Ch. 22 So Fucking Lonely Right Now
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| This is a different kind of lonely now, an aching lonely. |
I don’t know how to handle real abstinence! I want to save myself for him, but when will the dry spell be over? Damn well better be tonight! Like I have a real choice in the matter, huh? Otherwise, I’m getting reacquainted with my left palm once again! 😛 (I switched from the right palm, now that I use my right index finger to type the sexy passages of the journal on the iPad! I covered this with you recently! Remember?) 😜 The last couple of sentences came to you through the courtesy of, I’M FUCKEN HORNY ALREADY!
I have actually “just showered” in my shower stall the past couple of mornings! Image that! I think that’s a real first for me! Seriously, jacking off has been my morning ritual since I was a teenager! It puts horniness on the back burner, until I want to call it up. I might have been stupid enough as a kid to have taken a bet, that all the jacking I did would have stretched my dick to super-size, by the time I got to be a adult! It didn’t! At least not yet! Ha ha.
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| Sad 'n lonely dick! I told you! |
I get very lonely when I’m not with Larry now, I’m scared that will blow my straight cover if I’m not careful on how that shows up. This loneliness is a much different lonely than what I’ve dealt with for so many years.
For all my adult years, I’ve considered myself a bisexual, but chose to play it openly straight, however, part of me was always longing for a real emotional connection with another man. For the few years between my two straight marriages, I tried to connect with gay men, it just didn’t work out in my favor. I did date a few women while I tried to connect with a man, but I never desired to remarry though.
I referred to the guy connections before in this journal, I’ve never had a single connection that ended with me getting off. I was used by them and discarded, I said screw this shit, and reverted to just fantasizing about men and continued to date women. I really liked dating women, and I enjoyed the sex whenever it happened.
I thought I should have been able to attract a good man with my appearance, I think I was pretty good looking back then, I had no problem attracting women! Maybe I just never knew where to find them, certainly not in the “meat market” of the gay bars, that’s for fucking sure! Maybe I had been too timid with the men, a problem I never had with women though.
For the women I dated and eventually the woman I married, I was as normal a man as they could expect to find. I liked being with any woman I was with; I like fucking and oral sex. I think I was a good lover, just because I had to visualize a man to make me cum, was my burden, not theirs. I could last until they would reach orgasm, mentally I was in my own world, and controlled my own orgasm.
Well, except for my current marriage, that was so long ago, and I’m glad that part is over. And now, after all the years, I have finally found my man to address my bisexuality. It becomes real again, fantasizing about men is way different from being with a man and a woman too. This is fucking complicated! I love my wife, I love my Larry, I don’t want to hurt either of them. If there’s some kind of support in this fucking mess, Larry loves his wife just as much as I love mine. Part of the escapist in me says, if only the wives fell in love with each other, all four of us could live happily ever after! Good night have a happy life! Nice knowing ya! Sure, in a dime novel from last century maybe!
I was a 20-year-old kid when I married my first wife. I was told by my older, and wiser (21-year-old) straight buddies, try to think about anything not sexual and you won’t cum too soon, when you fuck a girl. Because women hate men who cum to quickly, especially, inexperienced guys, like me. If you cum to soon, you’ll lose interest in getting them off too. Well, this 20-year-old “Stud” bought into that shit, hook, line, and sinker!
So, that was the plan, I would think about anything other than having sex, while having sex, and I could last for quite a while. Well the plan had merit, but not for this fucking greenhorn! The second my dick hit warm soft flesh, well, do I really have to embarrass myself here for you?
However, much practice, I was an instant hit with the women I had sex with, before marriage and then during marriage. I hate to report how boring sex was for me though, I was thinking about stuff that wasn’t sexual, joy! When I wanted to cum, I’d think about a sexy guy I saw or in a magazine and bingo, I could cum. I was the only one who knew that, nobody cared. I fucken cared, do you know how guilty I felt with this hidden betrayal? Well, some of you do, the sheer numbers are on my side. I’m not alone in the world! Keep it to myself, and nobody cares!
I’ll talk about my marriage at another time if I’m up for it, there’s nothing wrong though, it’s just sexless. We both let our careers take over, our life together is companionship, sex got in the way and boring when we had to schedule it. I’m like that battery bunny that just keeps going, my wife needs her beauty sleep, and always too tired for sex. I just said to myself, screw it, my morning jacking works for me. I know it’s sad, now that Larry and I are discovering sex our way, I don’t want anything else! He’s on board with that too.
Well, I used to fill my journal with Larry stories when he was gone, today I talked about myself more. Writing this journal is therapeutic, I highly recommend you start writing one if you are living anything like the life we’ve been living, or wish you were. Sometimes, I just want to pinch myself, I’m such a lucky son of a bitch. Yeah, a real SOB, but look how long it’s taken me to find the one man, meant for me!
You have to know, one day I’ll write a whole chapter from Larry’s point of view, however, I’m just getting to learn more about him every time we get together. He’s not the open book that I am, he buried himself so deep in the closet, that I’m only able to chip away a bit at a time. He will let me know stuff when he’s ready.
Larry told me about his bad-ass life style that came after leaving the Coast Guard. It was fascinating to hear about too. By comparison, well there was no comparison between us, I might have been a pain-in-the-ass teen when in high school, I settled down quickly when I saw it was getting me nowhere fast!
Larry’s is 52 and his Birthday is in December, a Sagittarius, a very compatible sign to my Gemini. We don’t really believe much about that stuff, unless it matches us in some way. So maybe we believe in some of the stuff? I guess I haven’t done much math on our age difference too, I guess it’s only 4 1/2 years after my 57th birthday coming up in June. I thought I was a lot older than him than I am. See I had to talk about him after all!
I’ll tell you something else that hit me after it was said. A few days ago, I was promoted from “I love you Bro!” Something we’ve told each other for years, when we parted company for the day or night. Well, not every time, but many times. It was just a kind thing to say to a guy you felt was good enough to be a brother. To, “I love you, Marc!” It just rolled past me, because I was thinking about being separated again, and feeling sorry for myself. It might have rolled past me, but I didn’t forget those words, and eventually it sunk in, the one thing I’ve waited to hear my whole life.
I have wanted a man, from my father, to an uncle, whomever, some guy, some man to say, “I love you Marcus!” But no one ever did. Oh, I’m pretty sure I was loved and respected, but I just wanted to hear it said! It wasn’t even a sexual request, just a warm fuzzy that I wanted. And, I almost missed it! I haven’t told him that I love him too, yet, I can’t wait to tell him. But I’ll make sure he’s listening to me!
THE TEXT THAT I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR COMES
It’s been hours since I started writing in my journal. And then, I hear the sound I picked for Larry’s text and phone calls, it’s the motorcycle sound, it represents the Harley he owned and eventually crashed years ago when he was the quintessential “Bad Ass Motherfuker Biker!”
It was short and cryptic looking. It said:
[“Meet Side Yard 10pm wear silky boxers only!”]
[“Meet Side Yard 10pm wear silky boxers only!”]
Okay, tonight is set out the garbage and recycle bins to the curb for tomorrow pickup. His side yard and my side yard are where we keep the bins, and only the Redwood fence separates us. It’s dark there and private too! My heart just kicks started again; I get to be with him, even if only for a couple of minutes. I don’t know for sure; I’ll have to wait and see now. Now watch the fucken day to drag on forever!
So, I’m going to put the journal away for now, and I’ll tell you what happened afterward.
SIDE YARD MEETING
Okay, it’s hours later and I followed his text request. I was sure to be early too, maybe 10 or so minutes. My wife just headed to our bedroom for her shower; she gets that out of the way at night, so she can get out of the house early to beat the traffic. And, I was sure to wear my black silky boxers she bought me, under my shorts. My Sandals were the slip on or off style, perfect to ditch my shorts. I had a pull-over Polo Shirt on, that was an easy pull-off too. So, in seconds I’m looking as requested. The reason I chose to wear one of my black silky boxers, was that color should disappear in the dark, look like I’m naked, his favorite style for me, funny me too! So, I’m waiting and realizing, he’s going to be right on time, and now I have to wait in the dark like some pervert ready to pounce!
Yeah, like I said, it must be 10:00pm now, I don’t have a watch or phone on me, but it seems right. I had my gate already open for him, because I keep on forgetting to put some WD40 on the hinges. They squeak, but it does tell me if someone is coming into the yard, if I’m in the pool. So, it does have a function. Anyway, I’m in the shadows, I think not so visible, but my babe spots me, and heads right for me.
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| The kids worth waiting for! |
Not a word is spoken by either of us, he might be two or three inches shorter than me, but he does not miss my waiting mouth for the kiss it’s been waiting for days now! It was intense, and as a mouth breather, I’m starting to get panicked for air. A quick separation and right back again. He asked for my silky boxers because grabbing my junk through them is awesome feeling, I should know, I do love it too! 😛 I did the same for him, and I’ll be damned, he bought some silky boxers too! If he is not going commando, he is usually the boxer brief type, you know, the ones that look like briefs with short legs attached, and a pouch for the boys! But tonight, he was wearing silky boxers, damn, I wish I could see him in them. It’s just too dark out here.
Fresh in my mind, I need to tell him something, and when we came up for air, I whispered into his ear, “I love you Larry!” He took it in for a second, and returned, “and I love you with all my heart Marc!” Damn, he outdid me again! I’m joking, because I wanted to cry so bad. Of course, I didn’t, I wait until he left. Finally, for real a grown-ass hunk of a man, gorgeous beyond belief, just said he loved me from his heart! OMG, I’m shaking.
He said, he had only a few minutes because his wife has plans for his ass tonight, I get it. But he had time to tell me, that the RV is ours to rent for the week and we can get on our road trip very soon. He will tell me more in the morning, and then we can work out the plans. However, there was one more thing he’s been wanting to do for days, he pushed my boxers down and stooped down to suck in my dick. I was already hard from the anticipation, and then a little more with the kissing, but somehow, I got even harder once I entered his mouth. I told you right from the first sentence, that I was lonely and horny. However, I am so ashamed of myself, I lost it, I came faster than the kid I was the first time I fucked a woman. Larry just kept sucking on me and I kept cumming; how about that, I can produce more cum, just don’t jack off so much, go figure! Ha ha. I don’t know how much I produced but he tried to let me know, once I stopped shooting. He saved it instead of swallowing, and we shared me in another open mouth kiss. Yup, I’m certainly the salty one. I like his cum better! I told him that too. He said don’t worry, tomorrow I can share him too. I owe him one big orgasm.
You must love my Babe, he said he has abstained from sex, to save it for me. However, he will have sex with his wife tonight instead, but he’ll try to save some for me. I told him, don’t cheat her stud, since when can’t you cum more than once in a session? He said, yeah, you’re right! Like it’s a bad thing! Ha ha, I told him again, "babe I love you so fucken much!" He said, “We are so fucken lucky!” “Yeah, we are indeed!” And, I told him to text me when we can get together. He told me, if he wasn’t so fucking tired from work, he could do me again around 4:00am, but we both laughed at the silliness. (Secretly, I’m okay with that!)
I told you I was Fucken Lonely and Horny, didn’t I?
Our journal continues in Chapter 23:
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