Larry's 19th Post, Can't Get Any Better Than Now

Hi guys it’s Larry again, I hope you are not too disappointed that it’s not Marcus writing this time, okay.

Marcus has been writing a lot lately but it’s not for our journal. He’s writing stuff that he wants to be in his business class next semester. Don’t ask me, it’s nothing I could explain good enough anyway. Besides it would be all boring to read anyway but I didn’t say that, so you didn’t hear it from me. Hahah. But he’s not only writing he’s been making digital paintings on his iPad too. Now I can talk about that because I like the kind of pictures he paints. He’s really great at making paintings of the woods and other landscapes with water that doesn’t need to be explained to me. I’m really happy that he’s doing what he always wanted to do now, and I won’t bug him about writing here in the blog until he wants to again. Besides I love writing stuff for you guys and I don’t mind doing it at all. Can you imagine me saying that back when I wrote my first chapter, huh? Thanks to you guys for giving me lots of love and support, well I better say that Marcus does too big time.

I think I know what I want to talk about this time, so I’ll get to it for ya. I guess you know that I took time off from work again, this time for me and not to care for Marcus when he needed it. I am at the point of deciding if I go back to work again or just plain quit for good. I mean I liked what I did for years in my job, like really well, but IDK if that’s what I want to do for the rest of my working life. Man, that sounds really weird to me now. Like it’s got an end coming anyway even if I don’t want it to end. Like I said, IDK.

I really like staying at home with Marcus now, I mean I really do for real. It’s nothing like it was with Ellen at all. Maybe going to work when I was with Ellen was easy because sometimes I just needed to be away from her. That must sound like I didn’t like or love her, that’s not it at all. I just needed that long-ass commute to get my head clear before work. And the same for coming back home. I mean I didn’t love the shitty traffic or the assholes I was on the road with, but it just gave me some alone time. I guess you might know from what you’ve read about us by now that I thought about Marc a lot when I was on the road. Even back when we were just neighbors. I don’t remember exactly what I thought about him back then, but I bet it wasn’t about jumping in bed with him. Like he was the guy I admired so much and maybe I wished I was more like him but didn’t have a fucking clue on how to do it.

Funny how I don’t need the alone time anymore. I love the us time Marc and I have together so much. Really I do, and I don’t miss the commute anymore, I don’t need it and I don’t want it ever again.

Ya, so I’m pretty sure I’m gonna quit for real this time. It’s time and I can be replaced by my partners I’m sure. We have lots of talented people in the firm that could be promoted to do my stuff. Besides they have people who replace me when I’m gone anyway. 

You know, (I gotta find something else to say other than “you know”, maybe you don’t know huh.) I love everything I do around the house now, not like when I was living next door. I mean there’s nothing wrong with my own house, just that Marcus doesn’t live there. I love living with Marcus so much. I guess those of you guys that have partners or husbands you live with might feel the same way too. Sometimes I wonder if it annoys him that I’m always around, but I don’t think it does at all. I love doing things for him, like cooking and I never had a problem before just cleaning stuff. Man, there’s a lot of stuff here that needs cleaning too! I don’t know where all that fucking dirt comes from, but it shows up a lot. I used to just make breakfast for us but now I like making dinner too. Go figure Marc would love anything I could make other than bbq a good steak or ribs. But now that I actually eat rabbit food, I don’t mind making that too. I bet you think he twisted my arm into eating that stuff, but he didn’t. Maybe I grew up finally huh? I actually look at the videos in YouTube for ideas for food. And I bought us an Air Fryer recently. Man, that’s a trip to use. I love it, and it’s so easy to clean too. There are so many videos on YouTube on how to use it. That’s where I got the idea about buying one for us. Sometimes I think about me when I’m cooking in the kitchen and wonder what Ellen might think if she could see me making dinner for Marc and me. I bet she’d be pissed that I never did anything other than fire up the BBQ. Well, it’s all I really knew how to do anyway, and I still do that here. I’m still better on the grill than Marcus, sorry Sweetbabes but I am, and you know it. That’s okay it’s never been a competition that I knew about, just bragging rights, and I do love to brag about it!

Oh yeah another thing that’s kinda a permanent thing around here. I actually love shopping for stuff with him, another thing Ellen would kick my ass about too. Since I like to cook for us, I like shopping for stuff too. I know I like Costco but mostly for the sample people, but man everything comes in big sizes there. We have a walk-in pantry in the kitchen but it’s kinda getting outta control in there. We need to use up the stuff we’ve been buying or it’s gonna be out of shelf life. And our freezer is a nightmare to find shit now. I’m not blaming anyone other than me, I buy too much stuff and then forget I have it. Man, I bet I sound all domestic and boring now huh? Remember when I was the super horny guy here! I am you know, just because I’m writing about being all home boy doesn’t mean I’m any less of a horn dog like Marc likes to say. Maybe if you’re lucky I’ll write something to prove it for you, only if you keep reading though. Hahah. Could be you know.

SOME THINGS ARE FINALLY GETTING DONE

You probably are wondering how some of our projects are doing around here. My woodworking shop is done enough for now. I made it easy to move my stuff around and I have a lot of my stuff on pegboards now too. We bought a small bar refrigerator just like Marcus wanted and two stools not just one. We can just sit and have a cold drink while I discuss the project I have in mind. I have some really cool burls and walnut wood I want to make into a small table for the covered patio. But Marcus still has some ideas on how the outside of the shed should look so that’s still a project too.

I’m working on a floor plan for the media room now, and Marcus likes what I suggested too. He’s the artist around here so he will design how it looks on the walls, you know the colors and designs. He says it’s gonna be Art Deco, and I say "huh?" Sure whatever. He’s the boss, I’ll figure out how it goes together. One thing I learned about my best friend, things around the house don’t get done very quickly. He takes his time and makes sure it’s what he really wants. I get it so I don’t push too hard. Besides I have better ideas of how to spend our time together anyway. Hahah!

I know one thing for sure, it will be a projection system because I want a big ass fucking screen, like a whole wall screen. Marc says he will make it look like a real theater with big curtains on the side that look like they would in an old theater. And I told him I like red so please make some things red, maybe the carpets or the chairs. I don’t ask for much, but I like red. I also know something else; the chairs better be lounge chairs and I want a lounge couch in the back so we can make out like horny teenagers. I’m fucking serious about that one too! Okay is that too much information? Nah, you know us by now.

I KNOW YOU WANT TO HEAR ABOUT THIS

I have some stuff I want to write about this time, but I know from what you write me that Joe is kinda important to our story. Well, it’s been too cold to spend any time in the pool lately and because I’m not working and up early, we kinda missed seeing Joe a few times. I feel really bad not having a hot cup of coffee for him but staying in bed with Marc kinda is more important. I’m sure happy Joe doesn’t know about this blog! Hahah. 

Joe has been here a few times when I was up and running so I invite him inside for coffee and to talk. Lately, it’s been about his kids getting back into school and what they all do together. For me it’s so nice to hear, for you, maybe not so much huh. I do know that for Joe and me, we are getting really friendly and kinda close as buddies. I’ve told him more stuff about me only because he is asking more questions now. He knows about my addictions and how I’m over that shit for years now. I’d never tell anyone about that stuff before, but somehow Joe is a lot like Marcus to talk to. Like he always seems to care about me, not just looking for stuff to talk about. Anyway, maybe when the weather gets better there will be more to write about. Right now, it’s kinda PG rated. Oh well, sorry if you were expecting something horny to read here.

SOME STUFF I NEVER TALKED ABOUT YET

Maybe you remember from a chapter a long time ago, Marcus wrote about Joe our pool guy and Aldo his grounds keeper. I do talk about Joe a lot now but not about Aldo. Today I’ll talk about Aldo. Of course, it’s impossible not to run into him since he’s here every week. This place would be a wreck without him. Really he is amazing with the shrubs and plantings. I give him plenty of space to work because, well because he doesn’t seem to like what Marc and myself have together. Oh, he never said so like it sounds, but I know how he treats me when I’m around him. Aldo and Marcus go back a long time like with Joe. Aldo’s wife helped him in the yard and then was a housekeeper for them before Covid when she had to stay home with her young kids.

Aldo always wonders why Lisa is not here anymore but I am. I know Marc had talked to him, but it was about how much better it was for the two of us to be able to work from home in his office since it was set up as a remote office a long time ago. I guess that worked for a while but, I’m always here now and Lisa is not. Aldo must have figured it out by now that something is really not right here. I get the creeps just watching how he reacts around me, so I stay inside most of the time. I’m not gonna be responsible for Marc to lose him because he doesn’t approve of how we live together. It’s probably just his religious background, I get it. I don’t like it, but I get it. I don’t like feeling that there’s something wrong about me and Marcus or that we will get married one day. I bet Aldo and his wife won’t be invited to the wedding. Probably! Oh, you can bet your ass, I’ll have something to say about that anyway. Personally, I don’t even care if there’s a big wedding thing anyway, maybe we’ll just go see a judge and get it done privately. IDK, I’m not gonna worry about that shit right now.

Marc has been talking about getting Aldo’s wife, Maria Lourdes back to being his housekeeper here again. Covid is kinda getting to be something we are learning how to live with, and her kids are back in school. Ya but we talked about this a long time ago when we started living together and loving our privacy around the house inside or outside. Marc didn’t want to have a day where she was in the house for hours and hours and we would need to be decent around her. I agreed, me too. I loved doing whatever we wanted and if we wanted to be naked we got naked. Well, still do unless its dick-shrinking cold time. But now that we’ve kinda got that outta our system, maybe we can let her do her thing and we can get our asses outta the house for the day!

I hope that doesn’t mean that we don’t need that kind of privacy less and less because I’m gonna say something if it does. I’m not ready to give up being the guy I never was before because I really love my life now. I hate hiding now for real, I hate even pretending that the two of us are only working here because it’s practical, and that I have my own bedroom here even though I do really have one. You know, I never once slept in that room yet, and I don’t plan on it either. Funny thing too, if you looked in that closet you’d see all my clothes that I brought over here, still hanging in there and never been used. I wear Marc’s clothes, kinda weird huh? Ya think maybe he wanted to see what they looked like on a really great looking body. I’m kidding, or am I. There was no way he could have fit into what we are wearing now back over a year ago. I’ve been thinking about asking him to donate his bigger clothes to charity. I don’t think he’ll ever want to get back to wearing his bigger old clothes anymore.

There’s a big practical thing sharing clothes, washing, and putting them away couldn’t be easier. None of that, “hey, that’s mine, not yours” shit gonna happen. Beside, Lisa bought his clothes for him, and man does she ever have good taste! Maybe that’s why I like wearing his stuff huh? I’m pretty sure when Marc saw his smaller clothes looking good on me, it had to gave him the idea of losing weight. It makes sense to me because I never ever told him he needed to lose weight or that he was too heavy. What Marc looked like never was that important to me. It was what he had inside that I fell in love with. I think you guys now that about us.

Writing about this stuff brings back old memories sometimes. Like never seeing Marcus as being overweight. First of all, he wasn’t that overweight anyway. He’s the kind of guy who gains weight all over, not just his belly, (Like I did to myself. Don’t worry I’ve got that under control now too.) Marcus was a lot thicker back then than he is now. That’s how I saw him, not really that big. I thought he was very manly, and it was a turn on for me. I like big guys, you know that. Today Marcus looks the best he probably has in years, yes, even though I liked him thicker, I really do love how he looks and acts now. Especially that I know how much he wanted this for himself and how he found the way to do that is perfect. I can live with his boney hips but I’m still gonna get that flat ass of his rounder one day! (I'm gonna hear from him on that comment. It's not that flat!) But I’m so happy for him. Maybe it’s payback for all those years he worked on my head to accept what I looked like and how much it meant to him. I’m sorry that it took so long for me to believe him, but I do now and it’s the reason I can just be naked with him around the house or yard. I’m finally free to be myself and I’m reaching out to others like I did with Joe. I don’t know if you understand what free feels like, because so many people probably have never experienced that for themselves.

MORE OLD SHIT I REMEMBER

Ya, talking about this stuff brought back the looking into our eyes while talking thing about us. You know there was a reason for that when we first met so long ago. I know that we have both said it was how we knew we were being real to each other. But I know something else I never talked about before. I can now since what we have together is very real and very secure.

When we first got together for coffee back then, we did talk directly to each other. None of that looking away from each other while talking, you know like looking at your shoes, or away because you might show your real feelings. Those things didn’t happen for us, but what I was doing was to cover myself right from the start. First reason I guess was I loved his big brown eyes; I do mean big ones too. It was like looking at a big puppy dog you loved so much. I hope he doesn’t think I mean he was puppy dog! His eyes kept me from looking at everything I loved looking at on him. I liked his hair color especially his trimmed beard, I never trimmed my beard like him until I met him and liked how it looked. I liked how he sat when we talked, and I liked his kind of clothes too. I found the easiest way to not get caught looking at him like that was to just look into his eyes as we talked. The best part was he just looked back at me and didn’t just start looking around or at me. Oh, if he was anything like me back then, he was looking at me when I wasn’t sitting in front of him having coffee. Like for me when he excused himself to go to the men’s room, I got all the staring at his backside I needed as he walked away. I wonder how many people watching us caught me staring at him. Knowing Marc as I do now, I bet he was just as guilty when I got up to use the toilet too. We certainly never left together though. Besides that’s a guy thing anyway, and who’s gonna watch out for our coffee or things on the table if we both left for the men’s room anyway.

I don’t know why I just remembered that, but it was true at first. It only took one day having coffee and looking into his eyes that I knew there was something special that was gonna happen between us. No, not anything like we have together now. I just knew I was gonna have a real friend with him and I loved the feeling. Marcus was the first guy in my life that I can remember really wanting a friendship with. You know, I wanted more than just a good friend after we went back home. I still don’t mean it was anything sexual though. Although, he worked himself into my jack-off fantasies really fast. But that was so secret and never to be mentioned ever! And it wasn’t for years too. I think the next time we got together, maybe it was with the wives, I knew for real, I wasn’t the only one liking the idea of best friends now. We used to crack each other up with joking around; go figure, me and this really important business dude were having a great time cracking jokes and having belly laughs together. Wow, and why? I was so not in his league, and it didn’t seem to matter to him at all. Ya, that’s how it started.

It’s kinda funny how I look at stuff now that I’ve been writing here in the journal for a while. I’m not super educated like my buddy, no desire to be anyway, but I’m a lot wiser than I was before I started writing. At least I think so. I get a lot more stuff now than I did before. Maybe because some of you really cool dudes have been writing me back too. I learn from you guys too. Marc has never used his education to make me feel any less than I am. I mean we both have graduate degrees, even though he has more of them than me. I’m not really the guy that lived under a rock all the time you know. Although sometimes I think maybe I did kinda anyway. Hahah. 

It was important for me to learn how to accept who I am and what I looked like, but I’m way passed that now. I never knew before that I didn’t have a really good feeling about being smart enough to make a difference. Does that make sense? I have always thought Marcus was the smartest guy I ever met. Like really he is, and he’s not full of himself too. For him everything was because he was lucky enough. But he really worked hard for everything he got or has. I know how hard it is to try and get what you really want. I have lots of things in my life that taught me that. It took a lot to get clean and then sober and educated, and a whole lot more too. But I never thought I was very smart in anything other than what I studied so hard for in college. 

Writing is something I’d never think was gonna be in my future. Besides I really sucked in my English classes. Maybe you kinda figured that out on your own huh. Hahah. Every time I write a new chapter I wonder when I’ll ever get as good as Marcus with words. I think I’m better now than before and maybe I’ll get even better one day. I know I use a lot of slang when I write mostly because that’s how I talk anyway. Old Marc told me to be real as a writer and people will like me. They won’t like me if I’m being fake with you. Well, I hardly know how to be fake anyway. I wish I’d get better at grammar and how to use punctuation. Sometimes I get two or three paragraphs without errors, and I want to celebrate, and then the checker hits me with a zillion errors in the next several paragraphs. Oh well, that’s old Larry for ya. You should be happy that I spend two days fixing all the errors it finds for me. At least it doesn’t yell at me for all the slang I use. At least ya gotta know how I’d sound if I ever talked to you huh. I have a secret though, don’t think Marcus is so proper around me, I think I’ve rubbed off on him too. Man, when he gets on a roll about something he’s passionate about, you oughta hear him. I guess we are blending into each other more all the time now. I love it when Marc gets to be himself around me, but if he started to write like he is you might think it was me talking. Hahah, that’s so fucking cool! Okay maybe only to me.

I WASN’T READY FOR THIS YET!

I got a call from Ellen the other day that surprised me. She told me that she talked to our kids recently and told them about how we we’re separated and were planning on getting a divorce and I need to talk to them, especially my son since he said he wanted to talk to me. Wow, I knew this day had to come one day but maybe much latter. Anyway, since we are planning on getting married this year, it’s time to make things right. But I felt my stomach go all the way down to my feet all the time we were talking.

Since my son is older and married maybe he is more concerned about us than my daughter is; she kinda wrote me off a long time ago, and I can’t blame her. Even though I’ve been clean and sober for years now, the hurt I caused my family was too hard to forget for her. I was a terrible dad and husband and a great dumbass drunk. Now I know the harm I did was through words and being absent when I was needed. I’m not a violent guy and wouldn’t hurt a fly when I was drunk, just a guy who didn’t know when to stop drinking. One beer was too much because after that beer, I could drink myself stupid. I had to know that when I was drinking, but maybe I never cared enough. Ellen was always there for me over the years, but I don’t know why. I don’t think I could put up with me, but maybe she saw something in me that was hopeful and worth waiting for.

Ellen said that I have a lot of work to do with my daughter if I ever want to have any relationship with her. She wasn’t sure if my daughter even cared now if I tried though. I guess I had over a dozen sober years to make it better but never did. All that crap I put people through hurt me just as much. I don’t expect anyone to care about that. I’m embarrassed and so sorry and I don’t know how to fix any of it, maybe that’s why I put it off for so long. 

Anyhow after talking to Ellen, I had a feeling that maybe my son was looking to fix our relationship somehow. I don’t know why I never tried to change or fix anything myself, maybe it was easier to just ignore everything. I’m not that guy now and I don’t want to be him ever again. Ellen gave me a real feeling in my gut that my son and I could work it out if I tried hard enough. My son is a dad himself now and in his mid 30’s, please don’t think we haven’t seen each other for years, because we have. But I know that all the visits had more to do with seeing their mom and putting up with me being there. 

It took only a little while for me to screw up the courage and make that phone call to my son. Not my daughter though, not yet. I convinced myself to try and connect back with him and get ready for any fallout that could come. At least I have Marcus to pick up the pieces if I fall apart. You know I really want to learn how to be a great grandpa, I don’t know if I’ll ever be a good dad in his eyes though. But I need to make him understand that I don’t want to hide the guy I am now and who I love and want to be with. That’s the scary part, maybe he’ll hate me for a whole new bunch of stuff along with the coming divorce. I hoped that before I called him.

Man, if I was still into drinking beer, I coulda really used a few before I called him. But I don’t want or need that crap anymore. I don’t know why or how it happened the way it did, but I’ve had a real reason to stay sober for a long time now.

In case I made you wonder if I talked to Marcus about Ellen’s call or my plan to call my son, I didn’t. I want to tell him all about it at dinner that night. Which I did too. I can get to what he had to say later. And I hope you don’t think I’m gonna tell you my son or daughter’s names here in the journal, I’ll just say son or daughter. I mean my wife Ellen’s name is in here and she hasn’t a clue about the blog Marcus started years ago. She’d probably have a shit-fit if she knew she was being written about behind her back. I don’t think we ever said anything really bad about her though. Well Lisa is in here too, knowing her like I do, I bet she’d like it! Hahah.

Anyway, I headed to the bedroom Marc and Lisa gave me to use when I first got here and shut the door behind me and sat on the bed and screwed up the courage to call him. Then the scared guy in me thought maybe I should just text him that I’d like to talk to him and ask him when a good time would be. At least I didn’t chicken out on myself. And it worked because he texted me right back that now was a good time. Anyway, I did, I called him and said, “Hi, is it okay if we talk for a little while?” He said, “Sure dad!” I almost lost it right then when he called me “dad”. I don’t remember him calling me dad or Mark or anything else, sometimes I was referred to as his father but only in conversation, not to me personal. I said, “Thanks son.” And I immediately thought about the old song, ‘Cat’s in the Cradle' by Harry Chaplin, but I put it outta my head unless I want to cry, I always get emotional when I hear that song. I didn’t cry though.

My son didn’t waste any time getting to the divorce his mom told him about and wanted to know my side. Wow, I have a side, I didn’t expect that from him. My kids both love their mom more than anything and I don’t blame them. I would too if I were them. I love Ellen, don’t get me wrong. But it’s different kind of love now. And I had to decide how much to tell him. 

Writing this got me to wonder if you remember from Marc’s older chapters that our kids know each other, no one is a stranger. In fact, I think they all like each other too. Sure act that way when we were all together at the pool years ago. That was way before our grandsons were born and they all left California for cheaper places to live. And before even Marc and I knew how much we loved each other the way we do. Back then our families got together because our wives planned it. Ellen and Lisa planned lots of stuff over the years for all of us. Like you don’t know that huh.

Hey, guess what I did, I told my son that he can call my buddy Marcus instead of the name he knows if he wants to because that’s how Marcus wants it now. My kid only asked a simple why, and I told him it’s because it matches what he feels like inside now. You know what he said next, of course you don’t, so I’ll tell you. He said, “Is it because Marcus is gay?” And then said, “Are you too?” Wow how much did Ellen tell him without warning me.

I asked him if it would change his mind about Marcus if he was or even me. What the hell it’s out there now, and I’m tired of hiding shit all the time. All he said was, “he didn’t know for sure but it’s not really that important he guessed.” Then he asked me again was I gay, bi or something. I said, “something I guess, but we don’t like labels for us.” I tried to tell him the best I could that sometimes feelings you have change and you don’t always know why. He wanted to know more about why his mom and me were thinking about a divorce after so many years married. That was a question I had a hard time to talk about because I know why, and I don’t know if I was comfortable enough to talk about with him. I kinda talked around the reason and I figured he knew I was nervous talking about it because he changed the subject. Now I know my son is a cool dude too. I also didn’t know if Ellen said anything about how Lisa and she were a couple like us, so I left that alone unless he tells me he knows about it. You can bet it will come up sometime though.

Like I just said about changing the subject, the gay questions got old or uncomfortable I guess because he wanted to tell me something that was bothering him right now. He told me a couple of things that were really personal for him, and man was I so happy he thought about talking to me about it. First of all, they are pregnant again, yay! Another grandchild for me! Can’t wait to tell Marcus about that! But there was something else that he wanted to share with me. His marriage wasn’t that good anymore. Great, that’s the kind of news I want to hear along with getting another grandkid. I ask what happened and he didn’t really know for sure, just that things were not so good between them anymore. Wow, I know that feeling but don’t know how much to share with my own kid. He said that he finds reasons not to go home right after work now. I asked him if that meant he was seeing someone else or maybe hitting a bar. I didn’t like either choice I gave him though. He quickly said, no other woman, but sometimes he found hanging with his work buddies to shoot some pool and have a few beers was more fun than facing the arguments at home. Well, I know that feeling.

I asked him if money was a problem too because I’d help him out if it was. No, he didn’t want that kind of help. He didn’t know how to deal with all the arguments anymore. I asked him right out if it was about sex and then he kinda stalled a little bit and said ya, mostly that. Okay, he came to the right guy on that. I can’t believe how easy it became for me to tell him what my complaints were after so many years of asking for sex and not really getting what I needed. Maybe if we were more like most fathers and sons, I’d be too embarrassed to talk about that, it wasn’t that hard to ask him if he could handle hearing about my experience with that problem. At first I think he thought, TMI maybe tone it down a little huh. But he thought about it and moved the subject to why I’m living with my best friend instead of his mom of 30 something years. I asked him once more if he could handle knowing my side, and he gave me the go ahead, maybe it’s exactly what he needed to hear.

I don’t need to go over all the stuff we’ve talked about here in the journal, you know why both of us love being together. I just told him, that sex was important to both Marc and me and we weren’t getting what we needed anymore. I didn’t go into how really bad it was for Marcus though. No need to drag that shit out into public anymore than it has been already. And I hoped he would not hate me for finding the kind of love I didn’t know I needed. He said he didn’t hate me for that. And he said that maybe he understood more about the sex thing than I probably figured he did, it’s not hard to remember he’s not a kid anymore.

My son was quick to say that he wasn’t looking for a guy to have sex with though just in case I was thinking that. But he kinda understood what Marc and me had together because he alway saw how much fun we had together anytime we were all together. 

I asked my son if he could really accept the fact that I’ll always be with Marcus now and could he accept Marcus as my life partner. He was very honest with me and said, it will take him time, but he thought if it made me happy, maybe he could accept us the way we are. We got back to his problem with his wife, and I was sure, there wasn’t a divorce in the picture right now. I asked him if they tried getting couples help yet and he said, no. He hasn’t really talked to her that much about the problem. Wow, he’s a mini-me and I felt it was time to jump in and act like the father I didn’t know how to be. I told him how long it was for me with our sex problem, I didn’t care if I got embarrassed this time. I explained sex didn’t go away, just we had lots of time when we weren’t having sex and I needed it more than her. Can you believe he asked me if I jerked off because of that? For some reason that embarrassed me more, but I forced myself to answer the best I could, but there was a silent minute before I did, and my kid waited for my answer too. I give him credit for hanging in there for me, I don’t think he was trying to embarrass me, he just needed a guy to talk to. I told him, “Man did I ever!” And I really told him that too. He copped to it too. But said he was upset because a married guy shouldn’t need to do that. Man, does he ever need a sex education!  My son is 34 years old, it’s not like I’m talking to a teenager. Maybe he needed to talk to a father about something he couldn’t bring up to anyone else. I was so proud that I didn’t chicken out during any of the stuff we talked about. I really think my son learned a lot about adult relationships that day and maybe he’ll not just bury it like most men do, or me.

I am not happy that I was never a good father to my kids, I didn’t plan on that being the case. I asked him something I’d never expect to ever ask or say, I asked him if he could help me become a better father and grandfather for him. I told him stuff that maybe he never knew about me too. Especially the part I didn’t have was a father to learn from. Any memory I have of mine is lost forever, and thankfully for that. Living in so many foster homes still didn’t give me a father to learn from. And when I needed to be my kids father I was absent too.

I told him about Pops, Marc’s God Father and the father that stepped in when he lost both of his parents when he was a teenager. I said Pops likes me too, maybe even loves me, but importantly he loves that me and Marc are together. I told my son that I hope he gets to meet Pops one day because then he could say he had two grandfathers. Pops would love that since he has no kids of his own. My son told me that he would be very happy to meet Pops one day, that he sounds like a solid kind of guy. I don’t know if that will ever happen, and I didn’t bring that up too.

I was feeling so good about how we were talking and how easy he made it for me that I asked him if he liked camping in the woods, like tent camping. Guess what, my little mini-me does like that! Speaking about “mini-me”, I don’t think I told you he’s a natural blond like me except his eyes came out kinda green, I think they call that hazel. His mom has brown eyes like Marc. Anyway, I can’t tell you for sure if he inherited my furry body now that he’s in his 30’s, but I don’t see how he could not be. One thing that he didn’t copy from me is his height. He got a lot taller, he’s taller than Marc who’s 5’10” my kid might be close to 6’ I bet. My daughter took after Ellen as a brunette and probably is a lot like her for sure. Anyhow, we talked about getting away, just the two of us one day and I’ll teach him how to fish too. I’ve never been more excited except for being with Marcus all the time now. I’m a little afraid of telling Marc that he’s not invited on the camping trip. But he won’t care, he hates tents, only cabins or trailers with real beds and real toilets close by. Hahah. I’d love if Marc and his son got together with me and mine for a trip one day, this time a cabin will be okay with me. I think I can survive a weekend with our sons and not be a horn dog for Marcus 24/7. (Maybe after we hear our sons snoring for real, maybe then huh; or maybe we should take care of business before we leave our house! Man, we’re bad!)

LATER THAT NIGHT AT DINNER WITH MARCUS

You can’t imagine how hard it was trying not to tell Marc all about my phone call with my son until dinner time. I just wanted to have some time to live with everything we talked about and planned before I talked to Marcus. And I’m glad I did because it gave me time to decide how to talk to him about it. Maybe you don’t think this is a big deal, but it was for me. My life has been turning around so much since that trip we took together years ago now and I couldn’t be happier about any of it!

It was Marc’s turn to make us dinner and I get to help do whatever he asks me. I had to peal potatoes for mashing, that was easy, and I decided that was a good time to tell him about the phone call. I didn’t make it a big thing, just that I got to talk to my son today. That got his attention fast. He knows everything about me and the kids, so it was bigger news than I thought for him. He asked me to tell him everything and leave nothing out. He was kinda excited that I got to talk to him. I know he has some work to do with his kids too, but I didn’t want to talk about that at all that night.

The first thing I told him was about them having another kid, and that stopped whatever he was doing and made him come give me a real bear hug and a lot of little kisses all over my head and neck. Nothing so passionate that we’d need to go to the bedroom or maybe that empty corner of our office. It’s been kinda ignored a lot for months now. Getting to be grandpas has always been high on our lists, but our kids all live out of the state and with Covid and work, and whatever else, we’ve never got to pick our grandsons up or play with them yet. Maybe that’s gonna change this year.

We talked for a long time about how bad it feels not to be a part of our kids and grandson’s lives. Like a long time happened before I remembered to tell him about the other topics we talked about. Don’t worry, I told him everything including how sex was getting to be my kids problem too. Marc understood that problem as much as me and we talked about if it was wise to try and help him or just let them get some professional help. Guess what won that topic, not us. I think he’s right; we can support him but maybe they need couples counseling more. Maybe the two of us would be in a different place if we went for the counseling ourselves. Although, I don’t think that would change anything for Marc and Lisa. Sex never got either one of them that upset. Me on the other hand, well I had my anger to deal with. Maybe more disappointment than anger I guess. Well Marc is right, neither one of us are gonna be smart enough to help them fix their problem. But at least I can be there if he wants to talk to me. I’m kinda surprised he told me about it anyway. Maybe he just needed another man to talk to and I’m probably a lot more that to him than a father. I hope that changes soon.

Before I could tell Marc about the camping idea I had with my son, he kinda suggested something like that to me. Gotta love him, he always knows what to say. That’s when I told him I already did talk about a tent camping and maybe fishing trip some weekend with him. And I said it should only be for my son and me. Again, Marc said of course it should be that way, that he’d just be in the way. And then he reminded me about how he hates tent camping like I didn’t know that about him. I told him my kid is a lot like me and looks forward to roughing it. Then Marc said, “Good, but one day maybe we could all get away if he’s comfortable with me being there too.” 

I figured that was a good time to ask him to try and reach out to his son some day and then maybe we can have a real father and son get together. Marc just shook his head like it was an idea that might work or not. I guess that was more of a shrug though. Maybe it wasn’t the best time to bring it up with him, but I was so excited that day I thought wouldn’t it be fun if we could do it all together. Someday it might happen.

I didn’t tell him anything about when the phone call was over, I stayed in the guest bedroom until I stopped crying. I don’t know if I ever cried over being so happy, if I have, good for me. I had to go into the hall bathroom and just put cold water on my face and eyes. My eyes were all red and made me look like I was all upset, I couldn’t let Marcus see me like that. Well after he reads this post he will know that too. I just wanted to live with the good feeling all by myself before I shared the news. I didn’t think I get so emotional afterwards at all. But lately that seems to be me now. I just stopped worrying about being such a softy over things I’d never be that way before. 

Well Marcus couldn’t be more supportive and happier for me. After dinner and without eating any dessert that we actually made, we headed to our bedroom and laid on the bed. Didn’t even take our clothes off, just as we were except for shoes. We talked and talked and talked and he came up with ideas for me and my kid to do. We hugged and kissed sometimes and kept it up for a long time. And then I asked him if he’d like to take a short walk with me. He accepted the idea and we put our shoes back on and coats because it’s fucking cold outside. I just wanted to go out and get some fresh air and be with him, to hold his hand sometimes and sometimes just have our arms around each other’s back as we walked. I think we out talked ourselves inside, so we didn’t say much other than, “Man it’s fucking cold outside!” Yup, and we repeated that a lot before we turned back to the house. That’s when we had our dessert and coffee, I coulda just had the hot coffee as far as I was concerned, but I made the frozen raspberry turnovers, and they were kinda talking to me that tomorrow they won’t be as good as now. Marcus even had one, no diet that day. Besides he looks awesome lately, he can take a break once in a while from the diet.

I guess you get the idea huh.

After we had our coffee and turnovers, we headed for our bedroom. But I wanted to play in the shower room with him, no asking. I just took his hand and went into the bathroom and into the dry area of the glass shower to strip off his clothes. I think he got the idea; this night was not over by a long shot. I even let him strip my clothes off me, but I guess he was a little cold all naked, so he didn’t waste any time doing it. Marc was the one turning on the shower heads and let the water get warm enough for us. 

Maybe you are getting the idea that using the shower to just wash us wasn’t quite the plan I had in mind. And by the time Marc was naked and waiting for the warm water he had the idea too. I know we are probably gonna be in another year of drought in California and we may have used a little too much water getting warm. Once we were feeling warm, we turned the water off and on as we needed. See we tried to be good consumers. I hope you are buying that because I don’t know who is really reading this post. Sometimes passion gets it’s way for us. And man, there was a lot of passion that night!

The nice part of a shower at night, we don’t need to get dressed at all, just head our naked asses to bed. Saying I was the least bit sleepy would be a lie because I wasn’t, and poor Marcus had to put up with me. Hahah, like he hated it! If we ever got to sleep, it was early in the morning. I was a stud, no bragging, well I guess it’s bragging. Well Ellen would never let me be the stud like Marc did that night. Don’t think he just did an Ellen and laid there okay; I might have learned how to be a stud just being with him you know.

Not even close to us but the best I could find.

I remember that laying in bed the next morning was high up on our list though. It’s a good thing work wasn’t on our must do list. But I let my buddy sleep longer than me. I just got up and headed to the kitchen to make us some fresh coffee. Man, he never got out of bed or awake until I had two mugs of coffee in my hand. I guess the smell woke him up and man did he make a run for the bathroom. I bet that was the first night in years he didn’t get up to go pee in the night. One happy dude came back to bed and had his coffee with me. I thought when we actually get going we will go out for breakfast someplace we both like. We did too. Only, I think it was more like lunch time, but who’s watching the clock anyway. Not us.

I guess this is a good enough place to end this chapter. I know for one thing my life just got a lot better than before. The idea that my son and I will be working on getting to know each other better and that he might be good with Marcus in the picture. How could it get better? Okay I know, get my relationship with my daughter better. I think all the practice I’ll get with my son will help me; I really think so. Okay, that’s it for now. I hope you be happy for me and forget I didn’t write a really horny chapter this time.

Love you guys.

M. Larry

You can Marc’s CH 82 with this link:

https://brosgonerogue.blogspot.com/2022/03/ch-82-marcus-totally-exposed-no-more.html