CH. 84: Alone Once Again and Missing the Kid Big Time

Hi guys, Marcus again with you this time. Larry is taking a well-earned rest from writing a couple of chapters about his son’s visit with us. I’ve said it often to him when his writing insecurities of being good enough to pull something important off comes up. He is everything he needs to be as a writer! I finally put it out there in print so he can go read it when I’m not around to remind him. My babe has turned into a writer, an impressive writer that has the ability to bring his readers into his world so natural, it’s as if you were just having a conversation over a cup of coffee with him in our kitchen. The love of my life has found that down deep inside place, that special well to tap into, where all the feelings and emotions live to solidify the connection we like with our readers.

That said hopefully you won’t think poorly of me if I jump in where Larry has done such a wonderful job, to give you my feelings and interactions with his son in the last couple of days we shared together. I had less time with him but came away just as moved as Larry. So, bear with me while I sing the praises of a wonderful young man who came into our lives and hopefully continues to do so willingly.

Just a note to warn you, don’t be confused if for clarity sake if you find Larry referred to as Mark often and me referred to as Al. Those are the two names his son knows us by, and it makes sense to use them at times. To be absolutely fair to him, he is willing to call me Marcus if that’s what I preferred. As Larry wrote, I let him have his choice of names to use, and Al came up more than Marcus. He never referred to his dad as Mark though, just dad or father. Respectfully unexpected.

A PRIVATE CONVERSATION WITH LARRY’S SON

Larry wrote that while we were all in the pool, his son and I had a lengthy conversation about teaching. Which was true, but not all that consuming. His son asked questions about his dad and how we became good friends. When and how did we get to the place we are now. What I thought about his mother. The questions went on and it wasn’t just while we were in the pool. At times we were all seated at the kitchen table fielding his queries checking on were we stood on principle.

I do believe all the questions came from a desire to learn and fill-in large gaps of his knowledge. Unfortunately, there were more questions than needed answers; but his son was good with the reasons why. I’ll address questions answered if it’s not just duplicate information already written in the journal. 

His query about his dad’s sobriety, particularly was it real, mostly real, or not real at all, stopped me in my tracks for a moment. Why wouldn’t what you feared or were disappointed by, be top of mind on this visit. How do you ask your father straight out the one question that you don’t want to get the wrong answer. I know how, you will ask his best friend and hope you won’t get a lie in return. That was the easiest question with the hardest answer. Oh, don’t for a moment believe his sobriety is only for our journal, it’s real, only how do I answer so that it’s believed it’s so real that it’s almost legendary in scope. I told him that I became totally invested in his dad after learning of his fought off demons, that I too felt a need to support his sobriety by not drinking or getting high while I was in his presence. That came directly out of respect.

I thought I presented my position accurately and tried not to color outside the lines, which I love to do. Those questions from him were something I could have expected if he chose to ask me. His son needed some kind of validation, something to grasp onto and move forward. What I gave him was what he desired. I absolutely felt this from him, though it wasn’t in so many words. 

So, I walked him back to the years when it was evident what we had together was going to be for life. We talked about how coffee was the catalyst of our developing friendship from the very inception. Try explaining how the love of a good cup of coffee leads to the communal bedroom and the end of marriages. How could I not at least brush with the danger of telling about our cabin lake adventure. You as a reader of our journal know more than enough about that trip; it was the event of a lifetime that helped us erased years of covering our fears of discovery. Stupid years of hiding from each other.

What I decided to tell him was that three years ago we did take a weekend at the lake together. And we discovered that we enjoyed being alone together, and it help to stop hiding our true feelings from each other. If you think I got free from further questions, think again. He wanted to know more about our ‘true feelings’ for each other, what that meant. Oh, he’s searching deeply for the reason why I’m replacing his mother for his father. He’s an adult and a man with a past and a sexuality heretofore unheard of for us. What was the attraction, was it just sex? Awkward silence ensued for a moment. Why not be honest, what the hell, go to where I fell comfortable and find an excuse to go use the restroom when it gets too weird. Haha. It didn’t get weird but didn’t get comfortable.

Marcus took over then, Al would rather get back into the pool to think about this for a while. Would it be surprising to find out his dad’s physical appearance was an attraction; hardly. It would be a surprise to find out how big his dad’s heart happens to be, just based upon his prior knowledge; I think so. I did let him know that this was a two-way street between us in that his dad had similar feelings about me. We never went down the lane of thought to our bedroom specifically, he’s ‘been-there-done-that’ himself, that’s a given that thankfully was not a part of our conversations. One day in the future?

After our brief time together, I do believe that he has accepted me as his dad’s mate and guarantor of his sobriety and happiness. To be frank with you, I only hoped for acceptance by his son, but I came away with a feeling that can only felt as loved. Al wonders why, but Marcus doesn’t at all.

WHAT IT WAS LIKE BEING NATURE BOYS TOGETHER

I can see from my suggested headings already written at this point; I’ll be jockeying content before I’m happy enough to post the chapter. Since I just mentioned being in the pool with his son, I notice the above heading down in the list of topics, so I moved it up to here. So, how do you manage the idea of nudity tossed into the equation with your own kid, or your partner’s kid, with no time to digest the consequences if any. Surprisingly, not as big a deal as perhaps it would have been, let’s say three years ago.

Okay, I can sense you want more than that. If you remember, it was my suggestion about clothing style in the pool. If anyone might have been a bit nervous, my long-shot money was on his kid. That was until the little performance he gave us on the office deck, and then… Okay, to say that was unexpected, I don’t really know any longer. He was so comfortable with his questions and how he accepted us, who knows what was in his head. Larry will need to clear that up one day if he ever finds out. 

I was as Larry suggested, concerned I had pushed the situation a little too far when his kid was not getting ready to enter the pool with us. There was every chance he’d just leave on his boxers and jump in to join us. I certainly was hoping for that just to feel better about the suggestion I made earlier. And then came the show, and the flood of relief we both felt was therapeutic for our mental health. The laughter we gave him was not only good for him but essential for us. I don’t know where his kid dug up the courage needed to pull that off for us, wherever it came from it was welcome. It certainly gave us a chance to know more about him. Okay, that can mean more than one thing; yes the nudity and helicopter-dick thing that I finally got to see in person, as knowing more about him. Hopefully, that is out of the way now because what I really meant was his kid loved clowning around and acting silly just as much as we do. If I were performing that in front of my Pops instead, I’d need to dig way down deep to find the needed courage if it were there at all. However, it was his son doing that and the end result was the three of us got even more comfortable together and who knows, doors are opening. We have spent time naked in the pool with Joe, but the fun factor was off the charts when his kid was with us.

Like Dolphins, huh. 😅 Well one of us there was young.

Now that I got that out of the way, why was I so comfortable doing that is a better question to ask. I’ll get to my thoughts about Larry in a minute. I’m going on record, it’s my weight loss and how I feel about my body right now, or I’d never have uttered the comment about how we swim together around here to him. I’m 110% sure of that. Larry somehow found it necessary to tell you how I found a “couple of extra inches of soft dick” when he was writing about the helicopter spin thing. And I really laughed so hard I snorted reading that, but it’s true after losing so much weight. I’m proud of my body now, although it’s still not where I want it to be just yet, but I’m getting more comfortable in my sagging skin lately. At least enough to get naked in front of his kid, although I can safely say, neither one of us ever expected that to take place during his visit. (I didn’t say anything about hoping, right. Just joking Mark.)

I said I’d get to my buddy later; here’s later. I’ve known Mark for over a dozen years or so, and Larry for only around three years. Mark was absent when his son was here with us, I can’t speak for their camping trip though. I really do believe I pulled up my courage from just being around Larry’s resolve to be all he could be with his kid. There was nothing going to get in the way of building a positive relationship back with his kid, even if it meant getting naked to do that. I suspect getting naked had nothing to do with that though, just something that happened because of my big mouth. (Or was it? Haha!)

As I’ve stated, knowing Mark for so long, I’ve learned what he fears and what he’s okay with. First of all, let’s get this out of the way, we do not fear anything about anything together any longer. That situation dissolved over three years ago. I credit Larry’s newest resolve to making a good friend with Joe long ago, and that included overcoming his fear of rejection over his own body issues. Joe is younger but he has become a good friend of Larry’s and I suspect we haven’t heard the last story yet from them. However,  beyond Joe, came me, his almost lost good buddy Al. Mark knows how our friendship almost ended forever, and Larry’s not going to let that happen again, no matter what it takes.

ON THE MARCUS MEDICAL FRONT

When our friendship started so long ago, I never gave thought to my weight, it was up it was down. I’m a yo-yo dieter like so many people. I never thought I was so overweight to be unhealthy until my doctor told me years ago I was now “Morbid Obese.” Give me a fucking break! Morbid? Obese okay I get that, don’t have to like that but I’ll deal with it, but what’s with the gross morbid crap! 

My doctor was concerned about my blood pressure years ago; thank you my job, you did more than make me wealthier than I ever got to be as a high school teacher. So, blood pressure pills became part of my daily routine. They worked well because my blood pressure lowered considerably and was acceptable by my doctor. That is, until recently. I began to feel a little light headed at times, especially if I was bending over to pick up something on the floor or just tying a shoe lace. If I raised my head a little too quickly, I’d get something like vertigo. At least a bit dizzy which was, let’s say, a little disconcerting for me. I wrote my doctor and she had me come in for a health check. My blood pressure was way too low, sometimes below 90/50. My normal was just under 120/68 when checked. She had me taking two blood pressure checks a day, one before I took my meds and the second later after the meds. I was to do this for a month and return the results to her for the next step. Well I’m happy to say the next step was taking me off blood pressure pills for a month as a control test. My weight loss and loss of the stress from my job were reasons. Well there’s a little more to the story, after recording a second month of daily blood pressure readings without meds, I’m happy to say, I’m permanently off the meds! Now tell me that losing my gut wasn’t worth it! Well losing the job stress helped too. Now you can give me all kinds of kudos, thank you very much even if you don’t!

MY CONTINUED WEIGHT LOSS WITHOUT NOOM NOW

Since I’m on the subject of weight loss, it was joining Noom a year and a half ago that helped me. I’m no longer a member because I’ve lost enough weight and know how to control what and when I eat. Moreover, I’m not the guy any longer that used to eat my way through any food in sight when I was stressed or emotionally upset. 

I did gain too much weight during the couple of years before our lake cabin trip three years ago. I’ve talked about that before. Just to remind you, Mark and I had been cooling our friendship and I didn’t know why for sure, but it did cause me to raid the pantry and refrigerator often when I stressed over it, which was often. Today, I know how to take care of stress and food consumption is not the end-all avenue open to me, because a glass of water or exercise, as in take a walk, is better.

Just a minute or two longer on the subject though. I never really thought of myself as fat or even overweight when indeed I was. I’d gain weight slowly and my clothes sizes would inch up slowly. I had little time to worry about my weight gain and if anyone ever rudely brought it up, I always told them I was “big boned” and it’s just natural for me. Fuck, I bought that, why wouldn’t anyone else? And then, here comes Mark into my life, my welcomed gorgeous new neighbor and I have no idea he’s attracted to bulky bear-type guys. Trust me I’m not thinking I’m either bulky or bear type. I’m just big boned who can gain and lose weight easily, no important thing. Besides, I never got a signal from him that I was more than just ‘big-boned.’ (I bet he never considered ‘big boned’ anyway.)

Talking about Mark back years ago, let my mind wander again; he had a body that matched no one I knew personally. Now that I shed more pounds than I knew I was carrying, I’m approaching a size I haven’t been in a long time. (Think decades.) I was fascinated by the disparity of size from his upper-body to his mid-body. How does one get a waist and hips that small; I’m sure my ‘big-bones’ will never allow me to look like him. 

I remember when he came to live with me, and I was willing to share any of my smaller-sized clothes with him. The smallest waist size I ever had and that was for a very short time, was thirty-two inches. I think as a toddler I had a 32-inch waist, Haha. I was certainly more comfortable in a 34-inch waist for my leaner years. When Larry tried on those 32-inch waist shorts in front of me, he looked lost in them. Son of a bitch, even now with my weight loss to date, re-trying on those 32-inch shorts makes me look like a tied Italian sausage! On him, if he pushes them down lower onto his hips, the fit is fine. Damn.

So, what’s the point of all this? I love looking at how his body can make clothes look sexy and I want that kind of body too. So, I’m still trying to lose more weight, but I have slowed down the pace because my skin is not catching up with my weight loss yet. By Christmas I can look more like him at least the middle part of my body. I’ll let him be the muscle bear for the house. There’ll be no contest there between us.

I don’t know if I wrote about this yet, considering the content I have already I bet I have. I just wrote how I thought of myself as ‘big-boned’ to cover any concern about being over-weight. If I ever felt a little over-weight I’d find a fad-diet for a while and lose weight before I’d gain it all back. However, there is one infuriating thing that’s happening now whenever I see my naked body in the bathroom mirror, I see all the fat in places I never saw before. Isn’t that the most spiteful thing your brain can do to you? I’m sure I’m not alone with this but my ‘big-boned’ excuse isn’t working for me any longer. I think the mirror in the bathroom should have a Photoshop button to erase everything I still hate on me or at least I should be able to request the following: “Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the thinnest one of all?” Me! You SOB, it’s supposed to be me! Well at least give me back my “big-bones” retort. Okay, I think I’m done ranting over this for a while.

MY 60TH BIRTHDAY COMING UP, SURE BEATS THE ALTERNATIVE

I having second thoughts about if I even want to write a single word about this. And since It’s still May as I write this I’m not sure if my June birthday hasn’t already come and gone yet by the time this chapter posts. I’ll know when I get to the ‘ciao’ part of this chapter.

(I was thinking when editing this chapter, how can you tell Marcus is getting old enough to be sixty? Stories about extra pee trips at night, could count, right? And how about blood pressure pills, that’s got to be a given right from the start.)

The closer I get to my next milestone marker, the further I find myself away from worrying about age in years instead of being just numbers. I owe that to my own cheerleader in charge of knowing when to be the resident ball-buster and when to be kind and supportive. When I find my mind wandering in the neighborhood of advancing age, lately I’m reminded of something my Pops called me as I approached my fiftieth birthday, he called me just a ‘Puppy’ and I’ll always be the young pup no matter how old I get. Pop’s will always be the older and wiser top dog between us and don’t forget it. I sure as fuck hope he lives to be at least one hundred years old so when I’m approaching his currant age, I’ll still be a ‘Puppy.’

BACK TO SWIMMING AGAIN IT’S 90°F+ DEGREES OUTSIDE

The weather out here changed quickly from Brrrrr it’s too fucking cold outside after sundown, to “My God, how did it get to fucking Summer already!” (For our reading friends not knowing much about living in one of California’s temperate climates, we can shiver or turn blue at 60°F or 15.6°C.)

We are currently having a week of mostly in the 90°F+ every day and evening. Well Larry won’t complain any longer about turning on the gas heater to warm the pool, good old sol will excite our solar panels back to life once again. Last year the weather got crazy on us, and we were in over triple digits for three weeks at a time. That might be what we are in for again, all you climate change doubters out there, please find a way to make the triple digits go away for us, okay. We’re good with anywhere in the 80°F range.

I’m a little loss for words, and I suspect you are already laughing about that, so, go right ahead. I don’t blame you. However, what I’m referring to is how only after a couple of days with Larry’s son in the pool with us could make the pool seem so empty with just the two of us in there alone now. I’m sure in time, the emptiness we are feeling will be just in our hearts and memory. His son gave us something we didn’t have, didn’t know we needed, and now we want it back. I promised myself a couple of years ago when Larry started to write for the blog, that I wouldn’t speak for him any longer. I can break with that on this subject because we both feel the same. Actually, we’ve gotten to the point where we don’t need to discuss his absence any longer, it’s just felt. 

I found his sense of humor so in concert with ours; his love of nature and his personal aspirations fit so well into ours, too. Please don’t go to the conclusion there was anything vaguely sexual going on between us considering the two times in the pool with him, we were all ‘nature boys’ together. What was fun for me more than his dad Mark, was having two ‘Larry’ types in the pool with me. Yes, they do share physical features, which did not go unnoticed by yours truly, I’m not visually impaired; it was their sense of humor and desire to crack a joke to make me laugh and feel warm and comfortable with them that I’m referencing.

I should address the ‘nature boy’ thing between all of us. I’m only at the point of guessing why or how at the moment. I’m not sure I need to completely understand, but at least I’ll let you into my head at the time. In no particular order, unless I do that in post-editing of the chapter. Consider prior to three years ago at the lake cabin, forget naked. Larry would be in his board shorts and T-shirt, covering as much as he could, and I’d be okay in my over-sized swim trunks, but would freak out wearing a Speedo. And anything naked would only be in adult films, surely never seen by either of us together.

So, how did we get to the “what the hell, go for it,” stage? Well, the two of us did get over our body vulnerabilities with each other so long ago, and then we’ve had experiences with caught naked in the pool. Even our wives have joined us sans clothing or clothes optional times. His son is an over-thirty adult married male with almost two kids now, with let’s say male bonding experience in his past; how much more do we need to discover before it’s okay to just go for it. A possible bottom-line answer could be those few experiences we faced together without disaster gave us courage. An even better bottom-line for us, the opportunity provided the most fun we’ve ever had, and certainly topped the comparable situation when Joe joined us in the pool naked. Let’s say we broke through so many barriers that never happened to come up.

Ah, the memories never fade.

This got me to thinking about what Larry recently wrote about his kid sitting on the very underwater seat that we used exclusively for ‘none-of-your-business’ sex. Not that you, our reading public, missed out from joining us there at times. Seeing his kid sitting on our sacred spot not knowing exactly what went on at that underwater seat multiple times in the past was almost hilarious. Okay, only now is it hilarious. I went back though my GIF files and found one of the images I used just in case someone new to our blog doesn’t get it yet. In case you’ve never done this under water, it’s not easy. Do you get it now? Haha.

I think that about covers it. So, what do you think, did he tell his wife about the ‘just go for it’ moment in his dad’s pool? My money’s on, ‘no way in fucking hell’ will he tell her. Hahah, at least I hope so.

IT’S BEFORE I FORGET ABOUT OUR HOME THEATER PROGRESS

We’ve been talking about turning the library, one of the larger interior rooms into a home theater, and we are in the process of doing that right now. I have a habit of producing ideas and then getting someone else to do them. Formerly I had the excuse that I was way too busy to take the time to do the work myself; therefore, hiring a contractor or handyman made complete sense. Yes, it certainly was a very good excuse except I’m not busy any longer, no deadline pressures, conference meetings, whatsoever. No excuse except I suck at doing handyman shit, period. That plus a lazy streak thrown in for good measure, that’s it, it’s all I have except… 🤔 I know Larry will jump in and help me with any of the physical work if I ask him nicely, don’t worry I plan on it. I know how bad I am at doing mechanical stuff, and Larry will second that for you. It scares the crap out of me that I’ll screw up something beyond repair. I’ve known guys who have decided to do any and all ‘Do-It-Yourself’ shit only to need to hire a pro to fix everything they did wrong. See I’m a former that kind of guy; so, I no longer do stuff to prove how bad I really am anymore. I have buried away all the proof I’d ever need to remind me.

Thankfully, I’m marrying a wonderful guy whom can tackle anything he sets his mind. Me, I’m looking up telephone numbers of qualified handymen and contractors instead. I would have been so embarrassed telling you that about myself prior to this journal. Fuck, I’ve told you far worse things about me over the years than that. You may also remember, I’m the guy who really needs the little mnemonic, “Lefty-Loosey and Righty-Tighty” when turning on and off the garden hose faucet. Stuff like that must seem ridiculous since Pops trusted me to run his fucking corporation as the COO. However, that’s the cold sober truth about me. Okay, now’s a suitable time to laugh your ass off about that, I just request that you do it behind my back. Would you like to know something else to keep the laughter going, even though I know how to turn on or off a faucet now, my brain still recites the saying every single fucking time. Actually, it comes out as a little sing-song tune in my head, however, I’ve stopped saying it out loud now. Thank you for enjoying my embarrassment. I was going to write ‘short comings’ but Larry would pick up on that and have a field day ball busting me because I set it up for him.

Not that far from completed now.

So, let’s get back to the home theater room I started out to write about. I created layout drawings to give Larry an idea of what my concept of an Art Deco home movie theater room could look like. I know it’s all on my back now since Larry got the floor platform elevations completed. He said he’d help me frame the fabric panels that cover the speakers and install them after the painting is over. Finding wall light sconces to match have been a challenge, but at least the wiring is ready for us. I have thought about theater style drapery but now I’m thinking just a single drapery panel on either side will be more practical since it will give us a larger wall area for a screen. 

I like the idea now I have to sell it to Larry.

I placed a picture of a drop screen in front of the drapes so I could decide what I liked best. Actually after seeing it this way, I don’t mind the look of drapes along that wall at all, it screams movie theater to me. If we choose to buy a drop screen, it could retractable when not in use leaving the drape panels on display. (Note: If you caught this from Larry’s chapter, he wanted something red, that was his only request for the room. Think he’ll be happy? 😊)

I imagined recently that the home theater idea should extend into the hallways leading to the room, but it could be on slightly shaky ground right now between the two of us. However, I imagined a door surround four or five inches thick built out into the hallway, and a marquee sign painted in an Art Deco design. I also imagined an Art Deco door panel unlike any other in the house. I can paint the Art Deco designs if I take my time and don’t try to rush the projects, however, I can also see myself doing a ton of paint taping to get the lines perfect. If I choose this design, the estimated completion, sometime this decade! I may do more design research if this is going to be a go. I think we should have two more wall light sconces to match the ones chosen for inside the room to light up a couple of classic movie posters. Lastly, if this is a really a go, a small non-slip red carpet runner would lead you towards the theater door. (The wall paint will not look like the above, it will remain the same as the rest of the house. I was messing around with color filters when I made the drawing and couldn't change it back.)

Writing this section of my chapter gave me two previously unthought of concerns; will Larry want to tackle more projects for the home theater now that he finished the elevated floors and carpeting. Creating the door surround should certainly appeal to his native builder’s genes and it will give him one more excuse to use his new wood workshop for whatever comes up. That’s my first unthought of, the second unthought of has to do with the theater location and the hallways. The hallway headed to the left on my drawing leads down to our master bedroom wing. That’s our sanctuary, not a visitor destination zone and our former library turned home theater could certainly get any visitor’s curiosity bone wondering what’s at the end of the hallway, or not. Well, now you have a much better update on this project.

THE FIRST NIGHT ALONE AFTER THE KID GOES HOME

I don’t want to be guilty of getting the tear ducts overflowing myself, but there’s only so much a man can take before it’s too much to deal with. Larry was right about going right to bed, but I’ll take issue about not having a horny bone in his body, including his dick. I understand the emotion he was trying to elicit from us, not only that, but I was his first-hand witness, better stated as participant in the dual emotional climate. Oh give it a rest Marcus, get to the point, he might have been let’s say, a little not too horny, but I had other ideas for us. 

With my personal pleasure in mind, I did let him glue himself against my backside and encouraged him take complete and loving hold of all my junk in his hand, not just my dick per normal. It is a wonderful way to fall asleep in my book. Which we did, he before me, judging only on the lessened grip on my balls and soft snoring sounds not coming out of me. I do remember the emotions I’m feeling were still strong but not as strong as the need to take my first pee trip though. Normally, by this time any dick hold is over, and we might be butt, to butt in the bed. But not that night, I had to carefully remove his hand and slowly move over to the edge of the bed, and I did feel badly about breaking his hold on me. But nature is calling out to me and there’s this urgency in play, and the pee countdown clock is ticking away before the trip is no longer a factor. And we never want that, do we.

Must catch the dude with the camera, really!

When I got back in bed I just snuggled up to his backside and we just melted together once again. I can’t say for sure, could be a learnt robotic sleep move, but his hand grabbed mine and placed it where he wanted it and didn’t miss a single snored beat in the process. It might just be a robotic condition because my own robotic hand gave him no resistance and knew exactly where to go, mission accomplished for at least two more hours before the next pee trip and last before getting up for good. (Somehow, I don’t remember nightly pee trips being so important when I started writing this journal blog. But then we hardly spent the whole night together anyway.)

If we’ve been too tired for sex at bedtime it’s usually after my second trip to pee that my horny kicks in and doesn’t go away. Lately Larry has been experiencing my night pee trip situation himself, sometimes if I’m awake enough to watch him leave our bed for the bathroom, I wonder if he’s not just sleepwalking his trip to pee, could be, at least he’s aiming good; if he wasn’t we’d both know it in the morning. But around my second trip we sometimes find ourselves more interested in sex than sleep. If we need more sleep, there’s always after sex sleep and that’s a powerful sleep. And there’s always two very happy smiling faces after waking up for good. I guess that’s not too hard to figure out huh.

There has been a noticeable change, at least to me, any time we are being intimate with each other since his kid has left for home, that there’s this sensation that we are trying to compensate for each other’s feeling of loss. It’s how we hold each other, or the gentle caring way we treat ourselves during sex. I know from my own perspective; I am so much more aware of how he is reacting to my moves with him. It’s not that we never have been this way together, it’s just top of mind right now. I can’t speak for his mind, but I do feel he is treating me in a very similar way. It’s most comforting.

CHANGES LARRY HAS GONE THROUGH

I create all my section headings before I ever write any content assuming these are the areas I should cover in my chapter; this heading in particular seemed correct in light of his son’s visit. Except for one big-ass inaccuracy, Larry hasn’t changed much in the last few years. It’s Mark that’s done all the changing. Not only has Larry become more comfortable in that role, but he also keeps redesigning what that is for him. Mark on the other hand rarely shows up, if at all, and only when there’s a conservative voice needed in our mix, even that has been under scrutiny lately. I’ve known Mark for so many years now and I know nervousness when I see it, Larry was very nervous about his kid’s visit. He didn’t want to fuck it up, which old former Mark could have done big time. 

Was there a chance his son’s visit could bring about changes to either of them and me too; damn right it could and did. If nothing more than the chance for the two of them to reconnect with each other and get to know one another as caring adult men, it worked like a charm. So, where does this all go now?

Ha, my guess is as good as yours. Personally, I envision no going back, no U-turns allowed. March forward into the future or reside in yesterday’s dust. Sounds like a movie script, huh. All that’s missing is the cowboy riding off into the sunset and then the fading shot. Haha.

PLANNING ON A SPECIAL CHRISTMAS

I’m excited as Larry about having a real Christmas with family and getting to meet to grandsons for the first time ever, well what can I say except get busy and do something about the way things have been in my own family for so many years. I’m no way near the ability to say, yes it will go just as perfect as it went for Larry. It will take work and contacting my ex-wife, at least trying to track her down to talk to her on the phone. I do not look forward to that call at all, we did not have a good separation, and I’ll leave it there for now. I’ve mentioned my children sided with her and they were young, and it made sense. Somehow everything was my fault. And at this point I don’t know anymore who was to blame other than finances and arguing and finding fault with each other. It’s been so many years since we’ve talked plus those few years of me being single, and those years remarried. So now I need to inform her about how I fell in love with my best friend in the whole fucking world who just so happens to be a man. Not just a man, a most wonderful, sexy, and loving man. Yes, that’s going to be so special. I expect there will be more info as time marches forward in our blog. For now, this is enough.

GETTING POPS INVOLVED

Larry brought up that we indeed have a man in both of our lives now that is of the “Silent Generation,” and quite capable of being the great grandpa, I know Pops would jump at that. And, yes I looked up what they labeled people who were born in 1940, such as my Pops and my dad as well. I’m not convinced that was the best name for their generation, well at least not so much for my Pops. I’m sure there is a much noisier name that can used for him. Quiet or Silent, I don’t think so. Haha. But I guess coming after the Greatest Generation, what else could you have called them; that must have been a hard act to follow. We need to get him informed and involved now.

POPS AND OUR WEDDING PLANS

I am a little hesitant to bring this up so soon, especially since there’s no exact date so far, but I want Pops at our wedding and one way or the other, we’ll go to him or he’ll come to us, but he must be there period. Pops can officiate at our wedding, he has done so before, and I’d love nothing less than having him perform the ceremony for us. He and Larry have this special bond that he couldn’t have with me since he was in the mentor, employer, and surrogate father to me. From what I’ve known over the years, he wouldn’t have thought well of the relationship that Larry and I enjoy together. However, that went up in smoke when he told us of the special friendship he had with his best buddy when they were younger. Yes all those wonderful secrets that we hold dear to our hearts, huh. Well, just know I’m thinking on having him in the role we need. As to the wedding, really whom do we know other than Joe and Aldo and now Larry’s son. Okay, the wives. Whom else? I don’t think we need a fancy wedding, just make it official and permanent. I’m putting all this out there without discussing any of it with Larry first. This came to me when I was alone waiting for him to come back home, plus while writing this chapter. I’m not even sure I want to see our wives involved any more than necessary. I hope I’m not being selfish, but at this point, why?

Depending upon the time that our divorces are final, we’d have to consider a flight to San Jose Del Cabo, Mexico to get married or fly Pops and his lady friend Sarah up here. We certainly have the room for them, and if it’s Christmas, we could see more people added to the party when his son gets here. We may have to stop using the extra bedrooms for other things though. Haha. However, since I’ve been to Cabo San Lucas enough times to know about the humidity, the colder months here are the best there. Summer is way too hot and humid down there as far as I’m concerned.

Then there’s Larry’s birthday on December 9th, and that Marlin deep sea fishing trip that we cancelled. I could see a birthday, fishing, marriage thing all wrapped up together. I’ll be sure to bring the Dramamine if I’m crazy enough to be on the small boat out to sea with Larry and Pops though. It can get rough out there unless you are on a cruise ship. 😅

I have a feeling that I know what Larry and I’ll be talking about after he reads this chapter. Actually, I’m leaning towards the trip in the first part of December or starting in late November. Still leaves time for a special Christmas at home as we show off our new wedding bands at the same time.

This is a perfect spot to end the chapter and give life a chance to catch up with us. If I think of something else, it might show up in my next chapter. Otherwise, it’ time to pass the baton to Larry for the next chapter.

Ciao for now,

Marcus

Here is a link to Larry’s Chapter 22 the next chapter for BGR:

https://brosgonerogue.blogspot.com/2022/06/larrys-22nd-post-marcus-birthday-plus.html