asking him. Today I know why that was going on from his writing in the blog. Talk about getting blown away and feeling sadly great at the same time.

Mark and I had returned to our most goofy selfs once more. We hadn’t acted this silly in years. It was so much fun to have my best buddy back again. However, this new version got me to thinking he was exposing a side of him that he successfully covered up for years. I was dead sure of that because it sparked a new hope in me.

In the few weeks that remained before our get away, I started to daydream about Mark once again, hell, he was in my night dreams as well. However, the changes we were experiencing gave me that little extra push I needed to make this our new reality. I knew now that it was ‘fish or cut bait’ time. My buddy was way too excited about this thing to be just about a fishing and camping trip between buddies. I was going to make it as easy as possible for him to come clean with me, I was convinced there was something else he desired more, and I had a good fucking idea what it was. Time would tell.

I knew almost immediately I would need to do something that I never did with him before if my plan was to work. I didn’t know exactly what yet, but that wasn’t going to stop me. Mark had changed and I did too, now I had to make it mean something. He always thought I had been the crazy ass dude between us for years, that was public record for him and our wives. So, I figured, why not think that he might wish it would be me to reach out to him in my crazy ass way. I settled on that thought and trusted my gut for it to be right.

So, in those remaining weeks prior to the trip, and beyond the simple preparations needed, I filled my mind with possible scenarios. Yes, I finally decided that sex was the thing that needed to be on the metaphorical table. I really needed to get this fucking fantasy out of my head, if it turned out bad, maybe the fantasy would die as well. But if it turned out good, now what! Okay this caused me more restless nights than a bowl of hot chili before bedtime! What’s the chances? Fifty/Fifty? Either way our lives were going to change forever, I was pretty sure, too.

Something might happen that perhaps could give me some first-hand knowledge to write about once the trip was over. (I expected to get some material for my proposed short story. This is where I should be laughing my ass off uncontrollably!) There’s no question in my mind now, that what happened in his truck that morning after breakfast was premeditated by yours truly. Actually, it was an act done on the fly, not something I had given great thought to at all. If anything, it was way tamer than what was occupying my mind most of the time. Haha! I can only admit to that something was going to happen before we reached the cabin, that had to be my plan otherwise the cowards in both of us would still be waiting to pull off something. 

If the ‘ice’ wasn’t broken in a way that was unthreatening by one of us first, any other attempt at a forced sexual interaction could have resulted in big consequences; I’m sure of that. There was a very good chance I’d come back home with some story material, but it could have had a very sad ending to a great several year friendship. It’s easy to say that now that it’s a couple of years later, I know how it turned out. However, if Mark gave me the ‘red light’ in his truck on the way to the cabin, well you wouldn’t be reading Chapter 78 like you are. It takes two to tango, right.

HOPEFULLY MORE THAN OLD NEWS

I hope I’m making this recollection of mine more than just a rerun of old news for you. I started a few short story drafts right after our coffee date, frankly, they stunk! I tried to concentrate and write about that erotic dream, but it was fading from memory quickly. I should have made a few quick notes, hindsight at work here. That didn’t stop me from writing newer drafts even more boring and barely sexy. Let’s face it Marcus, where was my first-hand experience with hot sex with a guy? Where? When? Try never for a fit. How do I write about what I have no experience with? Well, there’s always my imagination, that really sucked even more! You have no idea how close this journal came to not happening.

Anyway, it was good for our future journal that these new boring drafts weren’t deleted, they became starter chapter ideas to go back to later if I came back with some real experience. Yes, as you know I did come back with material, fuck, my material had material. I finally had some real experience to draw from now. However, some of that material was too scary to even think about putting into print. Oh, but I wanted to do that so badly before I forgot anything, too. So, fuck all of that scary thinking; this greenhorn did start writing my short erotic story soon after coming home. 

The story got a lot of rewrites along the way, and for good reasons, too. I had this rational fear bugging me; what if Mark finds out I wrote about us for real, not just some faceless dream characters. He already knows I was going to try my hand at writing a short story about two best friends camping alone together. My dream was mostly erotic for what it was, but that trip we had together was a lot more than mostly erotic for these greenhorn dudes. I was driven, compelled to write, and then write more until I filled several chapters. I tried to disguise us the best I could, you wouldn’t believe how hard I tried to do that. Oh, I was grossly under prepared to come up with a realistic description that even I could believe. Finally, I came up with my plan, it was a simple plan, too. I wanted to remember everything just the way it was so when I get old and lonely, I could dig out my drafts and relive a wonderful moment of time in my life. Eureka, that’s it, this is my story, I can do what I want now, and no one will ever read it but me!

Do you understand now, my short story was now my personal ‘dear diary’ it was going under lock and key, no one was going to read this, ever! How could I do this to Mark my best friend, now beyond just ‘best friend.’ I didn’t ask his permission to put him into my writings, however, I did give him a new name to protect his privacy if it ever got out from under lock and key. I even tried to make him look different than he does for real. But how could I and still get turned on, it’s Mark, everything about him excites me. That’s it, end of story, lock ‘er up! My buddy Mark is back in the story as is, period!

Yeah, he leaves me breathless!

But that wasn’t the end of story. I kept going back to editing and re-editing, (I had no idea how bad my grammar was going to be yet.) No one was going to read this, so I began to make my ‘Larry’ more real at every turn, much more of what Mark looked and acted like. I now wanted more than fantasy for my lonely reading years to come, I needed ‘everything’ Mark, not one false thing to wonder about years later. Maybe this answers why I didn’t need to create my ‘Larry’ with a big fucking dick or deeply rippled abs, or only having a gorgeous hairy chest, as he desired, instead of furry all over; that wouldn’t have been him. What’s gorgeous about Mark is a lot more than a hairy chest, fuck, I have a hairy chest, lots of guys have a hairy chest; no, he is the poster boy for an all-over gorgeous man! I wasn’t going to ignore that he is ridiculously funny at times or that he gets emotional and watery eyed with the best of us. None of that can be written out of my story, none of it at all! Yup, this is going under lock and key for sure! I guaranteed myself on that! Yeah right!

SO, WHAT HAPPENED? WHY ARE YOU ABLE TO READ THIS JOURNAL?

Perhaps we are getting into familiar territory now. I was so proud of how the short story was evolving. But whom the fuck can I tell, whom can I trust with the content. If my characters are just imaginary, no problem; no one gets hurt, just my fledgling writer’s ego had a chance of getting a brutal bruising. That’s okay, I can’t call myself a writer anyway, if it gets panned, I’ll stick my tail between my legs and go back to a sexy fantasy world. It certainly has served me well so far. 

My dear friends, you know your ‘Marcus,’ did you think he’d really tuck his tail and find a place to sob his troubles away, (How’s that for a third person sentence!) if you did, we need to talk! The more I re-edited the Prologue and First Chapter, the more in love I was with how it was turning out. However, as I stated, whom can I share it with? Well, there’s this UK Tumblr site that I ‘borrowed’ some images to represent us. I thought, what the hell, let him know I’m using some of his images, all he could do is say, “No Sir, do not use them.” But I wanted to use pictures for my story, and I liked what picked out. And then my inflated ego told me that maybe if I asked him really nice, that maybe I could send him a good draft of the first two chapters to read. I have no fucking idea why I thought that this guy from England named ‘David’ would want to do that and then let me know his reaction. Talk about a leap of faith for my writing abilities.

As Larry loves to say: “You know what?” David was good with me borrowing the pictures and was okay with me sending him a copy of my two chapters. I thought for sure I’d be waiting forever for his reply and that he might just blow me off as well. If he did, then I sucked at writing erotica. David did not leave me hanging, not even for a short while. He was enthusiastic about my story and through a few letters of correspondence between us, he told me that if I put this online, he’d provide a link for his many Tumblr followers in the UK to check out. I finally had someone to tell I wrote something I was so proud of and scared to let my best buddy in the world know I did. How fucked was that?

I’ve mentioned before that the help from David exposed my blog to the world in such a big way. The first weeks online it got noticed, but just barely. A few hundred hits and then it exploded, we got 10,000+ new readers in a week, and it kept on growing. I think most of our new readers were from Europe, only later did the USA catch on. Now what do you think was going on in my head? Thousands of new readers were interested in Marcus and Larry now, who the fuck can I tell? Not Larry, not our wives, certainly no one in the office. I don’t know anyone I can tell. This is madness, I didn’t expect to be an unknown writer in my own physical world, but online I’m now the giddy guy. I hoped fans would write me or put a comment on the stories and they did. Now I have friends to talk too. I can talk about my love for this awesome man, but I can’t tell him because I’m frightened that I’ll lose him over this. Yeah, this is fucked up!

LARRY COULD ONLY BE IN THE DARK FOR SO LONG, REALLY

The one thing that frightened me most, early in the trip was not that Mark would find out there was a journal blog that he was a starring in; I got over that before the trip. I surmised that was going to be a fact to deal with eventually. It was more about the logistics; how I could write daily about what was going down with us before I’d forget anything, or worse getting caught by him writing. I was committed to you guys and the heightened mood you put me into at the time. You guys seemed to love reading about two old buddies dealing with our so buried sexuality. Oh, you must know the last thing I wanted was to stay up and write after he was asleep. I lived for the moments I could fall asleep in his arms or him in mine. Fuck about getting up and writing about what was going on with us. But that was hard to do, I wanted both, greedy bastard I was at the time. You guys were the nourishment that allowed ‘Marcus’ to bloom, I was head-over-heels in love with you readers already. I loved being with Mark like no other man ever. I began to realize soon that before the trip was over, I would probably be in love with him, and one day it will need to be fixed. You, my dear readers of the blog, made me love and accept myself for the first time. However, Mark was really turning into Larry, and he erased my fear of a pending disaster between us over the blog every minute we were together. 

My decision to tell him about the journal had been written and published was in the Big Sur Chapters. No need to rewrite them from my point of view and Larry has written his views as well. I hope I gave you a little insight into what I was going through at that time. I’ve taken chances quite a few times in my life, these actions scared me the most. Obviously, we all survived the period, and moved on to bigger and better things.

Well, this is a good spot to change the subject, I guess. If you want to know more about how Larry found out about the blog, read the Big Sur Mancation chapters 25 to 34, it happened there. Spoiler alert, he didn’t clobber me when he found out, but did reserve the right to change his mind later on the clobbering if warranted.

LISA AND I HAD THAT “TALK” NOW

Most of our readers know that my wife Lisa is a very successful business leader in her own right and has been for a very long time. Business-wise, we’ve complimented each other and provided an equal balance of power in our home. Mark always referred to us as the “Power Couple.” The result of our union was independent wealth and back up for each other often in Sacramento. I personally think we’ve traded a ‘normal’ personal life for this and I’m not sure who works harder between us. Okay, that’s changed for me, former news. We both worked hard for this life style, there were no winners or losers in this house. Perhaps upon reflection though, a lonely couple of people lived here. Again, old news. Happily, the only constant here now, we still have no winners or losers, however, loneliness is not a factor any longer.

I prefaced the above for the new readers of our journal blog, that are trying to put all the pieces together before committing to drilling down to the original posted chapters. Lisa and Larry’s wife Ellen worked hard to get the two of us back to normal when it looked like we were having no part of that any longer. Let’s face it, every time Mark and I got to spend away time together, they were mostly responsible. Even the time we had together onboard the cruise ship was because we planned their afternoon away from us at the Spa. Okay, so we planned that one ourselves.

They both know that Mark and I are way more than just friends now. I know Lisa has no problem with that, but I’m not really sure where Ellen’s head is right now. I’m just trying to lay down a foundation for what I’m about to write next.

Perhaps it was the meeting Mark had with Ellen that sparked interest for Lisa to have a special meeting with me as well. We are an amicable couple, it’s how we both want this to be. I know that the wives are living as a couple next door. Larry knows that as well, how he is dealing with that seems okay to me. But we are human males, quite capable of internalizing our deepest feelings where they can fester and grow larger than ever needed. But I don’t think that’s my Larry on this.

Whereas Larry and Ellen met at Starbucks, Lisa invited herself to our backyard for the talk. It happened on a day when Larry was still working in his Elk Grove office. I made iced tea for us, Larry and I are the only real coffee drinkers here. And then we settled down on my office deck for the chat. But not before I got a big hug from her. That’s new, maybe a trick she picked up from Ellen? No problem, I like hugs and that was cool, I guess.

Lisa wanted to inform me that the relationship between them was escalating to the next level faster than she expected. She wanted to know for sure how stable Mark, and I were as a couple; could we handle their arrangement as it headed for permanency. As I’ve always told you, I don’t like lying, however, I’m not opposed to massaging the truth somewhat, a rearrangement of the wording, but I wouldn’t call it lying. I didn’t feel the need to rearrange anything for Lisa. I’m proud of the relationship I have with Mark. (Don’t get confused with the Mark/Larry shit! Mark belongs to them; Larry belongs to me. Oh, oh, now you’re really confused; it’s the same guy. Now do you see why I haven’t told you my real first name?)

I told her I’m totally committed to Mark; we are perfect for each other, and I expect it to remain that way. She reached out to put her hand on top of mine and said that made her feel good. She was worried that I could be alone if it wasn’t working out between Mark and me. Lisa said that she was a little concerned on how Ellen was handling the changes she sees in Mark. Mark has done a complete 180° on almost everything and that she thinks he might have some anger issues internalized. I told her that I didn’t think so that he is totally committed to me as well. Perhaps he’s more concerned about how she was handling the changes we all are going through. I also told her I’d talk to him to see if there was anything going on to be concerned about. I was aware of an immediate sense of calm come over her after saying that.

LISA COMES CLEAN

Lisa is one not to beat around the bushes when she wants something. She asked me straight out, was I a gay man all the years we lived together. Is that why we had such a dismal sex life together. Putting it out there like that was fucking insulting to me and I told her so, in that many words. She immediately backed off from that approach and apologized. Okay, now I could give her a suitable answer. I told her that I’ve always been attracted to some males, and that Mark was my prime example. Lisa and Ellen both witnessed how Mark acted around me when we were all together. Acted as in choice of comments only. So, I told her, “No, nothing remotely gay happened with him or any other man in all the years we have been together. Not until we went to the lake cabin and Big Sur, and you know about that.”

I told her how she and Ellen always brought up how Mark and I could fixed ourselves. I confessed that the fix was permanent this time and we have experimented with our sexuality. She told me that they suspected that, and thought we knew that too. I told her not really but figured our changes would spark concern by them eventually. We tried to keep it under wraps for everyone until we knew more ourselves. 

AN ASIDE TO FIXING EACH OTHER

I believe my wife Lisa was the first to coin the phrase about us, “You fix each other.” However, Larry and I have both referred to this statement often ourselves. What did it refer to? If you asked our wives, perhaps it was our uplifted moods upon returning to them. I doubt anything more was suspected and shouldn’t have since nothing happened anyway.

I can only surmise for my babe; perhaps having a friend to confide in and trust was enough. I knew that was an important feeling I got out of our meetings. If I was to reach in deeper, a territory that Larry should address himself for you. Perhaps I could take credit for his attitude change on being a hirsute hunk of a man. I’ve known him long enough to witness the comfort level changes he made when in my company. As to myself, having a friend outside of work to hang with and just being a regular guy, was awesome in my book.

In the couple of years since our camping trip, it was eventually Larry, not his former Mark who was responsible for my attitude change, (read as fix), on something I had no command over, but feared being embarrassed by. I read something he wrote recently on his own penis attitude, it was so simple and so fucking genius, how could I not adopt it for myself. It was funny and an accurate assessment, especially designed to address my asinine attitude about my own dick. I actually copied his words and placed them in a private folder on my iPad to remind me to ‘grow up’ any time I return to my old thinking. This is the passage I’m referring to from his last chapter.

“So, I guess I have a grower problem too. I never knew that before; it’s just a dick. Sometimes it got put away when I didn’t need it. It’s not a grower problem, it’s a solution. It comes out when I need it and it gets really hard when I really want it to, what’s the problem?”

Couple his thoughtful words with the affect of my weight loss has on my new dick presence, (you can always ignore what my naked dick looks like around Larry though), I think I might be over this ‘grower’ whine of mine finally. I hope. Just stay away from gym locker rooms! I didn’t just say that!

If there was nothing else, these things would be good enough for ‘fixes.’

Still a little miffed (little my ass), about her comment about a dismal sex life as only my problem. I laid it out for her for the first time ever, (okay that was my fault for not doing it earlier). Sex with me was never a real thing for her, it was a something we might get to do because it was expected from married couples. There wasn’t a single moment in the last several years together that was spontaneous or exciting sexually for us and she knew that. I knew that, eventually it was why even bother.

I could see she was following me and not setting up a line of defense at all. But that didn’t stop me from emptying my gunny sack on her. I blamed our work, her commuting, and then her long bedtime routine. (My bedtime routine, drop boxers hop in bed. Okay brush teeth, pee and then drop boxers. Get it right Marcus!)

Watching her face and eyes, I was getting that I had a winning argument with no counter argument coming, that was unsettling. So, I began to smooth out the dialog somewhat with we have always been happy together otherwise. But there was one little annoyance still wanting out of my gunny sack. Struggling for sex just wasn’t worth the effort any longer. I could take care of my own sexual needs myself and I expected that she did herself as well.

I said all of that as matter-of-factly as I could, no emotion or anger, other than being miffed at first. Why didn’t we have this conversation years earlier? Might have helped but fate had other plans for me and Mark, it just took time. I held back from asking if she was gay herself during our marriage. After all she and Ellen have had a relationship for a few years already themselves. There’s no reason to bring that up, what would it prove, that I’m a petty guy! No thank you. I’ll agree that the sex was dismal, and I’ll take my share of that blame. I did say share. However, I told her sex was not dismal for Larry and me, not in the least. It is an important part of our life together. That garnered a, “Well it is for us too.” Good everyone is having great sex finally.

THERE’S ALWAYS A REASON

There was an underlying reason for the visit and chat that day. More than curiosity or concern. Try ‘need’ on for size. Apparently, there’s a business function Lisa needs to attend with her ‘husband’ the one everyone knows and has met on several occasions. Now, there’s no reason to deny her that request which will come in a minute. We are in fact still legally married, and we certainly respect and like each other. My gunny sack is empty now, so there’s seems to be no grief either of us are carrying around; so, I have no problem here. But there is a glaring golden opportunity staring at me though. I asked her, “Will Ellen be attending the event.” She told me, “No, not really, but I haven’t discussed it fully with her yet.” So, I asked her if she would consider talking Ellen into going along. Smart wife knew where I was taking this now. “So, you want Mark along with you right?” “You know I do; besides, I’d like to see how Ellen handles being with him in these situations.”

Lisa thought I was being a nasty ass on both of them, period. I told her not a bit, I’d get his permission first, she could work on Ellen’s permission. Nasty ass my ass! I wouldn’t do that to him unless he deserved it! Haha. If anyone deserves it, it would be me not him anyway. 

She eventually told me this was a ‘black tie’ event and that she liking my new thinner look, but I better get my tux altered or buy another one in my new size. I took that very well, she in her own little way just handed me a nice compliment on my weight loss. That was unexpected from her in this conversation, but nice to hear. And she was right, my tux is old now. It once fit my 240+ pounds, (I’m not telling you how much more the + refers to, it’s embarrassing), now it needs to fit the new 200 pounds or less of sexy hunk! Haha. Oh, come on guys, Larry can’t always be the only “Hunka Hunka of burning love” around this joint! 😂

Our meeting resulted in that she’ll ask Ellen if she was up to another formal business function and that she’d need to ask Mark to join her. Lisa warned me that she had no idea how Ellen would react to that kind of formal arrangement right now. I told Lisa that I’d talk to Mark and see if he would consider going along with the idea. And I added that I didn’t think Mark would care that much if I helped her out of these situations at times. My babe knows where my heart resides; besides, he might get a big kick out of the deception the four of us might still be able to pull off. We all would end up in the proper beds by nightfall anyway. What’s the problem? No prob!

Don’t think this meeting wasn’t worth every minute it took. It’s continuing to clear the air for us and let us know we still have each other’s back, but in different situations now. At this writing, this is all I know. Maybe next time I write a chapter, I’ll have more information to write about.

GETTING LARRY ONBOARD WITH ME

I covered Larry with everything that went down with Lisa, asked if he’d like to join me even though he’ll be with Ellen. I might have pushed harder on my request for him to join me thinking he’d not want to go. Wrong, he jumped on it, wondered where, and when. Said he’d love to pull this off with me. I wondered if he really understood that we will need to be seen as married couples with our wives again. I’m not worried, he has changed so much since we’ve been together now for so long; he has this as much as me I bet.

I also brought up the black tie and tux needed thing with him. I tried on my tux trousers with him watching and found that Lisa was right they are too big now and I should buy something that fits. Larry asked if I was going to buy my tux online or in a store with tailors. I guess either would work there’s plenty of time before I need one. 

I don’t always know who the guy I’m living with is sometimes. Larry requested that we go shopping for one downtown Sacramento and then get it fitted properly. I suggested going to Walnut Creek to shop at Neiman Marcus. Larry never heard of the store and had two comments after I told him about the place, “Oh, that’s sounds expensive for something you hardly wear, and Walnut Creek! That’s far from here, what’s wrong with Sacramento?” “Good points babe, I’m sorry for liking Italian Designers and I don’t think we can find something I’d like here.” I finally noticed what his facial expression can look like when he thinks ‘bullshit’ is coming his way. “Marcus, tell me you didn’t pick that place because it has your name in it.” And laughed at the silliness of his comment. And then, he asked the important question, “So buddy, just how much are you willing to pay for this new tux?” Oh, this was a dynamite setup question, and I could imagine his response if I really tell him what I expected to pay. I was tempted to gloss over the cost as something inflation might have affected the cost. But no, Larry is not someone I want to keep in the dark. So, I gave him my best guess. “Babe, I don’t see how it could be much less than a couple of thousand, maybe a little more.” I got the longest stare from him ever, seemed forever in length before he blurted out, “You’re fucking crazy bro! We need to check out Macy’s Men Store, there’s one in Roseville.” That was it, done with the conversation, his head still shaking in disbelief as he walked away to the office. “Babe, that’s it, just walk away. No further discussion?” Larry stopped walking and turned half way around before speaking. “Sweetbabes, get serious, okay? I’m sorry but you don’t need to impress me with designer clothes, and I’m really sorry to remind you, you’re not a big fucking honcho any longer.” 

I expected no less from him, it’s okay I totally understand where he’s coming from on this. However, I needed to bring him into Lisa’s and my world for my next comment. “Larry please come back for a minute, it’s important, please sit with me.” A reasonable request that was honored without question. “Babe, you need to know something about Lisa.” He came back with, “I know how Lisa controlled you, so what’s so new now?” I refused to try and diagnose his comment and forged ahead anyway. “Babe, this is about Lisa’s possible promotion, I’m so sure of it. She hinted at a Senior VP position was in the works for her; good for her. She expects that I’ll stand by her as if I haven’t stepped down from my role. I can’t just wear a black suit and pull it off. People, well she expects more from me.” I had a return engagement with long stares once more. Oh, he has learned a lot from me! Keep your mouth still until the opponent crashes the stillness. But I’m the instructor, I know what he’s doing. I just stare back into those gorgeous sapphire eyes of his, and smiled a little, not a lot, just a little. The stand off continued just a few more seconds and he caved. “So, you want to invest a small fortune to make her look good, huh?” “Yes, I do. It’s important to her. But please don’t think I don’t understand where you are coming from, okay? Because I really do. Although I hope I impress you more than anyone there.” “Sweetbabes, seeing you fucking naked is all the impressing I’ll ever need. So, when are we going shopping for your expensive tux?” “Maybe after I’m finished being naked for you?” Laughter ensued for real.

Maybe my ass will finally look good in some trousers now that he has been training me to build up my glutes. He actually likes shopping with me and now for clothes, too. I’m not sure how this happened but Ellen will be pissed if she ever finds out. I think its wonderful that I have someone in my life who really gives a shit about me, how I look and how I feel. Pinch me now to see if I’m dreaming. I can’t wait to go tux shopping with him, hopefully in Walnut Creek, it will be a nice long drive together. I think it’s about 100 miles away in the East Bay Area across from San Francisco; a good hour and a half drive without bad traffic. 

Trying for a visual point here

Larry won’t be needing a new tux though, his always looks fucking awesome on him. He definitely had his tux tailored to fit his body. One notable thing about Larry’s frame, he is not the typical ‘off-the-rack’ kind of man. Well, that’s unfair to say, he can wear almost anything off the rack but for suits or shirts that fit his upper body or ass properly, requires some tailoring. I’m the one who can buy off the rack and now its not from the Big and Tall Store anymore. See, that’s exciting for me, thanks NOOM!

When I get to put my arms around him, and yes, I can, easily. I’m reminded of what hugging the trunk of a mighty oak tree must feel like. He might think he’s a tad thick in his middle core, but it really is a mighty oak’s core. Guys, please forgive my attempt to have you visualize Larry’s beautiful furry trunk with a sturdy oak overlay. If you get that I’m trying to let you imagine a hard and solid upper chest, then, yea! However, if it looks like he developed a horrible skin condition, whoops! My bad. It’s all done with love, though.

See I can 'poke' fun at myself too!

Okay Larry, I’ll try to make up for that sad attempt at humor at your expense. I’ll attempt in my humorous yet self-deprecating sense of self, to give the guys what I think about my own core.  Mine must have felt like a soft Balsa Wood tree for him. I was going to suggest a sponge rubber tree, because that goes back to my ‘Poppin Fresh Dough Boy’ days. Now I’d like to find a tree description for myself; but mighty oak, no, only one mighty oak lives in this house. How about a lean Willow Tree. Okay, bad choice, lean and willowy, yeah right, that’s me alright!

SPEAKING ABOUT TIGHT ASSES

I don’t think either one of us have written much about the two of us getting back into exercising much beyond the nightly walks or swimming when there’s little smoky air to breathe. Over the months we’ve been living together, we’ve slowly moved his exercise equipment out of his garage into one of our larger spare bedrooms. After Larry noted about his thicker than normal middle, he got motivated to change that. Imagine a guy who couldn’t gain weight for years, is now trying to lose some. Don’t think he really looked overweight though, I think it’s just a little middle age spread. Oh, I’m getting my ass in trouble for writing that! 

I’m working out more and following Larry’s plan as my personal trainer. If I didn’t see the progress I’m making, I’d have some choice words to write here. However, I reserve the future rights to those comments one day. But I bet they’ll be better than what I’m currently thinking about! 

Exhibit A: There's nothing 'elephant' in this picture!

To address the 'elephant' question in the room, “Yes we do.” Haha, haven’t a fucking clue what that means huh? You must be a new reader. Yes, we work out as we were created, naked. If you had the chance to see Larry naked and exercising or clothed and exercising, which would you choose? Now think carefully, it’s a loaded question. No, it’s not! Naked always rules around here. However, if you need a good visual example, notice ‘Exhibit A’ here. Can you ever get too much of naked furry Larry? Is that even a question! I didn’t think you’d hate seeing at least one workout photo without a jockstrap. BTW, it would be a crime not to expose those shaved heavy low-hanging balls of his; don’t you agree?

Anyway, he has me in there working on his stationary fitness cycler and occasionally some free weights. Plus, some nasty glute exercises, (yeah, for my butt workout) and I’m already noticing some improvement. (However, I do have an over-active imagination though.) Or maybe it’s just the result of my weight loss that is having an effect on my looks somewhat. If you ask Larry, I don’t have an ass anyway; so, don’t ask! Compared to his cute bubble butt, I certainly don’t compare at all; however, he’s making me work on that now, so, at least he might stop saying I have a flat ass! (I do though.)

Are you really looking at the jockstrap? 

Anyway, back to the topic I planned, when we are using the heavier free weights, Larry has me wear one of his many jockstraps, of course he wears one, too. Ignore the contradiction in the Exhibit A: photo. If anyone other than my babe suggested that I wear one of their used jockstraps, I’d probably turn around to run and never come back! So, the idea of wearing one of his laundered jockstraps, is okay huh? I’d even wear one of his un-laundered ones just to smell his musk. Crazy huh? Just another affect he has on me for you to know about, I guess.

In case you are wondering if that’s my cute hairy ass in the picture, have you really forgotten who’s the furry blonde guy living here? Larry often reminds me that we both do have beautiful manly balls, and he’d like to keep them that way! BTW, to let you know one more tidbit about me, I normally hate jockstraps, I’m almost willing to take my chances. Talk about itchy uncomfortable shit to put around your manly balls! Yeah, I know, it sounds like I’m a fucking wimp. I’m sure there’s someone out there reading us will have a brand or type of jockstrap you’d recommend to me. Well, for me; Larry doesn’t seem to have a problem with them. I try hard, haha, no, I’m a just fucking wimp; my boys are used to being free range balls allowed to breathe naturally!

WHERE’S THE OBLIGATORY SEX?

I should be horse-whipped for letting you wait this long before the ‘man sex’ part you’d expect from me. I’m going to tell you a little story first. Oh, come back here, it’s not a long story… I hope. I have spent a few days recently rereading some of my hornier chapters, yeah there’s a lot of them in here. Hey, I had to wait through my first 56-years to get to where I am today; maybe you can wait for another minute or two?

Anyway, there’s this wonderful thing that happened to both of us during the Covid-19 period, that resulted in our mutual decision to continue our living together arrangement. You’ve more than likely read many of our recent chapters leading up to today, where either Larry or I wrote about some of the events that faced us. Color those words with us being scared to death we could lose what seemed to take a lifetime to achieve, and maybe you’ll understand what I’m attempting to capture in words now.

I don’t know how to explain this, but I’ll try. When Larry and I were both living our ‘hetero married life,’ and after the original trip to the lake, sex was infrequent on all fronts, as I have referenced often in the journal. Frankly, how could we expect otherwise, it took careful sneaking around and that was cheating, plain and simple, and we knew it.

Now don’t get the idea at all that there’s anything wrong with our sex life now, it’s only gotten better. I can never have too much Larry, and I bet he feels the same way about me. That’s going to be a given. No, it’s something way different and not the sex whatsoever.

I’m almost at a loss to explain how I feel; that’s a mouthful of truthfulness you’d never expect from me I bet! How do I top any story I have written for you from the last couple of years of loving him and discovering what sex and love was really about. That’s what was hitting me below the belt during the writing of this chapter. I was skirting the eroticism I love writing about, but knew I needed to face it sooner or later, guess which I chose. Easy guess huh?

I chose to reread several important chapters where it was evident our love for each other was growing and the sex was the hottest we’ve ever experienced, period. The result, as you must already know about this Marcus side of me, I got the hardest damn boner yet. And of course, I wanted ‘you know who’ to help me out. My dick almost matched what his boner generally looks like; it got so hard it started to point upwards and turned a lovely shade of purple. Okay, almost but not really, I’m just back to being super horny writing this part for you. Maybe that gives you a little clue, I hope.

My life as well as his has changed forever; there’s no shame, no embarrassment, no covering up anymore. I get to lay naked beside the most gorgeous hunk and sexiest man I’ve ever seen. Hell, he gets to lay beside me, the newly emerging sexiest Italian hunk in the house! Don’t think I’m not going to milk my weight loss, because I am at every opportunity available. How do I write something newer or sexier between the two men so into each other yet seem as hot as it was in our discovery period? I don’t know for sure any longer.

Are there some new moves, positions never used, shower sex better than ever before, other than my "HOT" new body to enjoy? (See I put it in there again), I don’t think so, but I’d hope so. Do I feel the love more intensely, of course. Does the sight of Larry’s naked or fully clothed body still turn me on, what do you think? My dick has enjoyed a magnificent new life in the past couple of years, and I can report that Larry is not a slacker handling this department at all. I hope he feels the same about me.

The life I’m living now… yeah, that’s what I’m struggling to define. I’ve never been in this situation before. I thought I knew love and affection and I thought I knew what sex should be like for me. I lived a life experiencing the above and thought that was all it was ever to be. And it was for decades. A low bar as it turns out. I discovered that sex wasn’t everything I imagined it should be so, I found a way to fix it all by myself. That turned out to be the best sex I ever had. I imagine most of you guys know exactly what I mean, too. 

When I my laid eyes on my sexy new next-door neighbor for the first time, I couldn’t get past his intense blue eyes. Wow, never before and never since, has any other guy come close to what I viewed from just a few feet in front of me. When I got past his eyes and on to the rest of him, I knew immediately there was more to life than I was experiencing to date. He could have just grabbed my balls and said let’s fuck, that’s exactly the feeling I had to deal with, yet not a word by either of us suggested that was going on in my head or his. Yet it took almost eight fucking years to achieve that for us. Yeah, talk about sad reality! 

Today every living moment we have together or even apart, every discussion or opinion variance, is accepted as who we are and not really contested. Not like living with our wives. We don’t try to strong arm each other into only our position. Time will tell if that ever changes, however, based on living with the other sex for so many years, I can safely guess it won’t change in the foreseeable future. 

What’s going on here Marcus, what’s the deal I’m struggling with? Nothing. Life is a dream when you love someone so much. I bet there are multiple millions of men and women in this role, I bet there are many gay couples in this role as well. Writing about this love is more difficult than writing about getting your dick sucked for the first time, the surprise of how wonderful it feels, the visual shock of seeing your best friend shoot a load over you and finding it surprisingly fascinating to watch. Yeah, that’s easy to write about, that is until you’ve seen it and experienced it yourself often, and desire to keep on seeing and doing it, and then you think, I’ve said it all by now, I’m just repeating myself in lieu of something deeper and more meaningful?

Now the sexiest, hottest thing I think about non-stop, is not how either of us look or function in bed or wherever, it’s the deep love we feel for each other. The scariest thing is the fear that something could happen to end our union tragically. I don’t know how to make that sexy, or have I done that for you. Only you can tell me. I’m at a loss at this point, I don’t want ‘Bros Gone Rogue’ to get boring to read. I’d hate to think that introducing a third of fourth man into our bed would be what it takes. I know Larry has written about how Joe’s unique dangling male body part has gotten into his head this year, that’s just a fun thing to write about I bet. We both enjoy seeing Joe comfortable with us as he has been this summer. Or for that matter, being comfortable ourselves when he’s joined us as well. Do I see a future Joe in bed with us, NO, absolutely not. I’m not into sharing my babe at all! Sorry, if you hoped so though. I haven’t had a conversation like this with Larry, and I’m not pushing for one either. I seriously doubt Larry would want to consider such a conversation, too.

Some of you dear men have written us that you may have come for the hot sex but stayed for the love story unfolding in every chapter. Obviously, we have too. Have we become better lovers for each other? You bet your fucking ass we have. Have we both stepped up how we perform in the bedroom, or for that matter, any place we’d like. Ditto on ass betting. Okay Marcus, wrap this up. I don’t know how to write about our sex life together as any hotter than what I have previously. I’m sorry as hard as I try, it reads like I’m trying to impress you with how awesome we are in bed. (You ought to see us in the big shower room, we’ve both written about that often enough.) I don’t know, maybe its just me. I wouldn’t want to give up one minute of my time with him. We really are a couple who deserve to be together, and sex is finally something we don’t need to beg for or just go jack-off alone. Sex is just one part of a much bigger picture of our love for each other. I never experienced anything like this in two marriages. I can’t speak for Larry, maybe he will be motivated to write something himself However, knowing him as well as I do, I can go on record believing he feels the same way as me on this. I’m on the receiving end of his love, as he is of mine, and it’s as genuine as it could be.

Okay, another marathon chapter before I find any hot pictures to use. I believe I’m just making up for the weeks I went into self-pity and hiding from the world. As my babe often states, write me if you want, I have learned so much from you guys. And my dear friend Billy, I hope you give me some of your thoughts once more. You’ve been an awesome guide for us.

Love you guys big time!

Marcus

You can read Larry’s new Chapter 16 with this link:

https://brosgonerogue.blogspot.com/2021/10/larrys-16th-post-whos-horniest-me.html